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Newest Member: gloumama (44930)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This is probably really stupid
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I always touched my rings, and twirled them..and I hate how it feels now to just be bare.

I don't want to just wear a random ring..I don't want to wear any rings..it just makes me feel shitty.


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took me a while to get used to no rings. I used to play with mine too.

Hang in there, you are doing GREAT.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lost)))))...breathe....I hear you about the rings. Finally took mine off about a month ago. I'm down to only reaching to play with them two or three times a day now...It gets easier.


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 426 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, not stupid at all! I've been thinking about my rings....pawn them and have some cash......take them to a jeweler & have a Divorce ring made......what to do? Ironically the diamond in my engagement ring has a huge flaw in it. What do you know? Prophesy? smh
Buy a nice bracelet to play with!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats not stupid at all! My ring finger had a ring indent that didn't go away for almost a year!! Every time I looked at it I was reminded of my imploding life situation! Now a year and a half later the indent is pretty much gone, but whenever I get dressed up to go out somewhere that damned finger feels bare and empty. My strategy is I wear a really nice ring my mom gave me when I was 16. Somehow it makes me feel better.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 243 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember how hard I cried looking at that ring indent.


Last summer I sold my wedding ring at one of those gold places in the mall and took my SO out to dinner with the proceeds. It felt pretty damn awesome.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49474 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's funny because I felt the exact same thing when I took mine off.
They are still sitting in my jewelery box, I am not sure what to do with them now.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made myself rethink the whole ring symbolism entirely. When you step outside the ring representing a unity and continuation and all that, it starts to look remarkably like a shackle.

I know that sounds WAY emo, but remove the convention and look at it. Stripping away the "what its supposed to be" versus "what it is" is a process we all take on lots of different levels during infidelity, whether the marriage dissolves or not.

Shiny rocks. Shiny metal. The smooth clean skin of my finger. In all the puns possible, I choose the finger.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i did the same thing so I just switched a different ring to that hand. even that felt weird but after a bit it made me happy to see something on there. seeing a bare hand make me think "failure" and I am not. i will probably buy something expensive to wear on it soon. it may even look engagement but I dont care. I want something pretty.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took me forever to take them off and then I would constantly be feeling for them. I am twirler also. Eventually I stopped although I still have days when I feel for them and I wonder what the heck I am doing.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't taken mine off yet. It's pretty and I like to play with it but I also feel like fraud. At the same time hoping to sell it and afraid I'll lose it. I'm sure the Snake thinks I keep it on out of love...


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took mine off the day I told him I wanted a divorce. I lost a lot of weight after I found out about the A so mine hadn't fit properly for a while and kept getting left in my gloves so my first thought now is that they've fallen off.


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 562 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Took me a few months to get used to it as well. I kept getting dressed in the mornng and would look for my ring then realize I didn't wear it anymore. I used to play with my class ring on one hand and the band on the other. Now I just twirl the class ring. Give it time after awhile it won't bother you.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
BrokenRock
♂ New Member
Member # 41601
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ring stayed on my finger since the day it was placed there by my WW on our wedding day. 10.5 years. It came off the day I found out she was staying at some guys condo. We are just at the start of this divorce and it has been incredibly hard.

I can feel that the ring is missing and, that it has only made the hole in my heart bigger. I do not know what I will do with it but, I do know that it's removal diminished me. I miss it and wish, hope, and pray that the vow it represented was not broken. But the reality is that it is over now. The ring missing gives it permanence.


Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2013
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just took mine off (you guys inspired me). What pisses me off is that the Snake was always taking his off for karate, cooking, etc and forgetting to put it back on. I often would nag him to put it on before we went out. He took it off when I had him served I think and probably doesn't miss it at all


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do know that it's removal diminished me.
Brokenrock, you honored your wedding vows so nothing about you is diminished. Your WW is the one that failed to understand what vows mean and dishonored herself and what the rings meant. If anyone has disgraced or diminished themselves it is your WW. If your DDay is recent, it's early for you. You did nothing wrong and honored your vows so don't put yourself down for something your WW did. She chose to go out and tarnish what the rings meant.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lostandpregnant,

It's the little things some days, isn't it? I miss my ring too, but eventually I'll buy myself a nice one to represent how I made it out of the fires of hell in one piece.

I took my rings off after DDay and never put them back on. Every once in a while I look at other married people's rings and I get a pang in my chest. I think it starts to go away with time.

Sending you hugs (((Lostandpregnant)))

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 11:03 AM, December 13th (Friday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 371 | Registered: Apr 2013
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I mourn it also because we picked them together, and they were engraved with words that meant so much to me..they were one of a kind made, and I SO treasured them.

Fucking hell. Does the hurt NEVER end?


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to do that all the time. I missed it.

I bought myself a nice pendant with my birth stone in it. I wear it almost all the time. I play with that now instead.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Yes I too felt silly but I miss my ring . I threw it in sewer on d day. Not too smart but I was not in good shape then . I used to be so proud to wear my ring and see hers on. I hate seeing others with it now.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Topic Posts: 27
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