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Newest Member: dink (44972)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feeling horrible
Ceejay
♀ New Member
Member # 41643
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found out two months ago my SO has been having an affair for the past four years. We've been married for 10, so that's almost half our marriage. I was in shock, then in a rage, now just awful depression. Can't get out of bed. On meds but not really helping. I just can't believe the lying. Feel like such an idiot. Now she wants to try, now that I busted her, to work on our marriage. But I don't think I can ever get past this. Really. I feel so done. But we have two young children and I dread doing this to them. Feel trapped. When will this pain and fog stop so I can make a decision?

Posts: 1 | Registered: Dec 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be in any rush to make a decision. And even if you do make a decision, there is no fine for changing your mind: If you decide to reconcile, you can still decide to leave any time in the next 100 years.

You're in no shape to make any major decisions right now.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Ceejay)) You really don't have to decide anything right now, not today, not in the next two weeks, not even next month. Be patient, kind and sensitive with yourself.

Focus on the kids, focus on getting food and water down your throat. She may say she wants to work on the M but you'd need to wait and see what her actions are anyway to know what your real choices are.

What she has done already may be a dealbreaker but you don't have to know that today. Today, you have to read the 180 (Healing Library, BS FAQ #11). Today you have to take care of you!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
yestopants
♀ Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take your time, focus on you and the kids. I get strength every time I do something I know is good and fun for my kids. This leads to calming me down and doing things for me. It is so hard. Just because they made choices without you doesn't mean you can't start making choices now. choose the little things. best of luck I hope you feel better.


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 282 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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