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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Kinda sorta a thread jack ... stbx called me
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first thought I had when I read lisaloo post "I don't think so" was that there must be something in the air. I received a call from stbx after having being NC since March (court date he kept trying to talk to me). He left a long voicemail but here are the highlights:

Stbx: Can we meet to work this out between us without having to go through our attorneys and the court?

What he really means: I'm broke and I don't want to look bad in front of a judge and just fix it for me.

Stbx: Can we form a united front with the kids and coparent?

What he really means: I told you I didn't want custody of the kids because I don't have space but I was willing to take them out to dinner three times a week. Isn't that parenting?

Stbx: I will never understand the gravity of what I did to the kids.

What he really means: I don't know why they don't talk to me.

Stbx: Can you find it in your heart to have some compassion? I don't want to be in debt the rest of my life.

Stbx: I know it doesn't have to do with the money for you. I know you are hurt and you are angry that the kids are hurt.

What he really means: I know you are still crying over me and this is your way to hurt me.

My physical reaction to receiving the call and listening to the voicemail was that my heart was pounding. I am not planning on responding although that may make him more bold (e.g. last year, forcing self into home to yell at me, multiple calls, texts) but I feel that I more prepared (security camera).

This is the same man who in 2013 forced himself into my house; gave son lube to masturbate with; claimed both kids on taxes which resulted in my tax return being rejected; filed a police report claiming a stole his fire extinguisher ~ class c felony ~ I had to hire a criminal defense attorney; stopped paying for his half of kids medical bills; lying on his divorce financial papers; refused to cooperate with discovery.

But I HAVE TO FIND COMPASSION IN MY HEART??? For him??? He's gotta be joking right? But he's not! Meeting with him ~ never gonna happen. I do not trust him AT ALL. Hell no hell no. Why would he even ask?

Please reassure me that I do not need to reply.

I thought with all the mandated therapy, he would be different. He is the exact self-centered me me me me me me person. I remember one year ago feeling that his girlfriend was going to be so lucky to have him because he was doing all this therapy and was going to be a real man with integrity, morals, etc. Nope. Exactly the same. It's sad because I knew he wanted to talk about me fixing his debt (aka, releasing him of it) but he had to stick in the "kids" into the conversation so it didn't seem like it was only about money.

At this point, it is a business deal. It's about him being financially accountable to his children. That's it. Thank you for "listening"!

[This message edited by dmari at 8:38 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard the exact same thing this week. Threatens me that the lawyers are going to take all our money and can't we work this out ourselves. The united front with the kids...heard that too.
They do not want to be the bad guys but they spend so much time mucking everything up from the finances to their relationships with the kids.
In all this trauma, the only time he cried was when he said that I was trying to ruin him financially. He does not realize that everything he is spending on her will come back to me. How embarrassed is he going to be when his wages get garnished. We are just beginning and I know it is going to be bad.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheese house.
Please reassure me that I do not need to reply.
Absolutely do NOT need to reply. This guy has been unhinged for ages. Shields up and crickets to his shit, hon.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25073 | Registered: Aug 2011
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No contact is exactly what you need and what he deserves. Funny when the tables turn and you get the upper hand he wants to play nice all of the sudden. Crickets will make him squirm - which is exactly what he deserves - uncertainty about his own future (which is exactly what he gave you not too long ago. Opening the lines of communications, or worse, entertaining a face-to-face meeting only leaves you more vulnerable to more stolen fire extinguisher fuckery. Fuck him! Who cares if he'll be in debt for the rest of his life. HE created that reality for himself. Nobody held a fun to his head and forced him to make babies with you just as nobody held a gun to his head and made him walk out on the family he chose to make. Those were choices and these are consequences - he needsto own it all.

[This message edited by anewday78 at 9:00 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]


Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh he's a joke alright...

Do NOT reply. He is fishing, just don't take the bait.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3557 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In all this trauma, the only time he cried was when he said that I was trying to ruin him financially

Exactly the same thing with me. The only time ex really got upset and broke down was when he realized I was going ahead with the divorce and he was going to have to make it on his own.

Then he has been saying that he is gong to have to declare bankruptcy if I do not help him out.

It hurts: he cares more about his own comfort and what people think of him than me and his children.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bless each of your hearts!! Thank you thank you thank you!! Sometimes my codependency issues sneak out when it has to do with him so I really need rational feedback and you all have given me exactly that! Thank you!! I want to hug you all!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will hug you.

You have the decoder ring for his wayward speak. POOR little put upon delusional POS...

I don't know where he "lost" his fire extinguisher, but he hardly needs it, he is such a wet blanket!!

You don't have to respond to any of that. He wouldn't know reasonable if it walked up and pee'd on his leg.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5777 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
lisaloo
♀ Member
Member # 20082
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In all this trauma, the only time he cried was when he said that I was trying to ruin him financially.

Geeze, I mean I know these jack-holes operate from a similar script, but are they all reading the same lines this week?! STBXH ONLY got upset about this divorce when he found out how much child support would be...and that I wasnt going to BUY our rental home from him (tj-sorry-but seriously, why would I buy a jointly owned property from him?).

Give him crickets. I swear these nutjobs have these fleeting moments where they seem like a life form more evolved than plankton, but really...not so much.

And WTF??

filed a police report claiming a stole his fire extinguisher ~ class c felony ~ I had to hire a criminal defense attorney

You just cant make this shit up!!


Me: 33 STBXH: 34 DD: 8
D Day (EA): 6-19-08
D Day #2 (SA): 7-5-10
D Day #3 (EA): 11-8-13
WH moved out: 11-18-13
Moved BACK IN (because the lawyer told him to): 11/29/13.
Filed for Divorce: 12-9-13
In house separation...fun, fun, fun.

Posts: 474 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: AL
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear SI needs to write a book!! lisaloo nailed ... you CAN'T make this shit up!! LOL!

P.S. NIK: What's a cheese house?


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, what's with the play book all these people follow?? You do not need to respond, just brace yourself for a complete about face from him when he realizes you grew a backbone of steel!!

FT Did exactly the same to me. Now, according to him, I am Satan's spawn......yawn


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2655 | Registered: Jan 2010
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you are hurt

Omg. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Actually, that entire exchange was a big, fat "SCREEEE" in my ears.

The only answer to every single question is: NO! So.....*crickets* to him.

What is it with *these* people anyway? "Let's sit down and work this out between just the two of us." Uhhhhh, yea, let me think about that for a trillionth of a second....NO. Me, You, and Trust are NOT words that belong in the same sentence.

"I think it's best if our L's handle the details for us."

Cheese House = The *nice and polite* way of saying "Oh, for fuck's sake."

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:17 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7951 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazies come out with the full moon!

Posts: 2169 | Registered: Mar 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheese House = The *nice and polite* way of saying "Oh, for fuck's sake."
thank you gonnabe2016 for the definition! At first I thought NIK was addressing me as cheese house!

It is so weird that our WS's share the same playbook! I am ready for whatever comes next. Thank you!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
brightsidegirl
New Member
Member # 41664
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds a LOT like my STBXH. "The kids will suffer, I'm worried about our relationship (first time in 11 years of marriage I heard that one!), lawyers will take our money and drag it out, you are a greedy entitled person..." They are master manipulators and are pulling out every card they have to try to find our chink in the armor. Unfortunately, our armor is growing stronger by the day, no by the hour! We are handling life on our own, finances, raising our kids, etc.

Taking kids out to dinner, which is the only thing my STBXH does, is NOT parenting. Funny how they make themselves feel better by doing that.

One more thing that mine did that still makes me laugh...he copied my financial data for his financial reporting document and said he had all the same expenses (he doesn't even pay for his cell phone, landline or electric bill - he expenses it for his job!). Lying, manipulating, lazy SOB. Yours and mine are probably related.


I tried to be everything you'd ever want and sometimes I even stood on my heart and stomped. Now I'm finally alone and dressed for the show but going nowhere.
--Sara Bareilles

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, December 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa brightsidegirl ... that is so weird!! I think our stbx's are twins!! Have mercy!
One more thing that mine did that still makes me laugh...he copied my financial data for his financial reporting document and said he had all the same expenses (he doesn't even pay for his cell phone, landline or electric bill - he expenses it for his job!). Lying, manipulating, lazy SOB. Yours and mine are probably related.
I thought mine was going to do this too but he lacked the intelligence. Instead he did nothing and now is shocked that it's moving forward to court thus the call. Idiot. It's reassuring in a strange way that you all have BTDT! Thank you for responding!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Therapy? Honey, he would need a full year of inpatient treatment, and EVEN THEN, he would come out the same fuck up he was when he went in.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3317 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait until he pulls the let's be friends card.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4753 | Registered: Feb 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

omg.

thats all i got.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can we meet to work this out between us

So tempting to reply that if he had kept this mindset in the M, you guys wouldn't be where you are now. Instead, he involved a third party so why shouldn't you?


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11134 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Topic Posts: 20

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