But I've also realized that my ability to think well of others, and trust them at all, waxes and wanes with how I personally am feeling. So when I'm stressed, upset, having a very real issue with a very specific person (for example) then my mood is dark and it affects everything. I didn't used to go from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds flat like that. Pre-philanderer, stuff didn't accelerate past its true worth and drip over everything else. But now it does.
I don't really have a solution other than I try and remind myself that I'm at the core of it. I recently broke up with someone because when all was said and done, I was doing exactly this. Hating on everything and everyone. And it was a reaction to being unhappy. I hadn't consciously identified I was unhappy with *him*, but when I recognized that once again I was going overboard in my negative towards everyone, I was able to see that my unhappiness with him was the catalyst.
I'm just really losing faith in all of humanity.
I am starting on Zoloft. I don't like going the pill route, but I would have one good day for every 3 bad ones, so it was time to do something.
When I am feeling good about myself, I tend to see the good in others easier.
Most people aren't all good or all bad. Everyone has a dark and a light side to them. What we see tends to be what we project from ourselves.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
There are people worth having in your life, but itís harder to appreciate and find them when you waste your energy on people who donít deserve it.
I think you need a new therapist.
I know how you feel. But I refuse to lower my standards. Either I will find what I want or I won't, either way I am not lowering my standards. For anything or anyone. To answer your question I have no idea how to begin to trust again. I think you need trust to give trust, and I have neither.
Nobody stops to take the time to understand or listen, instant gratification, nobody wants to wait, and nobody wants to put forth the effort for anything different.
(((Helen))) Hoping for peace and clarity in your new year.
When someone puts you down enough, you start believing what they say. DON'T. And start telling your son you will not put up with it any more. If you can, stop face to face contact with EX. Keep texts/emails business only and when he starts his abuse, cut him off.
Only when you start showing them how to respect you, and how you're not going to take it any more, will they start to change their attitude. With self respect and self love comes confidence and your mood will rise. You deserve respect.
Treat people the way you wish to be treated. ( even if they don't respond, you feel better about yourself)
Friendships and relationships need nourishment much like plants.
When our WS began their affairs new relationship, they put every effort into finding ways to be together....make things special.
I have often thought if the wayward could put that energy into their marriage it would put a different spin on divorce.
Most important Mom saying to me is
"No matter how had things are there is always someone worse off that you."
This was demonstrated to me when I accompanied my dear Mom terminally ill from cancer to her oncologist office. The office was full, young, old, affluent, obviously needy and my mom. I signed her in at the window and when I returned to my seat. My mom leaned in and whispered to me as she nodded toward another patient. " tell the nurse to take them first, they are sicker than me and shouldn't wait"
My mother was terminal, trust me the visual comparison between the two was heartbreaking to me. My Angel Mom was being kind, she was the worse of the two. Rip Mom
So I think of this in all situations. When I am betrayed, hurt, cheated, ignored.....but at the end of the day there is always going to be someone worse than me.