After blocking them,I got much happier and things really started to take off in my life. So the best karma that has happened is that I survived and am healing.
[This message edited by BAB61 at 12:03 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]
We are almost 3 years out from DDay and recently crazy man has been keeping "in touch" I think he truly thinks we can be friends at somet point. AYFKM??? My logical interpretation is that he's fucked up in his current life and is looking to me for a soft place to land.
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
Like you (or maybe not like you) I find myself hungrily scanning SI looking for threads with the word "karma" in the subject. I am at the stage where I feel I MUST be assured that my STBX will end up regretting what she has done or most importantly--that her relationship with the AP will implode once the fantasy has worn off and reality has set in.
But I don't want to get stuck in this stage. Yes it does help when like you I read these karma stories. But I also know that karma, IF it ever happens, may very well happen unbeknownst to me. And I will sit and grind my teeth for years, thinking, Why, Why? Why is there no justice.
And of course there is the distinct possibility that my STBX has indeed found the true love of her life and they will live happily ever after.
My point is that I do not believe it is a good idea to place too much importance on karma; it slows our healing since it is just another manifestation of being stuck on HIM/HER. Like the other stages of this process, I want this to be a stage--the desire that "she gets hers." I want to move past it--without forcing it, for none of these stages can be forced--toward indifference. I want to be serenely indifferent. That is my holy grail.
But like you, I am far from indifference. I will be honest: I want her to suffer. I want payback. I want justice in its most painful form. I want her AP to kick her to the curb and for her to come literally crawling back to me so I can spurn her majestically.
But more than this, I want to move past this into my own life, where my concern 24/ is ME and my children.
We will get there.
BTW: I do not believe in karma. I just use it for shorthand. I believe in logic and statistics in this case. I believe a relationship borne from lies and deceit and with no shared history will likely implode; logic and statistics bear me out. And I believe that WS's are sick selfish people who have serious attachment disorders (at least mine does) and their AP's are either equally abnormal and selfish. A relationship between two such individuals is extremely likely to fall apart; it cannot be sustained forever.
But again, my happiness must eventually not be contingent upon their unhappiness.
I hope I haven't projected myself onto your thread too much. My original intent was simply to say "I am right there with you." Didn't mean to get preachy :-)
[This message edited by Abbondad at 6:17 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
I believe a relationship borne from lies and deceit and with no shared history will likely implode; logic and statistics bear me out. And I believe that WS's are sick selfish people who have serious attachment disorders (at least mine does) and their AP's are either equally abnormal and selfish. A relationship between two such individuals is extremely likely to fall apart; it cannot be sustained forever.
You have no idea how much comfort that I derived from this.
I am well within reach of indifference. He no longer consumed my every thought, and I am at the point where I could care less what they do to each other...however...I have no positive things to say about either one of them. Not really negative...just nothing. Because that is what they are...nothing.
But I must admit, that when I find out that his anger, bad choices and resentment are drowning them...I still do get a little giddy.
Only because I love knowing that "what goes around, comes around" and I need to believe in some universal justice.
I want her AP to kick her to the curb and for her to come literally crawling back to me so I can spurn her majestically.
My give-a-fuck is busted now but before I reached this point I used to have this fantasy of him asking me for another chance and I respond in song:
"Girl I refuse, you must have me confused with some other guy. Your bridges are burned, now its your turn... to cry. Cry me a riveeeeer, cry me a riiiiiveeeeer.... cry me, cry me".
Made all the more funny because I am tone deaf and can't sing for shit. But in my head I sound like Adele. I will admit I do still grin my face off whenever I hear any JT song.
I don't know if this is karma, I can tell you that I saw this writing on the wall.
[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 8:35 AM, December 15th (Sunday)]
Sad. So very, very sad.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
But they never will. Know why? Because they aren't capable of feeling anything. If they were, they couldn't have done this.
They will never feel the pain I am feeling.
The best I can hope for is that he thinks of the twins someday and has to face the fact that he has children out there that don't know him and never will..that it hits him, right in his soul someday, and eats him alive.
But I know that will never happen.
So I guess my comfort comes from knowing that while he has a disgusting slag by his side..*I* have the children..and I win.
I was just curious what was the greatest Karma to happen and how long did it take.
So my karma story is I worked my ass off to heal and rebuild my life so that I could support my kids as they grieved the family they once had and the "father" they once had. The kids and I have the BEST TIMES and we are happy and we live in a peaceful home. We laugh. We make a mess. We are healing. We are rebuilding. I am back in graduate school after being out of school for 18 years. With my degree, I will be able to provide for them long term (due to their needs). I rediscovered friendships and made many new friends. I am happy and I am blessed and I am at peace. I love my life!
So far, my stbx has lost his children ~ they don't have any contact with him. Therefore, he is missing out on being in the lives of THE greatest kids! He has burned every significant family relationship. Except one sister who he used to not like but is back in contact with her because she can loan him money. When he was with me, he had no debt. Just one year since he walked out, he is $25,000 in debt. Not including the $25,000 he owes me. He doesn't have his gun and badge so is working a desk job. He tried to screw me over with the IRS and now HE is the one who will have to refile and pay more plus fines (he already paid over $1000 to federal) And I KNOW this isn't the end of his karma. And I seriously don't give a fuck.
And for the girlfriend, her karma is SHE HAS HIM!!
(I also believe that the person they have harmed the most, is actually themselves, to become a person that can do it...how much must you hate yourself, deep down? How much have you changed yourself for the worse by becoming a WS?)
The only way for them to stop being broken and making rotten choices, is if they choose to face themselves and put the hard work into changing and making better choices.
I'm not waiting for karma to hit Happy Pants (or even Slappy Knickers). I know that when Happy Pants is heavy into his wayward thinking, he loses track of his finances, he resents people, he cheats. And I'm no longer around to blame. Unless he gets a sudden epiphany, he'll keep doing all that and eventually it will bite him on his spotty arse. And it will all be on him.
Meanwhile, I may be living with very little, moneywise, I may have to try and find a career after being out of regular work for over a decade. But I have our children, I have self respect, I have integrity and I have worked hard on my own brokenness and will continue to do so, so that I make better choices and become the best that I can be.
It doesn't matter whether he is always wealthy and I am always poor. My life is rich.
When xWH#1 left, I was devastated. I put up with all his drinking for so many years and he left me. I was left holding the bag and it seemed he was happy and carefree. I started idealizing him and our M missing what I had.
Years later, he married a nice lady (that had nothing to do with us) again I thought he was lucky. Then I started to hear from older DS that he was still drinking, was having fights with her, she was thinking of leaving, etc. It made me finally realize that he never changed, and I was the lucky one to escaped his alcoholism.
That was the karma.
Oh my god, that story is epic. I love Judge Judy..that is just so awesome.