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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: frustrated.
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's really important to remember that you can't heal him, and you trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do isn't going to go over well. It sounds like being apart for winter break may be good for you.

How are you planning to use this time?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36935 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
MairISaoirse
♀ Member
Member # 41497
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you planning to use this time?

I'm spending this time with my family as well, going to church on sundays, reading "after the affair" and starting "not just friends", as well as spending time on my new hobby and baking


Mad Hatter

Me: 21
Him: 21
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad

after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
D-DAY 11/21/13

In Limbo


Posts: 114 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Kentucky
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been watching your thread and keeping silent because I felt you were getting some really good advice. But....

because the person he is going to, to talk to has never experienced either side of infidelity, or even been in a real, loving relationship where marriage down the line was an option. She just can't connect with him that way, because she has not herself experienced any of this this. Not to mention she is biased

Whoa! Hold on a minute here...he is hanging out with her and talking to her about your relationship?!!!

IMVHO he is in at least an EA. You are being toyed with. Think long and hard. He is manipulative. You aren't supposed to listen to the folks on an infidelity board who have btdt and have no hidden agenda with regards to your sitch but he is listening to some female he is hanging out with who has no experience in these matters. What about him being strong, smart, and independent? You have a good head on your shoulders and you seem pretty smart to me, maybe a little naive to his game... Blinded by love perhaps? You are going to be just fine! Keep working on being the person you want to be. You've got this.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we're both on winter break, in our respective homes which are a 5 hour drive apart, most of this conversation went through text and eventually over the phone, because he was hanging out with that friend who he is sharing our problems with

Take a step back. Your boyfriend is discussing your relationship with a female friend. This is highly inappropriate and a hard boundary for many of us.

I think you are doing a great job working on you.

He is doing whatever the flip he wants.

Again, I don't think he should be talking to a heterosexual woman about YOUR relationship.

I would bet that he has crossed many lines with her and others.

Is this what you want? A one-sided relationship. Most people don't change. You are trying, him....nope.

Please take the blinders off and see this for what it is. A 21 year old man who isn't going to be a long-term, trustworthy companion.

[This message edited by Mrs Panda at 10:24 AM, December 22nd (Sunday)]


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
mindbody
♀ Member
Member # 27941
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIS, sadly, he is disrespecting you by talking to this other woman. I'm sure there are many of us BSO/BS who know this was one of the first steps their Ws took down the slippery slope.

He's all too familiar with choosing to turn away from a relationship rather than toward. As ksbff is telling you, this is way wrong and inappropriate - a huge breach of relationship boundaries.

Continue to work on your healing and be mindful that he is on the wrong path.


Posts: 300 | Registered: Mar 2010
MairISaoirse
♀ Member
Member # 41497
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you guys sure though? This girl he is talking to is like his sister, their relationship since they were kids has been strictly platonic. (Sp?)

Now when he was talking to EXGF about me, I blew a gasket. The thought of her even saying my name made me want to vomit. His friend though, not so much.

I'm going to show him my threads here once this break is over. See how he reacts to them

ETA- He has already said that if it were to come down to it, if i made him choose between me and her, that he would choose his best friend for years and years over the girl he dated for two years that cheated on him.
I don't blame him for this though, I'd probably say the same thing if the situations we're reversed because my best friend is a male too.

side note-Is it possible for a wayward to have friends of the opposite sex? i'm just wondering about my best friend, and if i will have to give him up later on because I have strayed before. I've known him for 6 years, and we have always been just friends. REAL just friends, no physical or emotional attraction what so ever.

[This message edited by MairISaoirse at 6:13 PM, December 22nd (Sunday)]


Mad Hatter

Me: 21
Him: 21
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad

after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
D-DAY 11/21/13

In Limbo


Posts: 114 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Kentucky
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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