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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: changing my dating wiring
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's his response to my "Thank you for the very nice lunch" text just now:
"Good food, great company. I had a great time too. We should make plans to get together again".

To which I responded "I'd like that"

IMHO he should have made the second date with you right then and there. Screw these damn dating rules that people keep talking about. I hope you hear from him really soon - you have a good one on the hook.

The time you invest in a new relationship is not (and should not) be about convincing yourself to like/care/love someone. It should be about developing those feelings because of what you learn and discover about each other and how you treat each other (i.e. your actions).


Brandon is one wise bro. I am glad you are hearing what he is saying.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...is a lesson for everyone. It can be a matter of patience. Just because the "great chemistry" isn't an instant reaction some people think that it won't come at all.

How long do you wait to see if there is chemistry/attraction? And is it different in an OLD situation than in a meeting in real life first situation (I'd say yes to that.)

I'm currently on a dating hiatus, but I went on about 30 first dates over the past 18 months or so. I was attracted to maybe 5 of those and felt amazing chemistry with one. Most of the guys were interested in second dates, but I only went on maybe 5-10 second dates and nothing changed then.

The last guy before my hiatus -- I went on about 6-8 dates with him over a two month period. I wasn't feeling any chemistry, but was heeding the advice here (general here, not this thread, obviously) to be patient. But then he was getting antsy to get physical and the thought of doing anything like that with him made me want to vomit, so I broke things off.

How much time do you give it? Would you want to continue dating someone who didn't find you attractive? (I actually did have a couple of guys beg me to go on pity second dates with them...ugh)

I think I need to change my dating wiring as well, which is part of the reason for my hiatus.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DECENT, NORMAL, KIND is what I'm looking for in a fella

Excellent. Very wise. That's my mantra too, along with "And JUST attractive enough to turn me on. I don't need more than that." :-)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tj -
But then he was getting antsy to get physical and the thought of doing anything like that with him made me want to vomit, so I broke things off.

I don't think time will fix something like that, phmh. Well done for you to end that one.

/end tj


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long do you wait to see if there is chemistry/attraction?
That is subjective. Maybe doing little sanity checks each week would be a way to go? Ask yourself "Is he treating me well?", "Is he being open/authentic?" or whatever is important to you. Maybe he hasn't shown all of himself yet and will open up more over time. To me that would indicate someone who is thoughtful and not too quick to give themselves away emotionally. Again just a perspective.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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