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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Down night
lisaloo
♀ Member
Member # 20082
Helpless  Posted: 8:36 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a down night...I know I'm supposed to be ready to move on and break free and all that strong, empowered rhetoric, but I'm just a big depressed mess tonight...all I can seem to think about is the fact that, at the end of the day, no matter how I spin it, I wasn't enough...and that STBXH just simply doesn't want me. And that rejection just hurts like hell.


Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house separation...fun, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has nothing to do with you being not enough, it's about him being incapable. What you are feeling is grief. You are grieving the end of your marriage, the loss of the husband you thought you had. Allow yourself to grieve, it is an important part of the recovery process.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1860 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lisaloo))

There's no timeline for moving on. There are no "supposed to's" either. As annoying as this sounds, it takes as long as it takes. Hugs on this cold winter night.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know. I go back and forth between good days when I LOVE not dealing with ex and all his dysfunction and other days when I feel overwhelmed with sadness at the loss of my marriage. All I know is that this seems to be normal and I'm just taking it a day at a time. I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lisaloo)))) I'm sorry you're feeling down tonight, honey. It is normal. Or at least what passes for normal in these circumstances. Be gentle with yourself, honey. One thing you can count on for certain is that just as sure as you are down tonight, you will be up again. It may not be much, but it helped me in some of the toughest hours.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, December 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lisaloo))) you can't fill an abyss, and serial cheaters can never be satisfied. They are bottomless abysses. Black holes. The vacuum of space. Many of them are narcissists so they only end up "settling down" with the best of the best (like us ) and are enamored for a while, but in the end no one can be enough. That's why you see even the most gorgeous, talented people cheated on and thrown out like yesterday's garbage. It's THEM.

Not that I don't mourn the loss of my marriage, quite the contrary. I just know it never could have worked with the Snake and his ilk.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Topic Posts: 6

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