I think the real remorse follows real consequences. I was getting the attempt at R from Dday forward, however there was anger at snooping, and loss of privacy, and even my grief. There was broken NC.
When I had enough, when I handed him my wedding ring, and told him to get out....That's when the real remorse showed up. When there were real consequences that effected him. When he realized he had lost it all. Thats when remorse came.