Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.
H is looking for a new job. He doesn't talk to Beth outside of work (no texts except for work texts during work hours). There is nothing *currently* going on (that I know of) that gives me red flags about Beth. It is the past behavior (a year or more ago - I'm not sure why it just started really worrying me) The job is a HUGE company with lots of stress and there is definitely an "attitude" that is not marriage friendly - lots of divorcees and people actually told him "Is this your first marriage?" when we got engaged, yikes. H says he doesn't think it is a good environment to be in or raise a family in.
H actually brought up that he is worried he is bipolar. I don't see the manic side but upon reading bipolar II - it may fit. If anything I see the reduced need for sleep, energy, agitation in the "mania" phase. No delusions of grandeur, grandiose thinking, delusions, etc. He has had 2-3 episodes of these funks over the past 5 years but I guess that could just be straight depression too. I think that he is so volatile it makes me think maybe BPII is a correct diagnosis.
He has an appointment with the CBT on weds and I am going to ask him to bring that concern up.
The past 2 days have actually been really really good - H says he is feeling better (he is meeting my needs and I can see putting the effort in). I am going to see if he is consistent. I think perhaps the medicine finally started to kick in (3 weeks?) or perhaps he if he is BP, he is transitioning out of the depressive state?
I guess here is my plan:
1. Watch H's mood and his treatment of me. I require that he meets my needs and I will be supportive in his quest to feel better. I have made my needs really clear (he likes lists) 1. Truth, 2. Continuous Kindness and 3. Attention. If he has problems meeting any one of these items - time for MC again (and to evaluate if this is the marriage I want).
2. Work on H's boundaries (lying, flirting etc). I know I am not ready to leave over suspicions. I will be checking up on him. But I will treat it like I KNOW he has bad boundaries and that these need to be repaired. He is working on them with the CBT and I will likely request that we do some reading together re healthy boundaries to protect a marriage.
3. Watch and wait on the alcohol. If he cannot keep to his promise - then ask for sobriety. (Which he has agreed to).