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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Finally got confirmation
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my ex left (while I was pregnant) he insisted there was nobody else, he was just unhappy. Even when I caught him at OW's apartment at 4am one day, he still insisted they were just friends. They have since moved into their own place together but he still says they are just roommates. I know it's all a bunch of bs, but since this behavior was something I never expected from him, every time he denied their relationship I think a small part of me hoped he was telling the truth.

He sees our DD4 on his days off and takes her to his apartment. OW is usually not there, but lately she has been around more and more. When DD got home last night she says OW was there all day and played with her. OW is 22 and acts like she is 15. She loves taking selfies, posting a million pictures of everything she does all day, etc. I got concerned that maybe she is posting pictures of my child now that she has been spending time with her. So for the 1st time in months I looked at her instagram account. There were a ton of pictures of WH in bed, they got a puppy together, and posts about their "date nights"

It stung to finally see it with my own 2 eyes and now know without a shadow of a doubt. I feel so many emotions, mainly hurt and anger. What kind of person brags about her dates with a married man? Doesn't it bother her at all that her boyfriend is still married and hasn't even filed for divorce yet? And I remember how adamant he was that there was nobody else and it would be years before he would ever be ready to date someone else. He put all the blame on me and I beat myself up over it all, thinking if only I had been better.
Fucking liar. Sick, sick, sick fucking people.

As always, thank you for letting me vent.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I totally relate to your story as my ex did the same. "There is no one else, I just don't want to be married anymore." "We can have a trial separation and I promise I won't see anyone else until we know what we are doing."

It was all a bunch of bs designed to allow him to leave the home, leave his responsibilities and obligations behind, and play new happy boyfriend with his own secretary. I found out right around this time of year in 2010. I was crushed. Even though, like you, I had suspected, I honestly just didn't think he would go that far as to have an A. He totally blamed me for the fall of the marriage and I blamed myself. I had no idea we even had a problem, but I bought into the idea that it was all me and had I just been ... better ... I could have kept us together. It was all a crock of shit.

The OW in my case is alot like the one in yours. She is a social media whore who is dumber than my desk. She loves attention and loves drama. She also maintained a site where she would talk about my ex - who was still very much married - in code. It was easy to see who she was talking about, but she had no problems discussing their sex life, the gifts he bought her and the places they went. I thought I would faint the day I found out that they went on this exotic vacation together before I had even filed for D.

What I can tell you now, three years out, is that it gets better. If your wh is like my ex, he is a narcissistic, selfish, weak, coward. If she is anything like the OW slunt in my case, she is nothing but a selfish, phony, needy POS who will show her true colors soon enough. They are toxic. No matter what she shows on her stupid instagram, what topics about their life she discusses, please trust me when I tell you that it's all a game of smoke and mirrors.

I honestly believed in the beginning that the OW must be great. I thought she must have been a younger, better, more fun version of me for him to have left.

You know what I know now? She was the path of least resistence. She "won" a liar and a cheat by default because he knew that once I found out there was no coming back. He knew that he had to step on my neck and smash my self esteem to make sure he could continue to eat cake for as long as I would let him.

You want to know what else I know? The OW doesn't hold a candle to me. This is the third married man she's been with. She lost custody of her own children and is, by all accounts, a selfish, shitty mother. She treats my children like furniture. Imagine that? She worked so hard to get him to become a part of her life, but yet, when his kids are around, she could care less if they are fed, clothed or loved. My kids tell me that she yells at him and tells him what to do on the regular. She's "grumpy and cranky" as they put it. The only reason she doesn't scream at them is because I told him if I find out she so much as looked at them cross-eyed, I would pay her a visit that she won't forget. She's nothing but an uneducated, low class, pile of dog shit who had no qualms about chasing after a man she knew was married and had small children. I don't care what she looks like, what she weighs, or how great she thinks she is in bed. She is nothing.

While you hurt so badly right now and, I won't lie, it can take a long time to get over this kind of betrayal and pain, you will be better in the end. You know why? Because you will grow. You will survive this and thrive and you will learn to face pain and hardships with class and strength. He, on the other hand, will stay stuck in the immature, selfish mindset that got him here in the first place. You, my friend, lifted him up. This OW will tear him down, which is exactly where he belongs.

In the meantime, deal with it as best as you can when it comes to DD. I used to want to puke whenever my kids said her name around me. Now, I could care less. I have perfected the fake smile and the "that's nice" statement whenever they talk about her. If you give DD a sour reaction, she won't spill the beans when they need to be spilled. If you stay as neutral as possible with her, there's a whole lot you're going to learn.

Please trust me on this. I share my story with you because I was in your exact same place. There were lots of times that I never thought I would come out of it. While I will never fully get over it and there are a few bad days here and there still, I know in my heart I am so much better. You will get here too. Just trust every day that he is not a good man and he in no way deserves a woman like you.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2750 | Registered: Jan 2011
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it might have made your stomach churn and you heart hurt, but seeing that (as I had to see it) was what made me stronger and move on without him. i needed to be kicked in the teeth like that to not be soft and to get $hit done


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they are all sick fuckers !!! I am sorry, my stbxww goes bragging on facebook too. when I heard the obvious it still hurt like hell. I am here with you. stay strong


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 622 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone, I don't know what I would do without this place.

I do believe it gets better- I feel a little happier and a little stronger every day (or most days, lol). As much as it hurt to finally see the truth, I am glad I did because I know I needed that to finally erase all doubt and truly let go and move on. I am so happy I am seeing my IC today!


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((pregnantandsad))

I know that punched in the gut feeling.

DD OW was a whore in London. There was a 3m False R full of I'll do whatever it takes for as it takes and lots of pressure when I said enough is enough.

I posted the Final S exchange here. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=500928&HL=35229

20 weeks later this 40 y/o loser tells me he is ready to introduce his 'partner' to my girls. I thought the ugly London whore. But no - he was ready to introduce his 24 y/o office gopher to my then almost 5 and 2 year olds as his GF. I never suspected her because I trusted her taste, not because I trusted his fidelity. The thought of that whore being around my girls almost sent me over the edge.

The length and breadth of his betrayals also hit me like a tonne of bricks. All through the M, how much he lied during False R, when I was at my most vulnerable, when I was basically dying on the floor - the cruelty is astonishing.

It was like someone had slapped my face repeatedly and with such violence.

It is a year since that time and I'm no longer dying on the floor. It has become my new normal. The fact that the man I thought I married never existed has become my new normal. It doesn't hurt anymore. It just is.

I actually see this extreme fuckery as a gift. It freed me well before I had the strength or courage to free myself. This is the kindest thing he has done to me in 5+ years. How sad is that.

You're going to be OK. When I was where you are someone here said to me: "One day this won't be something that is happening, it will be something that has happened".


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ouch! To see it in front of your face like that can hurt so much. But it is a blessing to know the truth and you will get through this! He is awful to have left you the way he did!


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazing how they think if they say it enough it must be true-- she is just my friend. I am not dating her. We are not together.

Lies. All fucking lies.

For me, seeing his whore with him the first time was so liberating. I fucking KNEW it. I KNEW I wasn't crazy. I knew he was lying all along.

Of course, I was so close to the end that by then I didn't give any fucks about him, or where he chose to stick his broken wick, but it sure felt great to look at him and know that HE knows I know.

You know?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3535 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he still insisted they were just friends.


I could have written your post pregnantandsad. My stbx denied everything and said they were just friends.... before you know it, he says, "what do you expect? It hasn't been good (between us) for the past several years." He tells whore it was never good.

I don't understand how somebody with a clear head can break up a family with a small child. I hold OW responsbile as much as my stbx. She wanted a baby and now she is getting one. For me, that is 1000 times worse. As if the affair is not bad enough, to intentionally impregnate a home wrecking whore because she wants a baby and throw your own family to the curb.

I'm curious, how do you see the whore's instagram account?


Posts: 190 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, December 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he still insisted they were just friends.


I could have written your post pregnantandsad. My stbx denied everything and said they were just friends.... before you know it, he says, "what do you expect? It hasn't been good (between us) for the past several years." He tells whore it was never good.

I don't understand how somebody with a clear head can break up a family with a small child. I hold OW responsbile as much as my stbx. She wanted a baby and now she is getting one. For me, that is 1000 times worse. As if the affair is not bad enough, to intentionally impregnate a home wrecking whore because she wants a baby and throw your own family to the curb.

I'm curious, how do you see the whore's instagram account?


Posts: 190 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Topic Posts: 10

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