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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Question for WH's
Trying33
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Stop  Posted: 5:48 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is really for Wayward Husbands/males(and particularly those who have done it several times before).

I've been curious for some time about a few things. What do guys really think about when hitting on clearly married women?

Is it easy to tell when a married woman is "up for it" and will dish out sex because she's unhappy in her marriage? Is the first sign when she starts bitching about her husband/M?

Do you find that having an A with a married woman was "safer" as she had as much to lose as you?

Did you antagonise over the "men's honour" thing? Sleeping with another mans wife? Was it a guilt inducing thing or not?

Did you, ever, at any point, seriously consider leaving your wife/GF for the OW?


Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
nevergiveup10
♂ Member
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can tell you most single guys really have no problem hitting on married women. In short most guys don't think if they are just looking to score.

A pretty good indicator as I saw it was a married woman at a bar drinking late in the evening. That in itself pointed to a need somewhere.

My AP had approached me and eventually propositioned me. I did feel it was safer with another married person just for the reason you said. They won't show up on your doorstep to talk to your wife.

I didn't have much guilt sleeping with another man's wife, but then I didn't really have guilt towards my own wife until I started to realize how wrong it was for me to be doing it and I ended it shortly thereafter. I had compartmentalized my affair from my real life, and in doing so suppressed the guilt. My guilt lies with having a part in breaking up another family in addition to my own.

I never considered leaving my wife for my AP, but my AP had started to ask if I would for her. That's when I knew it had gone too far.

Hope this helps


WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
Trying33
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks nevergiveup.

I never considered leaving my wife for my AP, but my AP had started to ask if I would for her. That's when I knew it had gone too far.

This sounds very familiar.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 6:44 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nevergiveup,

Please don't generalize. It's against site guidelines.

GENERAL STATEMENTS: Please refrain from making statements that generalize gender, WS/OP/BS, race, religion or political alignment. Also not presume to speak on behalf of other people.

Thank you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38190 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lmw9808
♂ New Member
Member # 41255
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you find that having an A with a married woman was "safer" as she had as much to lose as you?

For me I did. I rationalized that she had as much to loose as I did. By this thinking she would be equally incentivized to keep a secret as I was. Of course this is a false reality as you never really know what the OW may do. You never really know their true motives in the A.

Did you antagonize over the "men's honor" thing? Sleeping with another mans wife? Was it a guilt inducing thing or not?

I did not give much consideration to the fact that I was sleeping with another mans wife. I had a lot of guilt for what I was doing to my wife. I really never fully contemplated the damage I was doing to my wife or the OW's husband. I was deep in the fog. I compartmentalized the A and created rationalizations for my actions so I could feel good about myself. Deep down I knew it was wrong but I could not stop. I needed the sex and attention. Now I see the sex was really about the attention. FOO issues. My A went on for years this way.

Did you, ever, at any point, seriously consider leaving your wife/GF for the OW?

Yes and no. In the beginning of my A I threatened D. I did not want to leave for the OW I wanted something different in my A. What I wanted was never going to happen because I was not willing to look in the mirror and see that the root of the unhappiness was me. So I made an even worse decision. I decided to have both. This caused even more damage.


Me - WH 44
Her - BS 45
Married 19 years
D-Day 5/18/13 5 year LTA

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2013
Trying33
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nevergiveup,
Please don't generalize. It's against site guidelines.

GENERAL STATEMENTS: Please refrain from making statements that generalize gender, WS/OP/BS, race, religion or political alignment. Also not presume to speak on behalf of other people.

Thank you.

I hope it's ok to say this, but I really didn't see what was wrong in what he said.

For me, the point of this thread is to process what's going on in my head. That the A was a lie and not real. That my xAP had had many A's prior to the one with me and was "seasoned". It's almost as if I need some input into realising that not all people enter into an A "genuinely" and what I mean by that is that some people enter an A in a very pre-meditated way. Because that wasn't my personal experience I sometimes am baffled.

For me, there was a future in my wayward relationship or at least I imagined there was. For my AP, it would seem that was never a possibility. I am trying to understand if that is a common occurrence especially for wayward men.

I think on this site, it's sometimes necessary to generalise and I think we do it often because people who betray or have betrayed tend to feel universal emotions of pain etc so we clump things together all the time which is another word for generalising.

I know, one man cannot speak on behalf of a whole gender but it's useful for me to hear how "men" think. It's helpful and snaps me out of my naivety.

The above is said with all due respect to AN/Mods.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Red  Posted: 12:54 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying,

We have certain Guidelines in place for a reason. Being the holidays and all, I'm just going to post the pertinent ones. Feel free to send me a PM if you want to discuss it further

GENERAL STATEMENTS: Please refrain from making statements that generalize gender, WS/OP/BS, race, religion or political alignment. Also do not presume to speak on behalf of other people.

STAFF ACTIONS: If you have a question regarding a staff action bring it to our attention by using the Private Message feature. Do not question staff actions on the public forums.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37465 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 7

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