A long and awful divorce followed. Post-divorce has been very difficult.
You need to know what you want and what you will live with. For me, the answer was and remains clear. I do not like what happened. But the consequences resulted from her choices as well as mine.
What are you willing to live with?
Her: WW/56 Me: BS/62, 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I loved my Ex and we had made it through a lot of stuff. So when I found out the second time, I knew it was me that had to change.
The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
Keep busy. Avoid your phone and emails as much as possible (I switch mine off throughout the day when I start to feel weak or triggered). You can do it.
Stay strong, badmedicine. Do what you have to do. Just remember, if R is truly in the cards for you, the divorce can be stopped before it becomes final at any point. Do what is right for you, whatever that may be.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
All I can say is please keep in mind that though he looks and sounds like the man you married, he's proven by his actions that he is not that man.
Sending a big hug.
Right now is harder than it looks. ~ Van Halen
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in." -Cohen
"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
I got nothing better than that, so I will highlight your own tagline and include a (((hug))) to go with it.
Stay busy, post and read,
DO NOT ENGAGE!!
Poor him? ffffffptttttt.
It's tearing me apart but I know I know I know what will happen. Plus, a wise friend told me once: "You can always marry him again if he transforms into prince charming."
I have a feeling I'll be joining your club in a few weeks. Based on her reaction's over the past few weeks, I think getting served will rock my WW's world enough for her to do some of what your WH is doing (it may not though). I guess we'll see. But, if I get to the point of filing, I'm 99% sure it's game over for me. She's had way to many strikes, and this ain't baseball.
If you have to file for D to straighten them up, do you really want them anyway?
It is SO hard not to fall into the old pattern of forgiveness. These bastards specialize in getting us to fall back in line. I don't even feel love for my STBX right now but I feel the pull of familiarity and pattern. Remember that your STBX ate cake for 3 years or more? This man couldn't be faithful without a serious overhaul and I doubt he's been trying much if you've gotten to this point
What I do is I just keep repeating all my reasons for divorce to myself anytime I get an urge. And definitely block the shit out of him.
Nowhere left to go but up!