Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: BabaA

Divorce/Separation :
This is probably really stupid

This Topic is Archived
default

 Lostandpregnant (original poster member #41433) posted at 2:50 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

But I always touched my rings, and twirled them..and I hate how it feels now to just be bare.

I don't want to just wear a random ring..I don't want to wear any rings..it just makes me feel shitty.

He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

posts: 354   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6596260
default

nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 2:52 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

It took me a while to get used to no rings. I used to play with mine too.

Hang in there, you are doing GREAT.

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4401   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 6596264
default

PhoenixRising88 ( member #35214) posted at 3:00 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

(((((lost)))))...breathe....I hear you about the rings. Finally took mine off about a month ago. I'm down to only reaching to play with them two or three times a day now...It gets easier.

Me: BS(45)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(52). D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/13. Divorced 1/10/14.

New chapter of my life- married 11/13/15 to the man I'd thought I would never find.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.

posts: 443   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: North Texas
id 6596278
default

BAB61 ( member #41181) posted at 3:28 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

OMG, not stupid at all! I've been thinking about my rings....pawn them and have some cash......take them to a jeweler & have a Divorce ring made......what to do? Ironically the diamond in my engagement ring has a huge flaw in it. What do you know? Prophesy? smh

Buy a nice bracelet to play with!

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

posts: 1271   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2013   ·   location: DE
id 6596309
default

burnedcanuckEMS ( member #35813) posted at 3:31 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

Thats not stupid at all! My ring finger had a ring indent that didn't go away for almost a year!! Every time I looked at it I was reminded of my imploding life situation! Now a year and a half later the indent is pretty much gone, but whenever I get dressed up to go out somewhere that damned finger feels bare and empty. My strategy is I wear a really nice ring my mom gave me when I was 16. Somehow it makes me feel better.

Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

Ipad user sorry for any spelling errors or missing letters etc..... ty

posts: 449   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Alberta
id 6596313
default

damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 3:45 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I remember how hard I cried looking at that ring indent.

Last summer I sold my wedding ring at one of those gold places in the mall and took my SO out to dinner with the proceeds. It felt pretty damn awesome.

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

posts: 49560   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2004   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 6596332
default

ninebark ( member #24534) posted at 3:46 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

That's funny because I felt the exact same thing when I took mine off.

They are still sitting in my jewelery box, I am not sure what to do with them now.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2009   ·   location: Canada
id 6596335
default

Reality ( member #39077) posted at 3:48 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I made myself rethink the whole ring symbolism entirely. When you step outside the ring representing a unity and continuation and all that, it starts to look remarkably like a shackle.

I know that sounds WAY emo, but remove the convention and look at it. Stripping away the "what its supposed to be" versus "what it is" is a process we all take on lots of different levels during infidelity, whether the marriage dissolves or not.

Shiny rocks. Shiny metal. The smooth clean skin of my finger. In all the puns possible, I choose the finger.

posts: 292   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2013
id 6596340
default

lifestoshort ( member #18442) posted at 3:57 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

i did the same thing so I just switched a different ring to that hand. even that felt weird but after a bit it made me happy to see something on there. seeing a bare hand make me think "failure" and I am not. i will probably buy something expensive to wear on it soon. it may even look engagement but I dont care. I want something pretty.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 6 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old & left.

posts: 1061   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 6596360
default

IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 4:03 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

It took me forever to take them off and then I would constantly be feeling for them. I am twirler also. Eventually I stopped although I still have days when I feel for them and I wonder what the heck I am doing.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

posts: 1858   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: WA
id 6596370
default

careerlady ( member #16958) posted at 4:22 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I haven't taken mine off yet. It's pretty and I like to play with it but I also feel like fraud. At the same time hoping to sell it and afraid I'll lose it. I'm sure the Snake thinks I keep it on out of love...

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

posts: 949   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2007   ·   location: Northern California
id 6596389
default

WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 4:32 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I took mine off the day I told him I wanted a divorce. I lost a lot of weight after I found out about the A so mine hadn't fit properly for a while and kept getting left in my gloves so my first thought now is that they've fallen off.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

posts: 978   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013   ·   location: BFE
id 6596399
default

7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 4:37 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

Took me a few months to get used to it as well. I kept getting dressed in the mornng and would look for my ring then realize I didn't wear it anymore. I used to play with my class ring on one hand and the band on the other. Now I just twirl the class ring. Give it time after awhile it won't bother you.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

posts: 2231   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2011   ·   location: VA
id 6596405
default

BrokenRock ( new member #41601) posted at 4:46 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

My ring stayed on my finger since the day it was placed there by my WW on our wedding day. 10.5 years. It came off the day I found out she was staying at some guys condo. We are just at the start of this divorce and it has been incredibly hard.

I can feel that the ring is missing and, that it has only made the hole in my heart bigger. I do not know what I will do with it but, I do know that it's removal diminished me. I miss it and wish, hope, and pray that the vow it represented was not broken. But the reality is that it is over now. The ring missing gives it permanence.

posts: 7   ·   registered: Dec. 10th, 2013
id 6596418
default

careerlady ( member #16958) posted at 4:49 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

Just took mine off (you guys inspired me). What pisses me off is that the Snake was always taking his off for karate, cooking, etc and forgetting to put it back on. I often would nag him to put it on before we went out. He took it off when I had him served I think and probably doesn't miss it at all

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

posts: 949   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2007   ·   location: Northern California
id 6596423
default

7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 4:50 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I do know that it's removal diminished me.

Brokenrock, you honored your wedding vows so nothing about you is diminished. Your WW is the one that failed to understand what vows mean and dishonored herself and what the rings meant. If anyone has disgraced or diminished themselves it is your WW. If your DDay is recent, it's early for you. You did nothing wrong and honored your vows so don't put yourself down for something your WW did. She chose to go out and tarnish what the rings meant.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

posts: 2231   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2011   ·   location: VA
id 6596425
default

NewMom0220 ( member #39036) posted at 4:56 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

Lostandpregnant,

It's the little things some days, isn't it? I miss my ring too, but eventually I'll buy myself a nice one to represent how I made it out of the fires of hell in one piece.

I took my rings off after DDay and never put them back on. Every once in a while I look at other married people's rings and I get a pang in my chest. I think it starts to go away with time.

Sending you hugs (((Lostandpregnant)))

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 11:03 AM, December 13th (Friday)]

Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

posts: 418   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2013
id 6596437
default

 Lostandpregnant (original poster member #41433) posted at 5:27 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I guess I mourn it also because we picked them together, and they were engraved with words that meant so much to me..they were one of a kind made, and I SO treasured them.

Fucking hell. Does the hurt NEVER end?

He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

posts: 354   ·   registered: Nov. 23rd, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6596491
default

hexed ( member #19258) posted at 5:52 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I used to do that all the time. I missed it.

I bought myself a nice pendant with my birth stone in it. I wear it almost all the time. I play with that now instead.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

posts: 9609   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2008
id 6596538
default

Thefly559 ( member #40268) posted at 6:06 PM on Friday, December 13th, 2013

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Yes I too felt silly but I miss my ring . I threw it in sewer on d day. Not too smart but I was not in good shape then . I used to be so proud to wear my ring and see hers on. I hate seeing others with it now.

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

posts: 1033   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: nyc
id 6596563
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy