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Newest Member: Sadmw (45324)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trying to figure it out
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex broke up with his girlfriend a while back. Now I was informed that he has been calling and asking out several of the women he cheated on me with to try to hook back up with them again, and he is also still seeing his former girlfriend who I assume must be heartbroken and lonely to put up with that...or she doesn't know. I am trying to figure out how I feel about it. I think I still have this tiny pilot light (not even a flame) of hope that my ex will come to his senses and be the man I thought, and wish, he was - not so that we can reconcile (we're so past that) but so that I can coparent with him without feeling contempt. This behaviour is really snuffing it out. I just don't know how to feel about it. I don't understand this man. Is he hoping to re-invent the excitement he got off on when he cheated? Is he thinking now that he's "free" he can have all of his multiple relatonships with no consequences? Is he afraid to be alone? And the most important question: why am I wasting my time thinking about it?


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You being the only one that has called him on his BS, and then held tight and not let him weasel back in means he won't come back because he knows you won't fall for his crap anymore.

He isn't man enough to be alone. It terrifies him. So, rather than find someone to have a healthy relationship with, which would take time, he keeps trying to get someone that fell for his BS before back, because it would take less time than actually doing a relationship the proper way! If he can just get one of the OW to let him back in, he won't have to do all the dating stuff, the hard stuff. He can just fall back in to her life and her bed and it will all be good again.

He's just too broken to step back and look. He just needs some woman to tell him how wonderful he is and stroke his ego. He doesn't know how to do real.

Why are you still wasting time thinking about it? Eh. As long as you are still ranting at him....it's normal. He was part of your life for a long time, and sometimes it's just hard to not hear some of these things and try to figure out WTF they are thinking.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5521 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow - you have great insight, Devastatedmom, and have also managed to make me feel proud of myself. I was berating myself for dwelling on it, and it feels good to hear that it's normal...or at least understandable. I keep a little book of things that help me stay strong through my down times. I will print out your answer and paste it into my book.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 3

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