It also seems as though he didn't get angry or defensive, he signed it. Do his other actions back up his commitment to R? If so, I wouldn't send it her.
2. Why have you continued to contact her and send countless messages?? NC is for both of you!!
3. He may have asked that because...you continue to contact her and want something from her!!! His question is based on your actions!
What exactly is the point of this document?
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
I edit, therefore I am.
She spent a lot of time and energy chasing the OW, trying to get information out of her, as she puts it "hopping on the crazy train". If you read the blog from beginning to end, it's pretty revealing about how far down the rabbit hole one can go and how incredibly destructive it can be - destructive to the BS.
I know it's hard not to obsess over the OW and uncovering the truth. You may want to ask yourself how much emotional energy you want to spend on the OW and can that emotional energy be better spent on healing yourself.
Sending the letter to the OW may not answer your questions. Your WH may be right - she may tell you otherwise, it may be the truth, it may be lies. You won't know. He could be worried about being caught in something, he may be worried about you, whether this will help and wanting to help you (and him) heal.
The problem with infidelity is that it makes us question EVERYTHING. I'm no expert. But I've been told that at some point you have to let some things go - a first step may be stop contacting the OW. Let her go. She's not worth your time.
The very best thing we BS can do is not allow the OW/OM to continue having power over our lives. They need to be treated as people who don't matter at all.
Intellectually, we all know the OW/OM was chosen because they were there and they were broken enough to go along with the A.
The problem is with our spouses. That's where our focus needs to be. NC is so, so important for that reason.
Yes, OM/OW chose to hurt us in a most personal way. But they were invited to do so by our spouses.
OM in my case is a cowardly rat. My WW and I are getting help. He's not. He's just going to F his life some other way. I'm content with that.
Stay strong and please try to keep the focus on your partner.
Why did you write it and not him?
What does swearing on his mother's grave do? He's a liar and a cheater, do you think that means he will be truthful because of that?
If the first question out-of-my-husband's mouth was: "Are you going to show this to OW?"
---I'd assume/believe my husband was LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH about something in that letter you want him to sign.
---I'd also wonder: If all CONTACT between my husband and OW has really ended, or not?
As for your husband or any cheating spouse "swearing on their Mother's Grave"...Or the grave of their children or anyone else:
--Such a declaration of truth wouldn't mean one thing to me!
--Here on SI I've read where A Cheating Spouse has LIED, and sworn on the life of "Fathers, Mothers, Children" and the Cheating Spouse continued to LIE.
If you really want to know "what this means" 100%: I'd suggest you have your husband submit to a POLYGRAPH.
Ask him if he's willing to do this....then you might have your answer.
My feeling is: He will probably refuse your request to take a POLYGRAPH. Most of our lying spouses do refuse to take a polygraph.
That's my opinion, anyway.
I'd also suggest: That you END all contact with the OW. You will not find any valuable information from this woman.
[This message edited by Dare2Trust at 4:09 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
His questions before signing are odd to say the least, and I wouldn't give credence to him swearing on anyone or anything.
Put your same statements into a poly and make him take it.