The realization I was done with the A came in stages for me.
I wanted to end my A for a while before I actually did. I was filled with anxiety and just wanted it all to go away so I told AP I wanted to stop. AP sent an over the top gushing letter proclaiming how wonderful a human being I was and there would never be another person as good as me and then suggested a temporary break instead. Being the weak coward I was and not wanting to appear like the "bad guy", I agreed.
I was looking forward to this break, only to have her contact me the next day with some crisis saying it was not a good time for her to take this break. So the A kept going. I don't want to make it sound like I was a victim here. I was every bit a full willing participant.
This was a turning point for me and I became more resentful toward the A and AP and myself for feeling weak. AP talked about possibly moving to another city and I was hoping she would go. I was hoping fate would take over, move her off and I wouldn't have to deal with anything – the truly cowardice avoidant way of doing things.
I guess the "A-ha" moment for me was when I was cutting my grass one day listening to a sad song. My BW had gone out of town for a few days and it was the longest we'd ever been apart. I realized how much I would miss my life (I was still selfish) and I knew my marriage was ending and I was doing nothing about it even though I was the cause. My AP sort of gave me an out that day and I took it. It took another week but thankfully once I had it in my head finally to end things and confess, I wanted to stick to it this time and work on my marriage.
I didn't have lingering feelings for AP other than anger resentment and annoyance that she kept fishing after D'day. I TT'd for a long time to portray myself in a more positive light. I wanted to still be the "good guy". Once I came to grips with the fact that both AP and I were despicable manipulative parasites, I could see the A and my behavior as disgusting and I hadn't been a "good guy" for a very very long time.
I would say that's when the "fog" really lifted.
I read on this forum that some WS's wish they had the courage to confess. I wouldn't say what I did was true courage but more a cheap courage. One that came from selfishness and to save my hide. But without it, I know I would be divorced right now so I'll take cheap courage over no courage.
But I'm rambling.