In Illinois "Alienation of Affection" is allowed.
here is a message I sent a few days ago which flows perfectly into your post.
First of all I am sending you Strength...sending your great strength to get thru this horrific pain your Wayward husband thrust onto you, where he gave you no "vote" (and voted for you) in the decision making process...a totally selfish,stubborn act.
I did not contact my WW's affiar partner BEFORE I confronted, but did so AFTER i confronted.
I come from a family of lawyers and handled this in a calculated tactical strategic way.
once again....sweetie ...Sending you strength....
I met with my WW's AP, (i knew him for 11 yrs. thru my WW) but didnt shake his hand and didnt say one word to him during that meeeting.
I had an atty. contact him and give him what I called "an offer he couldnt refuse". In Illinois, they allow "Aienation of Affection" lawsuits. Which in the end, is not a money maker for the faithful spouse, BUT that lawsuit does destroy the AP's family in the process (many get depositions)and usually destroys their career as HR and others get depositions for details on how monies were spent etc.
My WW used her employers company sponsored business trips/conventions as did her AP for extra days at hotels/resorts on work related travel for hookups. Their companies would have fired both of them if they found out as they were fierce competitors in the marketplace.
At the time this offer was made, (10 months after I confronted WW)her AP was in full R with his faithful wife (he has 2 sons also who did not know)and told her everything. They decided not to tell their sons. His Faithful wife and I talked frequently and compared notes. His faithful wife was given some of the emails and cards WH had sent my WW, but she told me she didnt want everything. so I respected that.
The "offer he couldnt resuse" was to Come in for a legal deposition on the Affair details (paid for at his expense) and in exchange, I would not show his wife and two sons all of his emails to my wife (i did give his Faithful wife some of them) and the hours upon hours of phone conversations he had with my WW. Where he bashed his wife. and i would not file alienation of affection lawsuit.
(all his bashing was recorded in WW's car with bluetooth on a VAR)..all very clear recordings thanks to bluetooth and 12 speakers in the car
All my atty. had to do was play one sound bite for him which was his good morning greeting to my wife every day...and it was "Good Morning Gorgeous....smoochie smoochie smoochie.....and then he puckered his lips and would make a kissing sound" ..for about 10 seconds... makes me want to throw up every time i think of it and hear it in my mind's ear.
When my atty. played that single recorded sound-bite for him and asked what does he think his wife and 2 sons would think if they heard this and the other hours upon hours of recorded conversations where he bashes his wife. He knew it was check-mate. I only wish I could have seen his face and body language when he was told this.
I offered that the emails his wife had not already seen and the recorded conversations I had on flashdrives would never see the light of day for his family and employer if he came in for a legal deposition and under oath gave all timeline information and answer any question I had in exchange for my agreement to bury this from his family and employer.
This was an agreeemnt between 2 parties where "mutual consideration" would be given. basically a contract between us.
This coward's legs folded like a cheap card-table. He threw my wife under the bus... gave dates of hookups showed his charge card statements, told me which business conferences they an stayed extra day and or came one day early (paid for by their employers) each would expense one day on either end of the conference.
He gave me the cards my WW had given him (how sentimental..he had saved all of them-expensive Papyrus cards too) He told everything including the hotels my wife paid for and vacations to Vegas various Spa resorts and South Beach Fla. she paid for...etc
I also attended his deposition (i was allowed to attend) but by rule of law could not speak to him...and i didnt want to either...I didnt shake his hand or say one word to him and also wore mirrored aviator sun-glasses the entire time....so he couldnt see my eyes). I wanted to create the most stressful butt-tightening experience I could think of.
When he answered a question, often I would write feverishly on a yellow legal note pad and slide it to my atty. (AP never knew what i was writing but was very stressed when i did that) .
his stress and anxiety was very visual in his body language and voice changes. The adrenaline rush I got watching him was absolutely fabulous! There is a God!
Sometimes i wrote nonsense...i did that becasue i knew it created great stress for him..and truly enjoyed being in the driver's seat completely on this.
So where am i at today,??? I have a full timeline,details etc in a 1300 page legal deposition and all the emails and flashdrives with recorded conversations and cards in a safety deposit box.
Part of the legal agreement we made was if my wife contacted him he would hang up and advise me immeidately or the agreement was voided and i had the freedom to give everything to his wife employer and sons and file for Alienation of Affection.
If he contacted my wife, the agreement was voided and i also had the freedom then to give everything to his wife, employer and 2 sons and also file for alienation of affection and this deposition would be used against him.
I know today neither of them ever thought of the devistaion this would bring to their reputations, their careers and families while living in their make believe selfish unicorn fantasy world.
AP and my WW worked for fierce competitor nationwide insurance companies at executive levels. Both would lose their jobs immediately and have great difficulty finding new employment if I contacted their companies.
I wish you luck in your journey with this low-life who chose to betray you..and also send you great strength to get thru this extremely difficult roller-coaster ride you had no vote on. Come here to SI and post often ....were here for you and were in your position before...
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA) with her former boss
one D-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 25 yrs
in "R" and its been roller-coaster
confronted 6 wks later (dropped 35# in those 6 wks and spend 2 days in the hospital with severe chest pains--thought I was having a heart attack)
I contacted AP's faithful wife outed their "A" (she knew nothing)and we both kept tabs on our waywards
True NO Contact- July 2012
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT selfish, stubborn...lots of mal-adapted coping skills, no boundaries...you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful