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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wow... So this is rage.
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh (((AWT))) I am officially abbreviating you It just sucks doesn't it!

I think we just need to ride it out - that four letter word again - time- bleurgh!

IN response to your comments on my recent posts we have come quite a way since that one.

He has admitted how drawn in he got, how hooked he was, that he did have 'feelings' for her - even if they were based on purely what he got out of her and not for herself. He has also confessed was 'attractive enough' that it made it easier for him to make the EASY choice of going through with it. HE is still adamant he didn't actively fancy her and didn't want to have a full affair but he has held his hands up about wanting everything until after they kissed. That woke him up apparently but he was still too weak to say no to her later.

I wrote it all out in a thread called something like - chico was right, the truth lay between- something like that lol.

He is also making great strides in realising what led him to the affair and to make those choices. Stuff like conflict avoidance and need to external validation based on his childhood neglect. That I had always looked after him and when I got too ill to do that he thought I didn't love him anymore.

Anyway I am waffling. You were right, I didn't have the full truth and probably don't even yet but it's coming in dribs and drabs as he faces each thing. He is still adamant he didn't want the sex, was just too pathetic to say no, it was easier - no arguing, no offending, just do what she wanted. It fits with him sadly.

But he has admitted to a lot more emotional stuff and it has made things click into place in my head and yes I felt that relieved feeling at first but now its just .....RAGE!

You take care, I wish I had advice but only have a big ME TOO!


Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 804 | Registered: Jul 2013
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by olwen at 2:41 AM, December 13th (Friday)]


Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 804 | Registered: Jul 2013
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get the rage stuff, and it's perfectly fine. Cut yourself some mental slack and go with it for awhile. It sounds like previously you were so giving, that post A, you might feel like a doormat looking back.

Also, when you said he sometimes does the: "poor me I'm such a bad person" stuff, this isn't really remorse, it's shame, and quite different from the empathy you need. Shame is internal, selfish, all about him. Right now you need him to stop being selfish and start walking in your shoes more.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: DC
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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