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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do you ever think of getting back?
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather eat ground glass.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8841 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Lost15
♀ Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would rather eat ground glass.

This is where I want to be! One day I hope.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Artemisia
♀ Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, all the damn time. However, I know this is not where my life is headed. He is not interested in R, and probably could not do it even if he was. I'm just sick about it in every sense. I want to get to the ground-glass analogy.

So I like this thread. What I did was page through it and look at the registered-date of every Hell No on here. Seems like they start in 2011. Two years. I can do that. I can ride this crazy shit out for two more years if that means I can get to hell no.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

It took me awhile to get there. I still loved XWH the day of our divorce. For months after, I kept hoping that he would make some sort of grand romantic gesture that would be proof he had changed and that we could be together.

I had to work on things, process, spend time with good, caring, moral people, and finally I was there.

You'll get there, too. If you could turn your feelings off like a spigot like these cheaters do, you'd not be the wonderful, caring person that you are.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Artemisia, I had a similar thought but more centred around if the 'HELL NO' came from those who either were in false R or had the opportunity to R and chose not to.

Could the 'think of taking him back' process stem from a place of having an unremorseful wayward, no choice in the A and no choice to R left us feeling powerless. Hence the thoughts. I believe we will all end up in the HELL NO category in time, regardless of the path we take.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Mom4ever
♀ Member
Member # 40516
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I may always have feelings for him because he's my high school sweetheart, first and only love, and father of my three children. BUT I will just have to have those feelings from a distance. I read something recently that I marked so I could remind myself when needed - "God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."


BW - me 43
WH - 46
M - 23 yrs
D-Day - 6/13/2013
2 DS and 1 DD
Divorcing
There are some things that "sorry" just doesn't fix... But I never even got a "sorry."

Posts: 108 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southeast
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great observation Artemisia.

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I was one of those who knew right away that it wasn't "worth" getting back together, that he was just too broken for me, so I never really considered reconciliation. I sure missed what I "thought" we had for a very, very long time though, and I still miss that some days. But the reality and the dream weren't the same...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the Hell No camp. I tried to R for nearly three years after D-day, and I think that by the time I got to "we need to S & D" (which was my choice, because I was tired of broken promises of "doing better" etc) I was already at Hell No. I had to get there to reconcile myself to D. So for me there has been no looking back, because the R process killed whatever respect and love I had left for him -- and I was genuinely and passionately in love with him for 15 years, and happily M until his ONS and the complete failure to repair the damage.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did for a long time. And I still do miss being married. Just not to him. I don't fantasize about it anymore. It would be a cold day in hell before I ever got back together with him.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I was there right away, mostly because the very wise people here on SI opened up my eyes to his NPD ways and the fact that there was, somewhere, someday, a better life for me.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
WarehouseGuy
♂ Member
Member # 6037
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO!! Never! I deserve better than that.


whg

[This message edited by WarehouseGuy at 4:52 PM, December 7th (Saturday)]


If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.

Posts: 5368 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: Michigan
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

I'm a 2012 and I laughed out loud when I read the topic - that's how impossible it is.

It took me several months to get here. Helped along by extreme fuckery on his part (thanks, douchebag!).

Even when I was in that place it wasn't this new guy I wanted, it was the man I thought I married.

Deep down I knew this was a deal breaker on DD. Even if he was truly remorseful I knew myself - I'm not up for the ravages of R.

I don't know why the emotional abuse wasn't a deal breaker, or the loose boundaries or even the suspected infidelity. Something snapped in me once I knew without a shadow of doubt. I suspect it was the point at which I could no longer lie to myself.

Yet I'm still mourning the guy I thought I married - even though he was a PITA, had booze issues and was not all that interesting. Boring really. Plus he scratched a FOO itch. No thanks. TBH it was the love bombing I yearned for most.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew right away that I was a HELL NO. However, my marriage was abusive right from the start, so I was HELL NO long, long ago.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Lost15
♀ Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mom4ever I love this!

"God didn't give you the strength to get back on your feet so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."

HurtsButImOK this is how I feel about it.

Could the 'think of taking him back' process stem from a place of having an unremorseful wayward, no choice in the A and no choice to R left us feeling powerless. Hence the thoughts. I believe we will all end up in the HELL NO category in time, regardless of the path we take.

Having no choice and being blindsided this way.


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried R for over 3 years, gave him more chances than a Monopoly game. No, now I can't ever be with him again. I have learned too much about him and myself. I always deserved better treatment than he is capable of giving. I just didn't know that until I was away from him. Do I think about it, yes and every way I can see it, it would never work out. Do I think he will come back? When everything falls apart, yes. Then he will try. This I have known since we started dating, I just felt it, I could actually see it in my mind. Some things you just know.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were you 2011's at hell no right away, or did it take some time to get there?

It took me a while to get to Hell No. I think I held out hope for the first year. I walked away long before I totally let go but she worked real hard to make sure to destroy that bridge and once I saw who she really was and recognized 1. this really is the real her and 2. It was there all along, I just refused to see it, then I was done.

I had my last full blown trigger attack last Christmas when I replied to a question in General and it suddenlyy hit me hard. Since then I have been hell no all the way.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought about it.....

I'm with the HELL NO people!

Just thinking about it makes me have diarhea-like bowel cramps!

HELL NO!!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would never marry her again. But if a miracle occurred and she had that cranium transplant, I still have very warm feelings for the woman I once knew. It's like the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series... you know in your heart it's never going to happen, but wouldn't it be a hoot?


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hahah, what a post. I love all your responses!! I was feeling low that day. FUCK. THAT. GUY. That's what I tell myself everyday. I LOVE my freedom. I pay the bills, I'm the boss now!! :)

Yes, after researching NPD, I'm running for the hills!!!! He totally lost his mealticket and loyal little wifie. I will see him in court for full custody of the kids, alimony, child support, along with a restraining order. Thank you very much. Again, FTG. :) Because I'm not the broken one, I'm awesome.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:34 PM, December 9th (Monday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 47
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