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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Vulnerable narcissism
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone have any experience with the "vulnerable" (as in not grandiose) narciccist? My IC has been trying to convince me for some time that my WH seems to fit this, although not on a larger scale.

Specifically, WH exhibits the following:

--can't seem to do "empathy" about his EA issues, but rather, goes into a deep shame mode

--is a "rescuer" type who needs to be needed

--low self esteem, deep fear of abandonment

--hyper defensive to small perceived criticism

--he's often "kiss up, kick down," in that he idealizes people based on their professions, eg referred to our neighbors as "the surgeon," "the colonel," "the professor" etc; and at the same time, often treats people with jobs like clerks, waitresses, demeaningly.

Does anyone else have experience with this sort of NPD? There is a lot of info out there on the grandiose kind, but not much on the vulnerable ones.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Question  Posted: 5:42 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't, but it fits my WW, everything except for the last one. Although...

She doesn't "like" that she likes the OM, and he calls him lots of demeaning names; he is a handyman who never has money and can't do anything else; at the same time she calls herself "locked in the mansion" when she's with me. So I'm "the mansion", he's "nothing", because she knows that "will end soon anyway".

She clearly felt sorry for him and was "rescuing him" from his own issues (was an ex-BF in high school or something - she never properly cleared that up with me but there was something there, she used the word "kind of, not really").

So I'm also following this topic now.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 583 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband was diagnosed as 90% npd due to the fact that he has very low self-esteem and not grandiose. He fit every other criteria. I have a 19 page psych report that goes into it. If you want pm me I can share some with you.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotplayed: the last one is the least one aligning with the vulnerable kind.

SamanthaBaker: great, thanks a lot. I've never pm'd before, but I'll give it a go.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so I can't figure out how to pm...read the instructions, but each time I click on the "smiley faces" it sends me back to the main forum page...

Sorry SamanthaBaker. Tonight is not my technology night.


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you enabled Private Messages on your Profile? It's down the bottom of your profile page, just needs a tick.

To PM, go to SamanthaBakers post on your thread, click on the smiley face on her post, it'll take you to a box you can type into on your private messages page, and will go to her.... her name should be in the text above the box, voila!!



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2009
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It may be because you don't have 50 posts yet. I will have to type up the info and won't get to it until morning, but I will do it and pm you tomorrow okay? Long day with the kids and my husband us currently gaming on the computer.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no idea but that sounds exactly like my WS except for the last one. I have really suspected he is a narcissist. I tricked him into taking an online "test" once and he scored a 21. Anything above a 18 was supposed to indicate narcissist tendencies. I scored a 4. I know it was not a diagnostic tool but it opened my eyes to the possibility a bit. I always have to ask him to imagine he were in my shoes and what he did happened to him for him to actually see how I feel. Is that a lack of empathy? He doesn't get it unless he thinks about how HE would feel.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 8

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