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User Topic: Condom Question-A little Tmi Warning
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't get what Leopold is saying at all. Sounds like blowing smoke up someone's ass to me. I've never known a dude to whirl a full condom over his head like a lasso... ever.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't get what Leopold is saying at all. Sounds like blowing smoke up someone's ass to me. I've never known a dude to whirl a full condom over his head like a lasso... ever.

This scenario made me go I can't tell if Leopold was trying to make a joke or really propose that as what could have happened. Not to mention the condom was found on my side of the bedroom floor which was closer to the door and bathroom. I feel like if he was j-off he'd be on his side of the bed, or in the den w/ the computer for porn.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 29
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing. All papers filed, waiting on date.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think Leopold was making a joke; not intended to be serious.

According to my FWH you would only use a condom if there was some reason why you couldn't tolerate a messy situation. Like being at friends house etc. It wouldn't make sense if you were at home in bed.

Lets face it, your WH had sex with a escort then slung the condom out of bed onto the floor for later disposal. Meanwhile he could then continue sexual antics with the woman. If he had taken the condom into the bathroom to flush, the escort would have left the bed and started to get dressed. She would use the act of WH going into the bathroom as an excuse to quickly dress and leave. Prostitutes minimize contact with clients. Get in, get on, get out in the shortest time possible. Thats why WH stayed in bed and didn't dispose of the condom immediately. Unfortunately for him, he then forgot what he had left on the floor.


Posts: 1721 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
k9lover1
♀ Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I find interesting is that every step of the way, every new discovery, you are looking for alternatives to what is staring you right in the face.

What would it take for you to quit questioning things. Is he that good at convincing you these things you keep discovering are nothing? I sure hope he is a lawyer - he'd be good in court. He could convince a dead man that it was his own fault he murdered himself.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8099 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck its probably a duck....


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Nov 2010
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I find interesting is that every step of the way, every new discovery, you are looking for alternatives to what is staring you right in the face.

This is my thought as well.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9715 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I find interesting is that every step of the way, every new discovery, you are looking for alternatives to what is staring you right in the face.

You're right. I'm trying to break out of this shell of not being able to believe the truth even though its blinding. I work myself into such a tizzy its almost like I can't separate fact from fiction anymore, almost as if I was questioning if anything ever happened in the first place. Them I'm like, WTF am I doing? I have all the cold hard facts why do I let what he says make me doubt that all this happened?! So when I confront him about the condom even in therapy and I say I think you screwed someone else and I get this look of disgust from him and anger that I could think that I'm thinking riiiighhhtt I'm that bad one for thinking that. I just want this to be over.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 29
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing. All papers filed, waiting on date.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lying.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The mere fact that he is contacting escorts should be enough. Also escorts generally text regular clients; newbies are asked to phone. Your WH is deep into this sh*t; probably uses Backpage to find prostitutes.

The point everyone is trying to get across is that you don't have to prove he had sex with these ladies; his contacting them in the first place is a valid reason for ending this relationship. He actually thinks its OK to communicate by text and phone with escorts while in a committed marriage. This guy should not be in any type of relationship with this warped attitude.

I think you know he's guilty. However it takes so much courage to take the next step and separate. The alternative sucks even worse.


Posts: 1721 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi sweetie, I hate to 'jack' your thread, but Leopold, you are hilarious!

Anyway, back to the situation at 'hand', damn, I did it again, lol! Sorry JZ.

Sweetie, I absolutely understand your denial, and your desperate need to make sense of all this, and to find a way to give your H an 'out'. I did the same thing. It is perfectly natural. It is simply so unbelievable to us that our life partners could possiblely deceive and betray us, that our minds will believe any bullshit that lay on us.

But I read some of your previous posts, and I am 100% convinced that your H cheated, and probably still is. For a man to do what he did ON YOUR HONEYMOON is, without a doubt, proof that he is a consummate and manipulative liar, and most probably a sex addict.

I am so so sorry. Please protect yourself, see a lawyer, and apply your time working on a way to extricate yourself from this marriage. You are way to young to spend your life doubting your life partner.

JMO.

Peace,
PPGA


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7057 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The point everyone is trying to get across is that you don't have to prove he had sex with these ladies; his contacting them in the first place is a valid reason for ending this relationship. He actually thinks its OK to communicate by text and phone with escorts while in a committed marriage. This guy should not be in any type of relationship with this warped attitude.

You are right. What I've been journaling is why do I keep moving the line of whats acceptable behavior to put up with? So I've moved the line to accept the calling/texting because up until this point I've never heard the words that he screwed one or witnessed it? How did I become that??? Why am I accepting that? I keep thinking, no even if it was just calling/texting that is enough of a betrayal where I think I'm validated of wanting this divorce.


But I read some of your previous posts, and I am 100% convinced that your H cheated, and probably still is. For a man to do what he did ON YOUR HONEYMOON is, without a doubt, proof that he is a consummate and manipulative liar, and most probably a sex addict.

Yupp this is the thing I go back to over and over again. If he was able to call escorts on HM as well as leave me on the beach to go to a strip club for an hour on the HONEYMOON what else is he capable of??? I would think on the HM is supposed to be the most romantic you are w/ your spouse, and it kills me because I thought we were having such a good time it makes me wonder what was real?


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 29
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing. All papers filed, waiting on date.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been reading your posts here and I really have to come clean and say that I'm very much in disbelief here. Your newly married husband was calling escorts on your honeymoon and had been since then? And you're still married to him? Really? I would have been right back down the courthouse after the honeymoon for an annulment.

Gently here, but honestly I don't think your WH is the problem here so much. You obviously know what kind of person he is. I think the problem is more with you and possibly your own self esteem and/or self respect. I might suggest getting yourself to a therapist to see why it is you have put up with this within yourself. And why you keep moving that line in the sand of acceptance.

Believe me when I say that marriage is not that sacred an institution that you should have to deal with escorts, STDs, HIV and possibly your life. More than anything else you should be protecting yourself. If he wants to call and have sex with prostitutes (and lets call a duck a duck here) then that's his choice and he can play Russian Roulette with his own life, but don't allow it with yours. There is no way in hell I would ever entertain having sex with him ever again, nevertheless giving him my heart. Jzkel I think you really need to do some soul searching here and work on yourself.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
jzkc1502
Member
Member # 40496
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently here, but honestly I don't think your WH is the problem here so much. You obviously know what kind of person he is. I think the problem is more with you and possibly your own self esteem and/or self respect. I might suggest getting yourself to a therapist to see why it is you have put up with this within yourself. And why you keep moving that line in the sand of acceptance.

I appreciate the honesty, and this is so true. I really owe it to myself to have enough self respect to say I am deserving of someone who will NEVER do this to me. The remorse he's showing now is too late, it has no meaning and I want someone I can trust.


Me: BS 29
Him: WH 29
Together: 9 years, married 3
DDay: August 2010
OW: Escorts/Craigslist (escorts and strip club on our honeymoon!)
Status: Divorcing. All papers filed, waiting on date.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NJ
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So when I confront him about the condom even in therapy and I say I think you screwed someone else and I get this look of disgust from him and anger that I could think that I'm thinking riiiighhhtt I'm that bad one for thinking that. I just want this to be over.

This is hard, isn't it? He makes you feel like it's your problem or fault and then makes you doubt yourself. He uses his anger to make you feel badly. Detach from him. Detach from his words. Look at his actions. Construct a picture of him based on his actions. He's a cheater who has slept with prostitutes.

The remorse he's showing now is too late, it has no meaning and I want someone I can trust.

I'm sorry, he isn't remorseful. If he were, he would admit what the hell he was doing that night that left behind a full condom on the floor near your side of the bed. And it wasn't masturbating.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex was the same. Cheating since day 1 (even before M most likely) and would glibly lie about obvious evidence I'd found after he cheated (texts, craigslist posts, secrete email accounts, even the STD he got).
I was just like you. Each time i bought his excuses or I ignored, rationalized, or made excuses myself because I did not want to face the truth.

How could this be my life?

Then he became more blatant.
If I pushed he'd have such contempt & hatred for me that I dare question him.
I was afraid I be exposed to more STDs.

As D began he then spun all evidence to blame me (even telling people I cheated on him!!!)

Now that I'm D I look back and I'm more upset with ME! Yes he was a liar and cheater and abuser but I can't control that. I can control my own behavior.
He lied to me all along but I knew he was! and instead of accepting the truth and deciding what I needed to do (MC, IC, D, R) instead I lied to myself as I hung on to hope that this was not really happening. That everything would get better. That was far far worse.
I should have never allowed myself to be belittled, ignored, abused, cheated on and I should never have lied to myself. I am worth more than that. So are you


Posts: 491 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 55
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