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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sometimes, there is truth in wine
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, December 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. Mostly, it’s smart to Not Go There when you’re having a drink or two, but sometimes, there is truth in wine.

FWH came home tonight, feeling stressed and with daemons on his back. Woke up feeling displaced. Went to work, triggering, over former abusive work situations. Feeling headachy and stomach churning. Feeling for the first time, in a long, long time, like running away. Heading to the strip clubs. Wanting to just check out and be pandered to.

And came home to a home-cooked meal, good smells, a bottle of wine, and a smiling wife. I had a somewhat bad start to my day, but with a text from him and then enough time to get my work together, it turned into a good day. So I cooked dinner for him as a surprise, since he does most of the cooking.

So we finished prepping dinner, and he told me about his day. And I hugged him, and we shared our day. Had dinner on trays watching Jeopardy. Afterwards, he told me he wasn’t feeling up to anything ambitious, and I suggested we both get our computers and just flake out. So, he’s playing Civilization next to me and I’m here. Interesting way we have to “flake out” on our computers, eh?

And during that, we start to talk. He is still somewhat agitated, thoughts chasing around his brain. And I look at him, and I see my dearly beloved husband in pain. Saying Thank-You for being with me. For marrying me. For sticking with me. In a spontaneous upwelling of love, I look him dead in the eyes and say, it was your post-DDay actions that made it possible for us to be here today. And tell him,

You took responsibility for your actions, even when you were almost leveled by your clinical depression.

You put my needs above your own, even when you were unable to articulate what you needed.

You never once, blamed me for your transgressions. Yes, we had our problems and we failed each other, but you never, once, pretended that your descent into porn, strippers, cam girls, etc., was ever anyone else’s fault but yours.

And that led into a conversation about my father not liking me or wanting to be around me. He shared about his dad being borderline alcoholic. We talk, and *listen* to each other. And then, jointly, decide that it’s time for us to digest and draw apart. Next to each other, keeping company, but separately processing.

And he goes back to playing Civilization, and I am here, talking to y-all. All in all, an exceptional night.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4120 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((skan and mr. skan)))

God is with you both. I am blessed by having read this post.

wonderful post....thank you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:03 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012 by 1 email to OM...OM did NOT respond.
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred...may never incur.

Posts: 2704 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lovely. But I don't think it was in the vino where the veritas was - it was in the two of you.


BS (me): 49
WS: 50
Married: 25 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Aug 2012
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful!

And I agree with Blobette .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34740 | Registered: Sep 2007
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Skan. Something I needed to read after what I consider a small set back in our lives I can't lose sight. You always came back w more of the good fight in you.

Thanks again for sharing
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 1803 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so happy for you (((Skan)))


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1095 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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