Topic: I did it! (sex and mental movies)
Member # 41040
| Posted: 3:07 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
I was having issues with mental movies during sex. We had to stop a couple of times because I couldn't do it. Got a lot of great advice on here but it was always so exhausting mentally to have sex. Then I started utilizing wine. It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you. LOL
Well, last night we actually made love. I pushed her from my mind, just calmly looked at her (in my mind obviously) and said "Enough. He's my husband. He loves me. He doesn't want you, he never really did. You aren't welcome here anymore." and then watched her fade. Then it was everything it should be and it was just the two of us there mentally again. So I have hope. But I am still scared because we are so close to DDay. I'm scared this is a weird fog for us and it will get bad again. And I'm hoping it wasn't a one time deal. But I did it with no wine. hahahaha
But here's to being hopeful!!
BS (me) 38
6 week EA and PA.
EA DDay 9/23/13; PA DDay 10/21/13
DDay 3(?) 1/27/14. Affair with friends wife 7/13, multiple prostitutes over our marriage and an OW 2 weeks before we got married.
Separated, both in intensive counseling.
Posts: 170 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
Member # 30024
| Posted: 3:15 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
I have found that once I was able to stop the mind movie the first time, each subsequent time was easier. That is how it worked for me so hopefully you will have the same experience.
I am so happy for you that you were able to stop the mind movie and enjoy making love, especially without wine. YAY for Sammy and MrSammy.
BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 8689 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 38089
| Posted: 3:48 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
I wish I could do this.
BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)
Posts: 425 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 39803
| Posted: 3:49 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
Mine come and go -- sometimes a few flashes, sometimes a "wonder if they did this. . ". Glad to hear you had some peace!
me - BS (45)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
Posts: 1129 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 40769
| Posted: 4:16 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you.
That was my strategy in the beginning. it definitely helped me get through some of the worst times in the beginning. I also took the attitude of "If this is happening, I am getting something out of it." (New attitude for me, as I have never been very selfish or demanding in bed.) Man, I've learned all kinds of wonderful things about asking for what you want. Sorry, TMI?
And I agree with Sister - once I did it the first time, each time after that became easier and easier.
We still had hiccups, depending on what our talks were about that night. The nights I asked for more details, or she tried to stalk him were a little more difficult.
But when things are ok and we are in a good place, our intimacy has been really something special- not HB- its more "real" now. It has really been helping us and now I am with bionicgal- a few flashes of "did they do this?" and then I shake my brain and get back into the program.
I am so very happy for you! Enjoy him and enjoy yourself! This is a wonderful thing to celebrate
Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
14 years- 2 middle school children
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC
Posts: 470 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 37274
| Posted: 5:18 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
Wow!! That's great!! It is starting to get a little better for me but I can't get rid of her completely....maybe someday.
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
2 kids...3 and 1
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"...she also happened to be married to WH's best friend.
Posts: 178 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 24719
| Posted: 6:00 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013|
I'm on the wagon, so wine is not an option for me. But I do try and focus on my memories of me and him... They are more pleasant...
Me- 40- BS
Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 month EA (trickle truth)D-day#2 11/06/13 ONS With Prostitute on 11/5/13 (full confession)
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah.
Posts: 1886 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
|Topic Posts: 7|