I don't have the funds to redo the whole house, but do have a house picked out that I plan on buying when the current owners move.(I've talked to them) but that is nearly 9 months away.
I have tried everything I can think of to make her more comfortable at my house(we do not live together), yet she just does not want to come to my house.
I have NO pix of my xww, yet she has an album of her xso. Pix of him on FB, gifts from him, etc. I understand, but it hurts me too. Ok, this last paragraph was probably a retaliation rant so forgive me.
Ladies, or guys who are/have gone through this, what the heck am I supposed to do? BTW, this house I live in.....my kids are the 5th generation to live in it. I will still own it and have an employee live in it, so not selling. It's on a farm and the house I'm looking at is in town. Only time I lived in town was during college, 4 yrs....but I can adapt.....neighbors may not like me p'n outside though.
Thanks for the help! Merry Christmas everyone!
[This message edited by 9.10.11 at 10:33 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
She can't expect that you're a virgin with no people in your past that she'll have to contend with, just as she has a past too.
[This message edited by GabyBaby at 10:57 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.
I don't know how long you have been together, but 9 months is not that long to wait, assuming she knows your plan. In the meantime, clear out some spots in your place for her, ask her how you can make her feel more at home.
ETA: Push her to be more honest with you about this.
[This message edited by Crescita at 12:19 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
The first few months I was dating the gf she kept asking or making passive aggressive comments towards me about going back to my exWW. I never said one thing about that scenario and we were legally divorced. After a while of this I had to sit her down and basically tell her to knock it off. It was unattractive to me and in a way hurtful. And if she continued it we would need to go our separate ways. It took her some time to see that I have strict NC with my exWW other than our son and finances. Sounds like you pretty much have NC in place. Turns out she had been dating a guy previously that decided to go back to his wife. Not sure of the circumstance surrounding it, but I think it made her believe that all men are untrustworthy in that aspect. But it wasn't my issue to work on, it was hers. It told her that if you don't trust previously divorced men, then you probably shouldn't be dipping your toe in the dating pool at our ages.
(OK - so that probably didn't help ya, huh??? )
I have had two relationships since my D and neither person has had a problem being comfortable in my house (and it was my M home).
This is your children's HOME (as well as a generational home). What sort of person would want their partner's kids to move out of their homeplace because she is uncomfortable?
I understand the concept of having issues because she is concerned about the "ghosts of the M" being there...but this is over the top.
I agree with the other posters....you have a person problem here; NOT a house problem.
I remember when I was first dating my ex. He really hated coming to my apartment. Despite the fact that he had two room-mates, he really preferred that I come to his condo. Looking back, it was a very early example of his selfishness and "its all about me" attitude. It should have been a red flag!
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
Had a few good talks with her about many things. All is good for now. Jealousy, her past, my past, her family, my family.....all part of learning and understanding new people.
this is fun.......right?
It is. Merry Christmas everyone!