Topic: My mom is dying
Member # 34835
| Posted: 4:52 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013|
I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. Sending you strength as well.
Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 26531
| Posted: 6:08 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013|
I'm so sorry... my prayers are with you.
Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
Posts: 24350 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 18522
| Posted: 6:18 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013|
I'm so sorry. I was in your same position 2 years ago with my mom. Stage 4 bladder cancer.
Spend as much time with her as you can. Hold her hand. Reminisce. Ask her lots of questions about her youth and your childhood.
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Posts: 7782 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Member # 25643
| Posted: 6:21 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013|
((((confused))). I am so sorry; you will be in my prayers.
Posts: 1101 | Registered: Sep 2009
Member # 99
| Posted: 6:33 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013|
So incredibly sorry. I lost my Mom this year. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies
Posts: 2442 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Member # 15300
| Posted: 7:53 AM, December 20th (Friday), 2013|
Fu*k cancer! Hugs and prayers to you. You just give your Mom all the love you can in her remaining time.
Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Posts: 7123 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Member # 21101
| Posted: 8:00 AM, December 20th (Friday), 2013|
I am so sorry Confused.
This is usually an aggressive cancer. Please be there for her, and support her in her decisions, and always encourage her to consider quality of life vs quanity.
Also please talk with her and her treatment team about options in palliative care, and Hospice.
One thing I have found is many, too many people wait until it's far too late to get the benefit of these fields of practice. Both allow your mom and family to know that cure isn't an option (when it becomes clear that it isn't) and that you switch focus from "Get Well, Get Well Get Well" to "Ok we cant' fix this, but we can treat you in a manner that will give you the most quality with time you have left."
It can be amazing for patients and families to actually be given the opportunity to wrap things up, make ammends if needed, and eventually say their goodbyes. It also helps the families to grieve a bit.
((((and strength and peace))))
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy
Posts: 7803 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 30346
| Posted: 8:03 AM, December 20th (Friday), 2013|
My Mom is a former nurse, she worked in radiation oncology. One thing she offers to do for friends/ friends of friends is to go to the doc appointment with them. She can take notes and ask the right questions, then be able to explain them later to the patient.
You are so emotionally raw while in the doc appointments, it would be good to bring someone else with you to take notes/ask questions.
me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 8142
| Posted: 5:19 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013|
I am so very sorry...sending you huge hugs.
~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 30826
| Posted: 6:26 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013|
I spent some time with her yesterday. She has a good attitude. She is determined to be here for another 2 years. My sister is in jail(a whole other thread and heartache) and won't be out for 2 years. So she is highly motivated. So that's good.
But. I have spoken to my aunt who was with her when she was diagnosed. She told me the truth, no sugarcoating. (Mom tends to only tell us what she thinks we need to know to "protect" us..she has always done this.) I am a realist. My mom has been in poor health for a long time. She has lived off cigarettes and pepsi for 30 years..with a little food tossed in for good measure. She is very frail.
She has stopped smoking. That is HUGE. I stopped by her place a few weeks ago,unexpected, and she was gone. I cleaned up a bit. On the way home I realized what had been bothering me and asked my FWH if he recalled smelling smoke at her house,or if he say any ashtrays. He didn't. And yesterday, the house smelled smoke free.
We are all being very positive, telling her of course she will be here when Chasity gets out of jail. We are lying. We all know that isn't true.
She is getting help from various agencies in town. She got her wigs yesterday.
I did really good. While I helped her put on her wig...while she was telling me if there is anything I want of hers I can take it now..or later...and I didn't cry while she was going through pics and giving them to me. But I did cry when we were leaving. No sobs,just tears. She told me not to cry,that she isn't scared. That she is worried about us(her children) but knows we will be ok.
I sobbed uncontrollably all the way home.
Thank you for the prayers,hugs, and kind words.
M: June 2001
Status: Happily Reconciled.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Posts: 7142 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 36134
| Posted: 6:47 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013|
My dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. We haven't gotten any other details yet. My heart goes out to you-I'm still a little numb.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 4855 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 30989
| Posted: 7:49 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013|
Oh, no (((confused)))...I'm so very sorry. I lost my mom to the same disease. I don't know where your mother is on the timeline, but if you get good hospice lined up BEFORE you need it, it is a godsend, in terms of ensuring peace and comfort (for all of you).
Millions of hugs to you.
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke
Posts: 8337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 18179
| Posted: 9:11 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013|
What a terrible shock to get, and a great sadness to have entered your life. I'm so very sorry.
Others have posted most of what I would have (advocacy, quality vs. quantity, ...) but one are that I don't see is her estate. Hope this doesn't sound insensitive but it is pragmatic. This advice springs from a situation that developed with a family member who was diagnosed in early December a couple years ago and died the end of January, maybe 8 weeks later.
Ensure her affairs are in order sooner vs. later because later may come sooner than expected. If she owns a home or other property, probate may be avoided if titled in such a way as to pass automatically upon death to the survivors. Knowing what she has and where is important; accounts, property, etc. Ensure any deeds or other legal documents have every detail correct; a mistake can make the best-laid planning get blown to smithereens. Getting her to establish durable POA with a trusted family member is also very important.
Sending you strength.
"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment
Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Member # 33698
| Posted: 9:37 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013|
BS (Me) 39
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 31528
| Posted: 9:47 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013|
Posts: 33915 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 20849
| Posted: 9:58 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013|
I am so sorry....sending prayers and healing thoughts for your family
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
Posts: 15109 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 26970
| Posted: 10:23 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013|
..there are no words!!!
just sending hugs and prayers to you, your mom and your family.
trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf
Posts: 4103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 2
| Posted: 8:08 AM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013|
I'm really sorry...you and your mom are in my prayers
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Posts: 196515 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 21964
| Posted: 8:28 AM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013|
(((confused615))) Thinking of you and your mom.
"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 27148
| Posted: 9:11 AM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013|
Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†
Posts: 2608 | Registered: Jan 2010
|Topic Posts: 52|