In my case-we had rental house as a business and the loss of $ in that alone makes it worth my time to pursue

Early on the satisfaction of f@cking with the OW was not to be underestimated-now it's about getting $ back they stole

The OP in my case got lots of jewelry, trips, hotel rooms in town, etc. Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of $50K. It's good to know this in case we do end up divorcing, because all of this is marital money. But it's not worth pursuing and they ARE difficult to litigate successfully. I know my SAWH realizes he's an idiot. There are other ways of exacting revenge on OW. She is mostly concerned with her reputation. LOL.

In Illinois "Alienation of Affection" is allowed.
here is a message I sent a few days ago which flows perfectly into your post.

First of all I am sending you Strength...sending your great strength to get thru this horrific pain your Wayward husband thrust onto you, where he gave you no "vote" (and voted for you) in the decision making process...a totally selfish,stubborn act.

I did not contact my WW's affiar partner BEFORE I confronted, but did so AFTER i confronted.

I come from a family of lawyers and handled this in a calculated tactical strategic way.

once again....sweetie ...Sending you strength....

I met with my WW's AP, (i knew him for 11 yrs. thru my WW) but didnt shake his hand and didnt say one word to him during that meeeting.

I had an atty. contact him and give him what I called "an offer he couldnt refuse". In Illinois, they allow "Aienation of Affection" lawsuits. Which in the end, is not a money maker for the faithful spouse, BUT that lawsuit does destroy the AP's family in the process (many get depositions)and usually destroys their career as HR and others get depositions for details on how monies were spent etc.

My WW used her employers company sponsored business trips/conventions as did her AP for extra days at hotels/resorts on work related travel for hookups. Their companies would have fired both of them if they found out as they were fierce competitors in the marketplace.

At the time this offer was made, (10 months after I confronted WW)her AP was in full R with his faithful wife (he has 2 sons also who did not know)and told her everything. They decided not to tell their sons. His Faithful wife and I talked frequently and compared notes. His faithful wife was given some of the emails and cards WH had sent my WW, but she told me she didnt want everything. so I respected that.

The "offer he couldnt resuse" was to Come in for a legal deposition on the Affair details (paid for at his expense) and in exchange, I would not show his wife and two sons all of his emails to my wife (i did give his Faithful wife some of them) and the hours upon hours of phone conversations he had with my WW. Where he bashed his wife. and i would not file alienation of affection lawsuit.

(all his bashing was recorded in WW's car with bluetooth on a VAR)..all very clear recordings thanks to bluetooth and 12 speakers in the car

All my atty. had to do was play one sound bite for him which was his good morning greeting to my wife every day...and it was "Good Morning Gorgeous....smoochie smoochie smoochie.....and then he puckered his lips and would make a kissing sound" ..for about 10 seconds... makes me want to throw up every time i think of it and hear it in my mind's ear.

When my atty. played that single recorded sound-bite for him and asked what does he think his wife and 2 sons would think if they heard this and the other hours upon hours of recorded conversations where he bashes his wife. He knew it was check-mate. I only wish I could have seen his face and body language when he was told this.

I offered that the emails his wife had not already seen and the recorded conversations I had on flashdrives would never see the light of day for his family and employer if he came in for a legal deposition and under oath gave all timeline information and answer any question I had in exchange for my agreement to bury this from his family and employer.

This was an agreeemnt between 2 parties where "mutual consideration" would be given. basically a contract between us.

This coward's legs folded like a cheap card-table. He threw my wife under the bus... gave dates of hookups showed his charge card statements, told me which business conferences they an stayed extra day and or came one day early (paid for by their employers) each would expense one day on either end of the conference.

He gave me the cards my WW had given him (how sentimental..he had saved all of them-expensive Papyrus cards too) He told everything including the hotels my wife paid for and vacations to Vegas various Spa resorts and South Beach Fla. she paid for...etc

I also attended his deposition (i was allowed to attend) but by rule of law could not speak to him...and i didnt want to either...I didnt shake his hand or say one word to him and also wore mirrored aviator sun-glasses the entire time....so he couldnt see my eyes). I wanted to create the most stressful butt-tightening experience I could think of.

When he answered a question, often I would write feverishly on a yellow legal note pad and slide it to my atty. (AP never knew what i was writing but was very stressed when i did that) .

his stress and anxiety was very visual in his body language and voice changes. The adrenaline rush I got watching him was absolutely fabulous! There is a God!

Sometimes i wrote nonsense...i did that becasue i knew it created great stress for him..and truly enjoyed being in the driver's seat completely on this.

So where am i at today,??? I have a full timeline,details etc in a 1300 page legal deposition and all the emails and flashdrives with recorded conversations and cards in a safety deposit box.

Part of the legal agreement we made was if my wife contacted him he would hang up and advise me immeidately or the agreement was voided and i had the freedom to give everything to his wife employer and sons and file for Alienation of Affection.

If he contacted my wife, the agreement was voided and i also had the freedom then to give everything to his wife, employer and 2 sons and also file for alienation of affection and this deposition would be used against him.

I know today neither of them ever thought of the devistaion this would bring to their reputations, their careers and families while living in their make believe selfish unicorn fantasy world.

AP and my WW worked for fierce competitor nationwide insurance companies at executive levels. Both would lose their jobs immediately and have great difficulty finding new employment if I contacted their companies.

I wish you luck in your journey with this low-life who chose to betray you..and also send you great strength to get thru this extremely difficult roller-coaster ride you had no vote on. Come here to SI and post often ....were here for you and were in your position before...

me: 58
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one D-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
D-day 3-13-12
confronted 6 wks later (dropped 35# in those 6 wks and spend 2 days in the hospital with severe chest pains--thought I was having a heart attack)
I contacted AP's faithful wife outed their "A" (she knew nothing)and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NO Contact- July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT selfish, stubborn...lots of mal-adapted coping skills, no boundaries...you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful

When he answered a question, often I would write feverishly on a yellow legal note pad and slide it to my atty. (AP never knew what i was writing but was very stressed when i did that) .

I did the same thing

She is mostly concerned with her reputation.

Exactly why I'm exposing this-even if I don't recoup $

I found out through one of their coworkers/friends (irony) that I can sue for AOA. I plan on doing so, if nothing else to provide for my child. STBXH is now awful to me and painting our relationship as terrible and theirs as great to justify his actions. Only, everyone can see through it. I'm sure they will fight to stay together to prove everyone wrong. I do not desire to be with this man, as he was abusive to me while I was pregnant and essentially abandoned us for OW. He has no empathy and I now realize has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is a master at faking that he is a "good" guy. I didn't even believe he was capable of such awfulness.

The lawsuit is simply about providing for my son. A number of attorneys told me they can garnish OW's wages forever, if need be. And honestly, I think she is crazy and don't want her around my child. She called me as my friend while I was pregnant repeatedly to give me marital advice and even lent me maternity clothes. Pretty disgusting stuff. And now he's acting like she's great. Wonderful people don't do what they've done.

Were OW not in the picture, I might change my mind about the suit. Bottom line is I want to protect my baby. Do what you need to do, but know your reasons. Revenge alone won't sustain your motivation for long. And you should have plenty of evidence (I do) that your relationship was influenced by the OP. These two are so brazen they're on FB together. I was told that it will only help my AOA case the longer they're together and the more open they are about dating. If you have good records, you should be fine. Revenge is livig well. People tend to dig their own graves. No need to even give them a shovel! Good luck!

[This message edited by tulie at 9:01 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]

However, she's worthless. No job, sponging off of some poor man that thought she was sweet and innocent (i set him straight - no worries), two kids but no child support, etc. She was utterly worthless, so I would have paid all of the costs just to embarrass her. Not really worth the effort.

Instead, she tried saying I was harassing her, and she said if I contacted her or OBS again she would press charges. This alone was ridiculous because she was ALWAYS the one to contact me. Regardless, I told her that she should really shut her mouth because pursuing a married man is a crime in XX state, and that if she ever threatened me again I would gladly file and make the court records VERY public knowledge. I then simply said "Alienation of Affection"

Never heard from her again. And OBS and I talked whenever we wanted or felt it was necessary. I owned her.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.