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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: And here comes the anger...
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After popping in and out of the S/D board a few times and never pulling the trigger - I kicked WH out on Thursday. I am not filing yet, I have no reason to think he will pull his out from his arse but for now - its just a separation. The first two days were actually amazing. The house was calmer, I was a totally different person. I didn't miss him, not anymore than I have for years anyways. I miss the guy I married - not this jerk who has replaced him.

Then. The anger hit. I don't even know what started it. It's just so stupid. So avoidable. Our marriage itself wasn't bad, it was actually really good and then he gets pressure from his job and starts to pull away from me and the family and then has an affair. AVOIDABLE. For 15 months I have worked my butt off to fix me (I changed a lot the last year of his affair sadly) and worked on fixing US. He has been a self centered, egotistical, manipulating JERK. AVOIDABLE. The affair wasn't a deal breaker. I WANTED to forgive him and move on. I wanted to just get to us. But nope - that scary man in the mirror couldn't be faced.

Then my youngest goes to see him. First time since he left. I pick her up, she is very upset. She tells me she just wants him to come home. He texts me to tell me what she said - "why can't you just come Home?" his answer? "I just can't." she then tells it like it is (not in a mean way in a this is so simple a 10 YO knows the answer) "it's been HOURS, haven't you just done what you need?" GRRRRRRRRR!!! "I JUST CAN'T?!?!" Way to own it asshat!!!

So he's off in MY studio with NO responsibilities at all while I fix my daughters broken heart, shovel our driveway, take HIS dog outside (the one who is a basket case and I have asked him 800 times to find a rescue for) and I take our son to his first wrestling meet in a wicked snow storm? UGHHHHHH!!!! THIS IS SOOOOO STUPID!

I need a punching bag right now as THIS level of anger isn't one that works well for me. I have fought too hard to be a woman of integrity after the nightmare that was the first 6 months after Dday. A Dr. Who marathon with my broken hearted daughter may cheer us both up - if not we bake cookies and eat more dough than goes in the stove.

Edited because I shouldn't type when angry - I can't spell when happy even

[This message edited by sodamnlost at 2:45 PM, December 14th (Saturday)]


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I can relate. I'm also super angry. Need to find stuff that makes us smile. Watch comedies, laugh.

She asked for S a couple days ago. No papers are drawn yet. I'm doing NC to WS. I'm in the guest room as I don't want to be the one leaving the house (see why in the sig). So uncomfortable.

But because mine is a WW, *she* gets to have the kids by default and continue playing house like nothing happened. She cheats on me for 11 months, blames me for it, shows no remorse and then the one who loses his family is me.

So anger is justified. Still, I need to heal, so her asking for S is likely the best thing that has happened so far, as I get to no longer worry about, as she said "getting into her s**t" (and what an appropriate remark that is, because what she did is indeed that, and that's putting it politely.

Anyway hang in there. We are better than that. Our dignity is intact. Cheers!


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 747 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i would give up the dog. no way i would take on more responsibility with a child and all the other stuff on your hands. when I found out my ex was cheating, I could barely feed myself let alone my kids. i was a walking zombie lost in thought.
it was bad.

i think what you are going thru is a stage. my ex now did not cheat but I was shoveling today thinking about how he so screwed it up when it could have been a decent life. so so dumb. all selfish reasons for them. it doesnt make sense, unless I guess you are them.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sodamnlost)))

Welcome to the roller coaster. I preferred the angry stage to the weepy stage, although they came on top of one another some days...

I hear you on the WS living with no responsibility! Anger fuel indeed.

Hang in there.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i would give up the dog. no way i would take on more responsibility with a child and all the other stuff on your hands.

Actually we have 4 dogs and 5 Kids at home! LMAO! No wonder I feel bat shit crazy right now!

I haven't been weepy. Maybe it hasn't hit but I've been mourning my marriage for 15 months since Dday and a good 3 years before that, most of which he was in an affair. Maybe I'm all cried out?


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, December 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A Doctor Who marathon can - at least temporarily - fix a hell of a lot!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1990 | Registered: Jan 2013
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 2:34 AM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sodamnlost... the worst for you is DEFINITELY over now, I can tell. You remind me of me when my WH moved out. My kids and I drew our wagons in a circle and had more laughs than we had for years in those first six months. We watched comedies and did things to make ourselves feel good (they felt as abandoned as I did, and refused to have any contact with their dad for a year).

we made some amazing happy memories in that first year. we went on vacation toget-her, developed new in-jokes...

the tears and sleepless nights, the anger and betrayal were still there, but gradually diminished. I filed for D and made some fantastic new friends... a year after the S I can't say I had no regrets, but I had a happy life and still have.

I tell you this because your future is not this horrible situation. Believe that.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
JessicaFL127
♀ Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, December 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooh, I second the doctor who marathon! And plenty of music to match your mood will help. The anger phase will come and go (sometimes more than once) just like all the others. Good luck honey.


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 8

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