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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Being single during the holidays.....
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Concerned  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont know why.....but this year is hitting me harder than last year. I guess because last year my daughter was much more needy being a 4 month old who was exclusively breastfed and working full-time (which I still do) but she is walking now and a "little" more independent....still a momma's girl!

I guess with Christmas getting closer..... I'm just feeling sad. 2nd Christmas single with no end in sight. I took "massage guy" to a Christmas party this past weekend....nothing happened or anything..just as friends. My friends liked him.....but I digress. My issues with him hold me back. The non-driving....(due to the DUI he got years ago and refusing to pay to have the required breathlyzer put in his vehicle - so he bums rides)....the smoking.... the living conditions....

He works hard....and seems like a great dad.... and is a sweet guy....but I can't let my loneliness fog my judgment.

It just sucks to be single. I would have killed for even a moment of holding hands....hugging....cuddling....or just feeling wanted. But, the night ended with me dropping him off.....a simple hug goodbye....and off I went.

I'm excited about spending this Christmas with my daughter...her 1st REAL fun Christmas where she will be excited about her gifts and maybe even open some of her presents....

But....I just wish I had an SO to spend it with too.... Oh well. I'm done with my pity party now.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had nearly a decade of solo holidays. It gets easier, even enjoyable. You have less shopping to do. You don't have to try and squeeze in multiple family events, you can just attend your stuff.

I found that holidays ended up being less stressful as a single gal.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49476 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah...and I'm thankful to have my daughter to spend it with too. Living vicariously through a child at Christmas will be a lot of fun for me!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, but I promise it gets easier and a lot more fun as your little girl gets older.

This is actually my fourth Christmas as a single and it's the first one where I don't find myself very sad. So, it took a lot of time to get to this place.

Christmas is just different now. I made new traditions with the kids and they love it.

I wouldn't mind hand holding or someone to find me special enough to buy me a nice gift, but, at the same time, that means a relationship has to ensue and I'm not there yet. So, in the meantime, I buy myself a couple of nice gifts and move on with our laid back Christmas and fun Christmas traditions.

I know it's hard and it feels like the whole world is coupled up. But, remember how dysfunctional most relationships are, remember having to deal with crazy in laws and family traditions that you didn't like and didn't start. Its not all Norman Rockwell, trust me.

As Piper gets older, she will only go more wacky at the idea of Christmas. Just wait until you get to teach her to bake Christmas cookies and she's old enough to help decorate a tree and the house. Wait until you can have a group of her little friends over to decorate gingerbread houses. Wait until you can take her driving around to see all the lights on the houses and she's old enough to tell you which ones she loved best.

It's all uphill from here and you get to be in the driver's seat. I know it can be sad, but it will also get so much better very soon.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2794 | Registered: Jan 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's so true suckstobeme.....

I baked her chocolate chip cookies last night when we were at grandpas house and she ate cookies like they were her last meal! It was pretty funny for such a picky eater....but then again she's not a stupid child!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my 5th Christmas single. I didn't really have super special Christmases with a boyfriend/husband, either. Hollywood makes us think this time of year makes everything rosy and lovey-dovey. It's not, really. You have more gifts to buy, more splitting your time between families, possibly more opportunities to argue. Embrace your life and family and single hood. Coupling is lovely for many reasons, but even the very best relationships have challenges. You don't want a dud. You want the very best. These single years are worth it to wait for that very best.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2513 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5th one alone here. They all really sucked when I was married, so it's ok.

Myamily doesn't normally celebrate the holidays on the actual day, so that makes it really bad. This year, we are getting together on Christmas, so that's good.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7646 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He works hard....and seems like a great dad.... and is a sweet guy....but I can't let my loneliness fog my judgment.

Honey, I wouldn't be mentioning this if I didn't see a huge red flag.
I don't always have a filter, so I'm going to do my best not to offend here.
This guy is not even friendship material. He makes bad judgments. The fact that he has a DUI may not necessarily be the deal breaker, there are always extenuating circumstances, but he had a CHOICE to put a breathalyzer in his vehicle and didn't. If I made a mistake, I would be doing EVERYTHING in my power to remedy it. If I had to work a 2d and 3d job to afford that breathalyzer. The red flag, he doesn't own his mistakes. Most of us are here because we were with selfish, entitled folks who didn't want to own their actions.
And his smoking and living conditons.....
Sorry to T/J, but didn't want you to go down that road with someone who isn't right for you.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most relationships are significantly dysfunctional?


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 826 | Registered: Nov 2012
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fifth xmas alone here as well. Peaceful and laid back.

I hang with folks I love to be with, my surrogate family -- my real family is prickly and confrontational and they all live far away anyway which suits me fine.

I spent the weekend just rambling around downtown watching couples being pissed at each other. The men were fed up and being assholes, walking ahead quickly and ignoring their gals. I felt sorry for them LOL.

Yeah, happy days.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to T/J, but didn't want you to go down that road with someone who isn't right for you.

That's precisely why I'm not dating him. He actually does work 2 jobs and I have to give him credit because he also pays out around $500 a month in child support on one child. So, I know he is trying. He also hasn't had a drop of alcohol in over 2 years. Its not because he doesn't want to drive or because he doesn't want to own his mistakes....I think its because it really is a money thing and he can't afford it. But, its still not a situation that I want to deal with. I'm not defending him in that I want to be with him, but he is a decent person and I do believe he is at least friend material. He's a much better person than my daughter's sperm donor and I would never be his friend.

You all won't have to worry about me dating him. If I had wanted to do that....I would have months ago. I've purposely avoided going down that road for many reasons. I'm sticking to the standards I have put in place for myself and my daughter and that's that.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 11:55 AM, December 16th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This wil be my 2nd Christmas single. Last year, I was one month post dday and I sobbed. I fixed dinner for my family but I really wasn't there. My body was there but my heart was broken.

One thing I did do last year that I really enjoyed was attending a service my church did on Christmas Eve. My son spends Xmas eve with his Dad's family (my 1st husband, not the cheater) and I did not want to sit home alone. So, I went and had a lovely time. All they did was sing Christmas songs (the kids were adorable) and for two hours, I felt better. I found something that was meaningful for me and appreciated the fact that I was free to do as I pleased.

I will be there this Christmas Eve as well!!


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 468 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate the holidays as a single person.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2230 | Registered: Feb 2010
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my third Holiday Season alone. Intellectually I'm OK with stuff. I do what I want and make sure I'm gentle with myself during the periods when my heart hurts.

Even though the holidays were never that great when FWS was alive at least I was sharing the day with someone I cared about.

Yes....it would be wonderful to share these days with. But "it is what it is" and I'm settling into the realization that because of where I live and my age, I will most likely spend the rest of my life minus a partner.

I'm wrapping my head around that and coming to terms with it.

I bought myself a really cool Anushka leather tote bag and am thinking about having salmon and maybe some grilled shrimp with a really good bottle of Thomas Schmitt Riesling.

(sigh)

Happy Holidays everyone.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6545 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhh....k9! When's dinner??!!!

I love Anushka! I own a handbag and wallet in a beautiful print! Its a traveler bag. I'm coming to terms with my single-ness (is that a word? ) I'm actually getting a little excited for my little one....her 1st real Christmas being able to open her own presents! I'm gonna make a hash brown casserole and have Christmas breakfast with my dad, sister, her friend sara, and Piper, nana, and Piper's Godmother Heather!

I might not be in a romantic relationship.....but I will be surrounded by love!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And that Shelly is what Christmas is about.

Wallow in the love girl.......


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6545 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Topic Posts: 17

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