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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ornaments...
lisaloo
♀ Member
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Christmas ornaments are my thing...I commemorate EVERYTHING with Christmas ornament. There are ornaments for every new sport or activity that DD played each year, every family vacation we ever went on, our wedding, our honeymoon, special trips STBXH and I went on, every graduation, every first whatever...every everything.

Fortunately, we have two crazy Bengal cats who would destroy (do destroy) the tree, and so last year and this year, I've decided to put up a tree with shatterproof ornaments in the living room, so I dont have to deal with the cats decimating my ornament collection (we were going to have TWO trees this year, the one with all our family ornaments was going to go in my office (where no little furballs can get in), but it's already more of a PITA to decorate this house with the one tree, since I know it's my last Christmas in my freaking dream house).

I digress...

I went into the attic yesterday to grab the wreath for the front door and a few other things to make the house festive for DD, and I found a little flat bubble wrapped package on the top of the box with the Christmas decorations...of course I opened it...it was one of those damn ornaments. It was, in fact, the stupid effing ornament I had purchased to celebrate our "NEW HOME 2012!!"

Seriously...it felt like a knife to the chest.

I chunked that ornament into the nearest open box and hightailed it out of the attic with my wreath, some bows, a snowglobe, and the shred of emotional stability that I am hanging onto.

Next year, when I have to go through the damn ornaments, it's just going to be like emotional cutting. Especially, since next year will be STBXH's year with DD...

It's like the punishment from his shitty actions are just going to keep on coming FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Divorce sucks.


Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house separation...fun, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try to take the good feelings you had when purchasing those ornaments, and any that are specifically related to the x set aside for dd in a seperate box so that she can have them someday. In the mean time, be kid to yourself! Every ornament you buy from here out will be special to you because of the new beginning they represent. He can't take that away from you!


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel you, sister! I'm in the same boat with all those damned personalized ornaments. Last year I put them all up. This year I'm going to be frank with my kids and let them know that some are too painful for me and won't be on the tree.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Lola7
♀ Member
Member # 41195
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you. I have a sad little Christmas tree up because I haven't been able to finish it. But that's ok. When I put it away for the year, I'm going to throw out everything that makes me ill.

I'll start new next year.


caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
DIVORCED!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Nov 2013
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last year wh left in October and was gone through December. I took every ornament that had meaning and packed it in a box for him to take. We have a lot from 2002, the year we got married.

Fortunately they are still in a separate box in the closet, not with everything else in the attic.

He can have them or they go in the trash.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1421 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I boxed up every last one of the "us" ornaments - 24 flipping years' worth - and put them in his stuff when I Hefty bagged him.

He destroyed the marriage. I figured he should be responsible for taking out all the trash.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be making a cat tree with all of those ornaments and let them go nuts on it.

Smash it, trash it, burn it - that's my motto for anything that might trigger me.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just dealt with the same thing last week when decorating our tree, it's hard.

I did the same as some others above mentioned- put them in a box for him and handed it to him when he came to pick up DD for his visit. He threw away our marriage so he can throw away those too if he wants.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes, the ornaments.

The year before Dday I had bought ornaments for the 4 of us, all our first initials.
Last year I wasn't going to put his on the tree and left it in the box. DD found it and asked if we could put it up. I hesitated and she said "Well, C is for Christmas." So we hung it last year and again this year.

She said this year that we need an H and a K for Hannukah and Kwanzaa.
Love that kid!!!


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1420 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
RedWheelBarrow
♀ Member
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 3:34 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. I recently texted WS to come get *all* the boxed ornaments. DS chose just a few, and really didn't want to see them at all. I can't imagine EVER wanting them myself - looks like boxes of lies to me.


Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Divorced!

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. I left all of those for WH to put up on the tree this year. The last one was actually bought this year, while on vacation, just a few short days before DDay. I could barely look at it and I hate the he ruined that vacation for me. (I found out while we were on vacation with the kids).

I've already decided that I the chooses to leave he's taking all of his outdoor lights with him. I will do my own thing to the house, if I choose to do anything at all.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided to D him in November 2009. After Christmas, I packed up the ornaments, separating them by the ones bought for DS, me, and the X. Any joint ornaments (1st Christmas Together, etc.) went in the trash.

I'll be honest; I haven't had a traditional tree since then, so my ornament box hasn't been opened, but I don't regret the decision.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left all ornaments at the former marital home. This year, I went to Target and bought a big package of generic baubles. I also let the kids pick out one special one each so we can rebuild the collection. XH does have all of the baby first christmas ornaments and the like, but I guess I am not that sentimental. I didn't grow up in the US. When I was a kid, commemorative ornaments weren't really a "thing" while my xMIL's tree is full of "Merry Christmas 1983" type ornaments.

The only thing I need back from him are their stockings.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have I told you how much I love my daughters...they decorated the tree and quietly put all the ornaments that reflected my M back in the box. Put up the stockings etc totally decorated him out of the family Christmas. I really love them. They are the best. Worse, my stbxFIL worked for hallmark so we had quite a few.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been wanting to put up the tree, but just can't face opening up the box of ornaments.

Since she walked out on Thanksgiving Day, the wounds are still pretty fresh. We should have been putting the tree up together.

Think I am going to have to take a pass this year.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((jim)))) Understandable, honey. The first year, I went through the motions with the kids of getting the tree, and then it sat unlit and undecorated until we took it down. They weren't up for decorating it, either. Do what feels right for you, not what you think you "should" do. Sending you comfort, jim.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I let the kids wrap and give some of "his" ornaments back to him for Christmas. Saved me having to buy him something from the kids. Kids were happy to have a gift to wrap and give and they KNEW he would like it.

Re-gifting is the wayward style. He re-gifted himself right out of the marriage.

The "our first Christmas" stuff went into the gargage. I didn't even take the energy to smash them first. Just trash.

(((hugs))) for those triggering with this.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel you.

I took all of our ornaments, packed them in a box, and shipped them to him UPS.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 18

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