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soconfusednow (original poster member #40078) posted at 7:50 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
There is a restaurant I usually quickly run in & out of with take out. Today I was in there a little later than usual & had no place to go, so I sat down to eat.
The place started to fill up. I noticed I was the only woman in the place. Then the thought came....if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out.
I was so ashamed of myself. I felt the need to look only at my table or out the window to avoid any possible temptation. 
How did I get here?
D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50's WH 50's
NC-several, last broken NC 7/2013 (?)
Married 30+ years, 2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 8:10 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
I think you are being hyper-vigilant. I get random, crazy thoughts like that too. Sometimes our minds are like monkeys!!
I wouldn't be worried or ashamed unless you were really contemplating hooking up with someone there. Like, you know, grabbing them and hustling them into the bathroom. . 
Lighten up a little soconfusednow! If it becomes a pattern of escapist thinking, then you have something to worry about.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:15 PM, December 18th (Wednesday)]
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 8:21 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
Don't be so hard on yourself. The ground was taken out from underneath you not that long ago. There is a huge difference between a fleeting thought and an action plan.
It's good to acknowledge when we have unhealthy thoughts, and to tell them to shush. You're not a bad person, you're just in a new headspace and need to learn how to deal with the emotions. You're going to be ok.
(((soconfusednow)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
PinkJeepLady ( member #37575) posted at 9:04 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
You are ok!!! I have had the most random thoughts like that, I am embarrassed to even say them. Yours is pretty tame compared to mine, just saying.
Sadly though, I too wonder how in the world did I get here, of all places?
Take care!
Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled - thought so, but now divorcing
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:54 PM on Wednesday, December 18th, 2013
if I wanted to meet a guy this would be a good place to hang out... I was so ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry you felt ashamed. I think you just noticed the environment. You recognized a slippery slope without jumping onto it. That's reason to celebrate your observational skills and integrity.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
RipsInMyChest ( member #41166) posted at 11:40 AM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
I have those thoughts too...nothing to be ashamed of. I used to look around me in every store and wonder which guys would leave the store with me if I came on to them! I would NEVER act on those thoughts. I think those kind of thoughts are actually a way to understand our WS and tap in to our empathy....so we can understand their flaws and weaknesses better.
Me: BW 43 (39 at DDay 1)
FWH 43 (39 at DDay 1) (RibsInHerChest)
Together 23 yrs, M 20, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Massive TT due to poly: 1/4/2015 full blown EA/3 week PA
Didn't use condom, I got chlamydia.
Reconciling
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