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User Topic: What was the moment you realized you were done with your A?
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's interesting how no wayward men have answered this..

Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
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Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Trying33, I don't have statistics and IDK if the admins ever share this info, but based upon my observations, I'd say (conservatively) SI is 70% female. In Wayward the gender imbalance seems even higher.

IDK if it's because in general women are socialized to be sensitive share our feelings, and men are socialized to keep it inside and show a brave face to the world? Time magazine ran an interesting piece about that topic recently.

In Real Boys' Voices, [author William] Pollack points to the aggression, violence and despair among boys...who account for 75% of suicides at ages 10 to evidence that they have been silenced by society.,9171,51266,00.html

end t/j

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
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Member # 33517
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The realization I was done with the A came in stages for me.

I wanted to end my A for a while before I actually did. I was filled with anxiety and just wanted it all to go away so I told AP I wanted to stop. AP sent an over the top gushing letter proclaiming how wonderful a human being I was and there would never be another person as good as me and then suggested a temporary break instead. Being the weak coward I was and not wanting to appear like the "bad guy", I agreed.

I was looking forward to this break, only to have her contact me the next day with some crisis saying it was not a good time for her to take this break. So the A kept going. I don't want to make it sound like I was a victim here. I was every bit a full willing participant.

This was a turning point for me and I became more resentful toward the A and AP and myself for feeling weak. AP talked about possibly moving to another city and I was hoping she would go. I was hoping fate would take over, move her off and I wouldn't have to deal with anything – the truly cowardice avoidant way of doing things.

I guess the "A-ha" moment for me was when I was cutting my grass one day listening to a sad song. My BW had gone out of town for a few days and it was the longest we'd ever been apart. I realized how much I would miss my life (I was still selfish) and I knew my marriage was ending and I was doing nothing about it even though I was the cause. My AP sort of gave me an out that day and I took it. It took another week but thankfully once I had it in my head finally to end things and confess, I wanted to stick to it this time and work on my marriage.

I didn't have lingering feelings for AP other than anger resentment and annoyance that she kept fishing after D'day. I TT'd for a long time to portray myself in a more positive light. I wanted to still be the "good guy". Once I came to grips with the fact that both AP and I were despicable manipulative parasites, I could see the A and my behavior as disgusting and I hadn't been a "good guy" for a very very long time.

I would say that's when the "fog" really lifted.

I read on this forum that some WS's wish they had the courage to confess. I wouldn't say what I did was true courage but more a cheap courage. One that came from selfishness and to save my hide. But without it, I know I would be divorced right now so I'll take cheap courage over no courage.

But I'm rambling.

[This message edited by lostmylight55 at 10:21 AM, December 16th (Monday)]

My Boundaries are firm: Trespassers will be shot on sight.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Oct 2011
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Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I ended my affair when I realized my AP was a big fat, manipulative, disgusting liar! He told me he had gotten a girl pregnant. This was a girlfriend I knew very little of, in fact I didn't know she was his girlfriend. He had told me she meant nothing to him and was only with her because I was far away and married and all along was telling me that he wanted to be with me. Once I did some digging, I discovered that they were very serious and were making long term plans and in fact, looked very happy!! When I broke it off with him, he asked me to stay in his life as his side chick, mistress or whatever and that's when the fog glasses were knocked right off! I realized then and there that i had acted like a slutty immoral woman and I was being treated like one! Everything he had said to me was a lie, all he wanted from me was to continue having our sexting, nude pics, and be able to have me while he was in town!! I ended things with him and confessed to my husband shortly after

Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2013
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