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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: so ashamed
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a restaurant I usually quickly run in & out of with take out. Today I was in there a little later than usual & had no place to go, so I sat down to eat.

The place started to fill up. I noticed I was the only woman in the place. Then the thought came....if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out.

I was so ashamed of myself. I felt the need to look only at my table or out the window to avoid any possible temptation. How did I get here?

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are being hyper-vigilant. I get random, crazy thoughts like that too. Sometimes our minds are like monkeys!!

I wouldn't be worried or ashamed unless you were really contemplating hooking up with someone there. Like, you know, grabbing them and hustling them into the bathroom. .

Lighten up a little soconfusednow! If it becomes a pattern of escapist thinking, then you have something to worry about.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:15 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be so hard on yourself. The ground was taken out from underneath you not that long ago. There is a huge difference between a fleeting thought and an action plan.

It's good to acknowledge when we have unhealthy thoughts, and to tell them to shush. You're not a bad person, you're just in a new headspace and need to learn how to deal with the emotions. You're going to be ok.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are ok!!! I have had the most random thoughts like that, I am embarrassed to even say them. Yours is pretty tame compared to mine, just saying.

Sadly though, I too wonder how in the world did I get here, of all places?

Take care!

Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out... I was so ashamed of myself.

I'm sorry you felt ashamed. I think you just noticed the environment. You recognized a slippery slope without jumping onto it. That's reason to celebrate your observational skills and integrity.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have those thoughts too...nothing to be ashamed of. I used to look around me in every store and wonder which guys would leave the store with me if I came on to them! I would NEVER act on those thoughts. I think those kind of thoughts are actually a way to understand our WS and tap in to our we can understand their flaws and weaknesses better.

Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.

Posts: 261 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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