I can see why people jump right into another relationship though. It actually feels like it did when I was in my late teens and felt like I'd "never" be married. I thought I'd never find the right man etc. But I'm determined not to let fear of living my life alone, shape my actions. You know?
One thing that helps me, is looking at friends, acquaintances, and one of my sisters, who are single and very settled and happy with their lives. Good role models, I guess you'd say. They're out there. I want to be completely comfortable with myself and my life without a partner before complicating it.
I'm just living my life. I was just chatting with a friend who has never been married and feels like he should just give up on dating, and I feel like I'm on the other end of the spectrum right now-- I just ended a relationship that spanned almost half of my life, and I'm embracing the single life and don't feel like I have room for anyone else right now.
I think that I haven't met anyone because it's not time for me to meet anyone; my head and heart are not in that place yet. Sometimes I feel lonely, but most of the time, I know that I'm doing just what I need to be doing to heal so that I can be healthy and not make the same mistakes in my next relationship.
I just wish people would butt out of other people's lives. What's good for one doesn't necessarily work for another.
Onward!
What is it with all the pressure to date? I have people saying get back in the saddle, jump right in, dust off the cobwebs, find a booty call, pick someone, anyone, just do it. ACK! I'm getting this too. I'm also being told no, don't do it, what's the rush, blah blah blah. It's a very personal decision. I would definitely make the distinction between dating and getting into a relationship. I think dating is fine, but a serious or even semi-serious relationship requires some healing first.
I'm getting this too. I'm also being told no, don't do it, what's the rush, blah blah blah. It's a very personal decision. I would definitely make the distinction between dating and getting into a relationship. I think dating is fine, but a serious or even semi-serious relationship requires some healing first.
I'm getting this too. I'm also being told no, don't do it, what's the rush, blah blah blah.
It's a very personal decision. I would definitely make the distinction between dating and getting into a relationship. I think dating is fine, but a serious or even semi-serious relationship requires some healing first.
[This message edited by Tripletrouble at 9:07 AM, December 14th (Saturday)]
Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller
I waited about 8 months post-D-Day (3 months post-Divorce) to date and it probably was too soon, but luckily everyone escaped unscathed. After a few months of bad first dates, I took 6 months off and felt truly ready then. That's when I met the guy above :(
I'm on another dating break right now. I truly believe that you can't be a good partner and in a good relationship if you're not happy being single. So many times in NB, we see people whose post-D relationship really isn't much better than the one that brought them to SI, and it just makes me sad that they're squandering this second chance at happiness they received.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
in the end it really was a different guy who allowed me to no longer love cheater ex. I needed to see what a decent man was like to let it all go.
w my ex now, I could date or hook up and not be fazed. it would not be for long term. only fun. this is 2 months after separation but I dont really want to. I feel like I cant trust many so I dont really want to play the game. Im just enjoying my alone time. the last 16 months I have been beyond suffocated by my ex. I just need breathing space.
[This message edited by lifestoshort at 4:36 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]
I just flat have no interest. Seriously. Right now the energy I would 'invest' in wading back into the dating scene(scary thought,BTW)is energy that's right now much better spent healing me, focusing on my wants and needs, and 'remodeling' what needs to change about me so I can really truly love me.
Before this M I had another M, and other fairly serious relationships before that, and when each one ended I just stuffed the hurt and didn't deal with / give myself time to heal from it and kept going and landed way too soon into the next hot mess!
It's been said several times - broken attracts broken. I just don't have the bandwidth to deal with anyone's brokenness right now but mine.
Will I ever date again?? Never say never. But I honestly don't plan on even trying for at least a year from when D comes final - so February 2015 sometime at the earliest. I need to gift myself the time to turn inward for a while. Do I want to grow old by myself? No. But I think it's safer and smarter to wait a while.
Divorce final 2/10/14.
Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.
edited because I apparently can't add or subtract correctly anymore...
[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 2:42 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]
I think how quickly you heal depends on your personal experience. My ex had been living away from home for over a year with work before Dday, so that definitely made a difference in my timeline.
Honestly at this stage I really don't know if I'd ever want to be in a relationship again. I'm not convinced the gains outweigh the risks. I would love to have more children but I can always make a plan and do it alone (MUCH better option than having them have an awful dad like my precious son does now) I do also miss sex. However missing sex is not even close to enough motivation for me to date. (I can't do the casual sex thing so that's not an option either. No moral objections, I just need a connection to open up in that way)
So clearly I'm a cheerleader for waiting and healing first.
I would really like someone special in my life but I also realize that I need to do a lot of work on myself before I involve someone else. After enduring years of my ex’s cheating and lying, I now have major issues with trust as well as low self-esteem. I quit the dating site and haven’t dated since. I honestly don’t know when I’ll be ready to date again but for now I’m just going to focus on myself and my children. I do notice attractive women but the thoughts that cross my mind are things like “She would just cheat on you anyway” or “I’m probably not interesting enough for her”. Until these thoughts stop crossing my mind…I won’t be ready. If by chance I meet someone…great but I’m not going to put much energy into looking right now.
Divorced!!!
I guess it depends on your situation... I was very lonely in my marriage and in reality was only there for my son. His A was truely a blessing in dusguise...
I started dating a couple of months ago, on and off. I am currently seeing someone now. I am guarded and I am okay with that. I am having some fun, laughing and enjoying his company. My IC says to keep it light. I have no interest in getting remarried today.
I know that I am a loving, kind person and for the first time in my life, truly love myself. I have found compassion for myself, an inner strength, kindness and patience with myself over the past year. No one can take that away from me.
