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Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Urgent!! Need Boundary Advice! Asap!!
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frankly,, last night didn't go well IMO. On your part, yes. Her part? No. You need to take this up with HR at this point. She's not only overstepping personal, but professional boundaries and creating a hostile work environment. My husband has been fired for it. If the tables were turned, as a man, you could easily be. She needs to be accountable for her actions.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Near the end of our second break she started to talk about her financial situation and getting X-mas presents for her children. I had my head buried in my phone playing a game and ignored her. After a minute or so she switched back to work talk, then left. I looked up at that point and realized that we were the only ones in the break room. Looking back I now realize that I should have paid a little more attention to when everyone left the room, so I could have left with them.

I'm really and truly struggling to see how you accidentally ended up in an empty room with her. Playing games on your phone? You're not a teenager, Scorpio.

You don't owe us anything, but you owe yourself and your BSO some honesty. If I had to guess, I'd say she got you alone for some conversation and you blew the boundaries by giving her what she wanted (attention, personal conversation) because your conflict avoidance kicked in full steam. You don't offer a cactus a hug. Your walls weren't up. Inside you were likely VERY uncomfortable, but you haven't learned how to say no yet.

If what you're reporting here is close to accurate, she's definitely a predator and she knows how to manipulate people like you.

Take a deep breath, and arm yourself with love for your BSO, respect for yourself, and the law. You have to take an active role in getting her to stop. This is going to escalate, so doing something about it now isn't going to make things worse, it's going to give you more control.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:17 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17787 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
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Member # 41561
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The reason that I play games on my phone is that I have PTSD. I use it as a coping mechanism for extremely stressful situations. I use this site and games to avoid unhealthy conversations (i.e. other affairs, sharing women, strip club prices, etc.) that I don't want anything to do with at work. The problem is that I sometimes lose myself in the games.

I do recognize that I have conflict avoidance issues and I am trying to get over them. I think that the more I believe in myself, the less I'll be afraid of confronting people.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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