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User Topic: Help! Gift for my son's ex-girlfriend?
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 23-year old son just split from his girlfriend ths weekend. They knew each other in HS and dated for 4 years in college and after they graduated. He dumped her. She wanted marriage etc, he didn't. She is lovely. I like her so much and we live in the same town.

No chance of them getting back together, he has known this for a while. He wants to travel, have some freedom, date other people. They are each other's first serious relationship.

She is very upset. Absolutely devastated.

So, in the past I have got her a $50 gift card and a gift for Christmas. Her family are very generous to my son also. I don't want to just ignore her for Christmas.

What can I get her that shows I am thinking of her? Something smaller? I feel the $50 gift card is a bit over the top or should I just go ahead with that as it is so close to Christmas? I have a feeling her family won't be getting my son anything......


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If anything, I would just send her a card. I don't think it's a good idea to hang on to her. It will very possibly give her delusions that the relationship with your son could start up again.

This is one of those times when you need to let go...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20180 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think I could be co-dependent?


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think I could be co-dependent?

Without knowing your relationship to her, my first thought would actually be no. You liked her and she has been apart of your life for a number of years. Turning something off just-like-that may not be as easy to do as we all think.

If you feel you must have some sort of contact, just a card, otherwise, I would probably not do anything. The relationship was not yours it was son's and he is no longer invested in it.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see nothing wrong with you getting her a little something. Four years is a long time, I am sure she was integrated as part of your family.

I would not do your standard (ie $50 and gift). I would just do something small with a note to let her know you are thinking about her over the holidays. Maybe a charm?

I have a feeling her family won't be getting my son anything......

I don't think this really has any bearing - sounds like it is just something you WANT to do. Go with your heart as long as it is not hurting anyone (ie your DS doesn't care, etc).


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2105 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, December 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the responses. She was integrated, came to family reunions and my DD loves her. So I'm thinking a card and if I see something appropriate I would get it.

I will see her again because I live in a small town.

I have always stayed in touch with people. I still send a Christmas card to my college boyfriend's parents! They send one back and they came to my 40th Birthday. They are lovely people, they were like parents to me. I havent spoken to him for 25 years.

So I tend to naturally stay in touch but I do realize that this is not my relationship to manage. My son actually asked me to check up on her. We texted last night.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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