I work average 55 hrs a week at my main job. Side work on weekends when I can get it. My W does not work by her own choice, if she did, I wouldn't have to work as much. I think back to when she was in her A, getting her nails done, spending tons of money on new clothes, makeup, hair, etc. I recently bought her a new car, I'm still driving my worn out old work truck. Granted, she has always splurged on things like that, and I didn't mind, but during her A, how much of it was she doing with OM in mind? Getting dolled up for him, and I got to pay for it?
POS married OM, who was chasing a woman he knew was married, getting the benefits of what I was working and paying for. And she was giving it to him. I checked the bank statements, I even got to pay for their hotel room. WTF is wrong with that situation?
I'm sure their will be other little things I will have to process...just wondering what others are dealing with.
He has ruined sweet nothings being whispered to me by anybody in the future.
It paid a lot of money.
We were a year away from a daughter in college and it would have allowed us to pay cash for whatever she needed.
BUT the shifts were difficult. Obviously too difficult for H at the time. He got lonely and started hanging out with our friend.
I resented the fact that I gave up weekends, nights and holidays with my family to financially help us and ultimately got screwed.
I left the job after I found out about the A. I refused to go to work sick and worrying so he could be financially free at my expense.
A few years later I got a job paying the same, with hours I could handle. He is a lucky man that I offered R and we are lucky together that we worked it.
At the time though I was pissed.
I am sorry that you are still hurting over these things. The best way you can look at it now is that it was money well spent to find out what kind of person you were married to and now she is someone elses problem. Now he can pay for all her material things and hopefully you are free of her now. It takes time yo get over these things, but eventually it is something you will be able to overcome. (((HUGS)))
I went back to work and found a much higher paying job then I ever made as a Social Worker. But this job meant at night I was inputting all my accounts info into the computer for my company to start billing the next day. So while I was in my office in the back of the apt then were texting, face timing and keeping in touch. Not sure how her BH never heard as they live with his family. I am hard of hearing and he kept the tv up so I never heard. That is until the night before DD. that is what led me to really find the proof. I was aware something was going on. But still didnt really have the proof. But hearing him talking to someone the night before DD gave me the strength
My other little thing as I had said before was I really wanted a new bike. I bought H one and wanted to get myself a new one as well. He asked me to wait a bit. Yep $$$ for hotels.
Seems like evidence of the selfishness of the A. The BS is always moved to the background of the WS's mind, demoted to being just an inconvenience to put up with when it can't be avoided. All resources, emotional, financial, whatever, are bestowed upon the AP. That's something I struggle with, what had to be going through her mind to make her actions OK? We are attempting R, and we have talked of her thinking then vs. now that the fog is gone.
TrustGone, living in your house? Wow, that's pretty low.
I think it helps me to accept what the A was, the more I process these things, the less it seems to affect me. Maybe that is evidence of my healing, regardless of the outcome of R.
I recently bought her a new car, I'm still driving my worn out old work truck
[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 1:33 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
StillLivin: T/j welcome. This was just something that had been on my mind. I always enjoyed self sacrificing for my W, it just seems "right" for her to have the nicest vehicle I can give her, and all of the things she did for herself, if it made her happy, I was all for it. I think what hurts is the realization that it was not appreciated. Thank you for that insight!
2) He would take her kids to the park but neglect ours
3) They would go on "dates" but we never had time
4) He would shower her with compliments while I was lucky if he noticed I changed my hair color
5) He would be oh so affectionate, tell me how lucky he was to have me, then go hide in the bathroom and tell her the same thing via text
need I go on?
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
fWH said (first time ever) that he needed new clothes. So I gave him a few hundred for clothes. He then bragged to her and sent her pics of all his new clothes, when she asked if he was modeling them. He bragged that I bought him a car. He couldn't ever do things with my family, but he could talk the her mother on the phone. Are you kidding??? And he had nothing but time for her while i sat alone.
Yes, I make the money. Yes, I spoiled him. No, I don't know.
And 1owner, tell your wife to get a job. She has way too much time on her hands. She lost the luxury of sitting on her butt when she spent her time cheating. Too f'n bad.
I hate that after I found out and he wanted to R that he would say "Just love me baby" Only to discover he was talking to her again when he would say that!! I hated when he would say it in the first place, but when I found out he had picked up the affair again and was saying it, I almost threw up!!! Gag
I hated that after the affair we were at a friends birthday party. The OW was there as we have many mutual friends. He got drunk, some random guy kissed the OW and he said "hey buddy that is my wife you are kissing" I almost died. She came up to me and said "did you hear what your husband just said to me?" He played stupid and couldn't understand why I was so mad and then said "It was just a Joke" Um okay, that is not funny when you were having an affair that I knew about and called her his wife in front of everyone and ME.
I introduced my WH to a great little cove in the Bay area with a cute hotel....that eventually became "our" special place....then he eventually took OW there.
Like he couldn't come up with anything new??
Sucks that he used a lot of "me" in seducing and impressing her. My ideas, my words, my position on topics, my love of different cuisines, my view of the world....WH was always a red neck type, simple tastes, meat eater, unsophisticated type of guy, and he changed overnight with "her"
Suddenly he wanted to be a vegan, though anytime I actually used to prepare healthy, vegetable based meals he would shake his head and laugh.
So, basically it was those little gestures, ideas, inspiration from ME that he used to impress her. And it worked. He took pieces of me to use on her.