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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I just found out
♂ New Member
Member # 41564
Helpless  Posted: 5:06 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were right.

More lies.

I guess, she feels threatened that the OM's family is going to cooperate with me, and share information if the story I provided, doesn't gel.

Turns out, they didn't go the 20 years without contact and they knew one another in 2010, but they never...talked.

I discovered her yahoo IM. There's a bunch of what looks like spam messages... I confronted her on the phone, she came home and blew me up. Called me names, hostile etc... This is when another drip of truth comes out.

Thanks. I am taking steps to protect myself... I am sorry, it has come to this. I refuse to allow her to speak in such a loathsome, vile manner with me. Blame me for her lies and affair.

I have no where else to just unload... no where. I am strong. I have lived through things that kill an adult inside of 12 minutes. I picked my life up under the sneers and mocking ridicule and scorn and no one asked me, "why" did you shoot youself nearly to death.... because a grown man beat me, locked me in a chair for days and weeks on end. Called me names, humiliated me and I tried to get help. So finally, I took matters into my hands on that night. And when the rifle went off...I realized I was stonger than him.

I am stronger than her.... I love her. She chose to throw it in the dirt, not me. She had to kiss a bunch of frogs to find me....

Posts: 24 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry.

Believe me, we don't want to be right.

We're here for you - sound off all you need to. This is one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

What is your plan now, Brokenhearted? I really think at this point it would be good to separate. This is tearing you apart and NC=no new hurts.

Again, I am very sorry.

Sending strength...

Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5027 | Registered: May 2007
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude I. So sorry your in this situation....

But please DO not make excuses for her affairs, or make out one is worse than the orpther or, my friend you are in fact gas lighting yourself.

They are all bad...They are all lies...there is no "degree of severity" where infidelity is considered.

Read up on the 180... You have proven you are strong and can make good decisions.... You don't need get...

On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
♂ Member
Member # 42104
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Brokenhearted99:

I'm so sorry to hear about your tragic story. To have survived a suicide attempt and to live through the agony and pain of a WW who blatantly is cheating on you in front of you is too much to take.

However the manner in which you exposed in several steps has only driven your WW's affairs underground further. To obtain the most punch, it is best to expose all at the same time. You have confronted her several times and she still reverts back to her same old ways.

Have you heard of Dr Harley? He publishes a book and website called Marriage Builders. It is built upon Christian foundations of building marriages after affairs. I suggest you go and read his book. Especially Plan B. Plan B is a method for ending an affair in the case of a wayward that doesn't want to stop. However keep in mind that Harley's Plan B is incredibly difficult to implement and requires almost no direct communication between you and your WW.

I would go one step further and go see a divorce attorney. Since you have a mental illness (PTSD) and have attempted suicide in the past, you have a grounds for securing alimony payments from your WW. This mental illness however may impact you negatively when it comes to child custody. The biggest thing you can do at this point is to shock her with the threat of divorce. She is so deep in the fog that the only thing that may scare her back into the marriage is being served with divorce papers. You may or may not decide to continue the divorce proceedings once she is served, but it may help snap her out of the fog.

Don't bother wasting your time checking on her phones, emails, or activities any longer. Stand up for yourself and HAVE SOME BALLS. She is treating you like a POS and walking all over you.

I'm so sorry you are here. Keep posting and we will continue to provide advice.

Sending you peace and strength.........Kali

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 44
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