1. Did I handle this well?
2. Should I tell her my worries?
[This message edited by Unagie at 11:58 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
No longer together
Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.
Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.
You can talk to her about how this talk makes you feel but, again, I don't know that she'll be able to see from your point of view because she hasn't walked the same road.
She shares a lot with her husband and he knows a lot of what happened between me and xSO.
He knows her version of it. Who knows how close to what you told her that is.
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
I would not say anything to your bff. As we have all become painfully aware, if someone has not been through this they are completely clueless. I think what he said was well-intentioned, he just had no idea what he was talking about.
Long ago I knew someone who cheated. He and his wife got married bc she was pregnant and every single time I saw her over the years she would make at least one disparaging comment about him. So, when he told me what he did, I said, "No wonder."
You know that it's difficult for people to understand all the "technicalities" of infidelity if they've never walked the path. I say cut the guy some slack. He's on the outside looking in, only knowing what his wife has said of the situation.
And let's be honest. Your ex-boyfriend has turned into a jerk. Seriously. He's a cruel, selfish, a-hole. Does it condone your cheating? Absolutely not. However, he's still a cruel, selfish, a-hole. If I was looking from the outside in, seeing my wife's BFF dealing with an abusive jerk, I too would probably think that you'd be better off with the AP. Because after all, I wouldn't know that broken attracts broken, and everything else we learn going thru the University of Infidelity.
I don't think his statement is a massive red flag that means he's going to inevitably going to cheat on his wife. I think he's (somewhat ignorantly) trying to find a safer, better solution for the situation you're in.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?