So more rollercoasters and now I feel better.
It has just come by talking and sharing my pain and waiting for my WBF to start working. Oh and another thing I spoke to the OW!
So we both had a bad weekend, we were apart and I was panicking - big time. Just being alone and left with my negative thoughts and triggers. I decided to txt her and threaten to tell her husband. After a little back and forth we spoke on the phone and even though I feel as though I can only believe 50% of what was saying, I felt a lot better afterwards.
Se said sorry, she is love with her current AP, she is "working" on issues with her BS (yeah right - he doesn't know). But I did get the feeling it was over with my WBF, the stories match and the timing matches so I was reassured. I was nervous about contacting her because I didn't want to break NC, but something made me do it.
The thing is, it brought up a big turning point for WBF. He didn't judge me for calling her but he turned a corner and had a shit weekend, feeling bad about what he has done. So I feel he hit the floor.
It has taken a lot of talking since then about everything. But he also told me about his thoughts on the "why". He wanted a clean slate - in his head. No resentment, which had built up through not communicating his feelings. He wanted to "start again" and be open and honest with someone. But then realised it was me he wanted to be open and honest with which is why we are in R.
I think its real progress and it fits together for me. I know there will be more but hopefully on a better footing so we can really move forward. I have no desire to check stuff (it may return) and he has gone away for the night but is in contact with me. I trust him a little bit more now which is a good feeling.