"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
My heart goes out to everyone hurting with this.
His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.
I wonder if putting on a brave face in front of everyone all day and smiling/acting all day wears on me and maybe I get resentful/tired of having to do this by the end of the day?
I get this BAD. When I have to "fake it", I am exhausted and feel even more isolated. It's like the icky feelings have been ignored for too long and stuffed down when in faking it so they are bigger when I no longer have to fake it. Do you journal? Maybe take quick 5 minute breaks to re-connect with the real feelings under the fake ones? Just am idea - I don't work so my spells of faking it are not daily and long hours at a time. I have tried the journaling though and it helps me feel less alone.
I just can't go in and face him and act like we're fine
I bet this ^^^ is your problem.
I understand you have to fake it at work, we all do as much as we can. It's exhausting.
To then have to go home and fake it, that's too much.
I look forward to having a good evening with him and the girls after work and hopefully having an open, productive, heartfelt, vulnerable discussion with him later that night.
Do you have to do this every night? Can you just "be"? I would suggest you save the heartfelt discussions for 1 or 2 nights a week. As much as you have them and they make you feel connected, it is ok to do it once if not twice a week. Save the heavy talks for when you are refreshed and ready, don't do it after a long work day or when you have spent a day having to fake it.
Take a night here or there to crash on the couch, watch a movie and just breathe...it will do wonders for you.
What helped me was releasing myself of that burden. Instead of hoping and trying to believe that each new day would be a turning or changing point, I viewed each new day as a chance to move one more notch further on the healing continuum. Each day became one more small success in the fight to heal our M because we had simply survived it without doing any further damage. I figured that enough of those days could be strung together until we arrived at a solid and good place. Those tiny, seemingly insignificant days were enough to make us stronger so that we could continue the hard work of R (like IC, MC, improved open and honest communication, emotional regulation, restoration of trust, etc.). I didn't give up on hope; I just readjusted my expectations of what hope should bring and when it should deliver it. One final caveat, I couldn't agree more with the impact my periods made on my mood and frame of mind. The PMS crap could literally undo everything we had spent the entire month working on. To help with that battle, an incredibly supportive and skilled doctor was invaluable.
Do you have to do this every night? Can you just "be"? I would suggest you save the heartfelt discussions for 1 or 2 nights a week.
What are your "expectations" for the day? Disappointment is tied to unmet expectations.
Lately we have been trying to plan our evenings ahead of time so going home is something to look forward to. Some nights are planned for talks around reading or SI. Some nights are movie/TV nights. Some nights are . it has helped to both be on the same page with our expectations