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User Topic: My Poor DD, the Baby Machine
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD asked me to babysit for older grandson on Monday morning. He is 3 1/2 wonderful years old. We get along famously, although he is what I call a "high demand child". Also, he is precocious. DD was taking my 1 year old grandson in for his yearly check up.

When she came to pick up her son from me she said "Mom, don't freak out!" she handed me a little white folder. "The appointment was for me, Mom. I am pregnant, due in May." as I am looking at her ultrasound pictures of our third grandson. Wow!

DD isn't happy. Either is her husband. However, they are looking at all the positives. They were thinking about possibly having 3 children, but not year after year. Both of her latest pregnancies were birth control failures. She actually had an appointment for a more permanent form of birth control, an IUD, which had to be cancelled and became pregnant before her next appointment.

DD and SIL are college educated. DD works a part time (HA! HA!) job at night when her husband comes home from work. They are financially strained as is. DD is overwhelmed with 2 little boys. "Mom, I don't think I can stay at home with 3 little children." "Oh, honey, I so understand." Motherhood is so fucking hard and so under fucking rated!!!!!!!!!!!

I hugged her and kissed her, congratulated her. We talked about all the positives. Reassured her it was going to be okay. I know how it feels to have an unplanned, undesired pregnancy. We were just going to have two. DD was first and she is going to be 34 in January. Six years later, DS27. Thats it. I knew my maternal limitations. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks. I needed to have our children spaced at least 4 years apart and two was the max I could handle. Well, at the age of 40, and ten years after son was born, we had an unplanned pregnancy.

We were not happy. We saw freedom from raising children just eight short years ahead of us gone. The guilt was overwhelming. It wasn't the baby's fault. And so many countless couples desperately want to get pregnant and can't and here I am complaining about being pregnant. I had to go to IC to deal with it. I mean, when people laughed because they thought it was a hilarious that we were 40 and going to have a baby, or said "The baby will be a such a blessing, you will see" it was really hard to not either burst out in tears or punch them in the face. IC helped a lot.

Having our DS17 started kind of a domino effect, which I won't get into here now. Some very good, some very awful. The thing is, DS17 is wonderful, a joy. We love him so much, he brings so much happiness to our lives. We went to his H.S. Concert Choir's holiday program last night. There he was in his tuxedo, the most handsome of all the young men there and I was so proud and happy. Teared up at how happy I was. We shake our heads now at how distressed we were. If we had it to do over, we would definitely do it again. Except maybe 5 years earlier.

*sigh* Both DD and I tend to lean towards existentialism. So saying "It was meant to be" and such is meaningless for us. We don't believe in a master plan, destiny or fate. We believe life is random and absurd and filled with coincidences. We both kind of wished we could believe in that "fate" stuff, but we just don't.

If you have read my rather long post, thanks. I just needed to get it out there as I was triggered back to my pregnancy and knowing how my poor daughter is feeling. Knowing that there really is nothing I can do or say. That never leaves. Wanting to make things all better for your children and so helpless when we can't.

p.s. Not only disappointed in being pregnant again, it is another boy. We both wanted a girl desperately.

eta: to remove some extra words

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:05 PM, December 20th (Friday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8950 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She always has the option of getting her tubes tied when the baby is born.


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6323 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Believe me, k9, if she is getting a c-section she will have them tied right then. DD and husband already made that decision. If she doesn't get her tubes tied he is getting a vasectomy shortly after the birth of their son.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8950 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get this, Sister. Similar story to both you and DD. My two were nearly 4 and 14 months when DS #2 arrived. It was the failure of a previously successfully used BC. And circumstances were such that we actually had no way to calculate a due date. It was purely a guess based on comparing measurements of the previous two.

Life was very difficult but very fulfilling with them so close, once the days of double diaper duty and three sick kids at once were past, especially. And it was almost ALL on ME. Xpos was not around much, working OT to support us and still not making ends meet.

That much was like DD, but the rest has been like your story now. All three are M with families and great friends and helpers.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 1964 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, bighurt. It is a tough road. Glad you can understand and bravo to you for surviving that road. Yes, the end payoff can be fantastic, but the journey can be very difficult. (((thebighurt)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8950 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dang phone! I wasn't done!!

I am very proud and thankful for my *oops* baby. He has always been the one who shared things and talked to me about them. He is the one who brought so many things to us.

Granted, he was the one who was a terrible teen with lots of school issues, but even that didn't make me regret anything about him. Since then, he has brought so many delights.

He is so smart about people and is the only one of the three who wanted more info about our situation and talks to me about his father's behavior. He called him on his actions immediately after DDay in no uncertain terms and continues to remind him that what he did was and is wrong. Too bad he lives so far away.

Another thing about having them close is that, in spite of occasional spats, they are closer than ever with each other in spite of the distances between them, support one another and call each other as needed on things they say or do.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 1964 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((DD)))) Sending strength to your DD and her husband, and mojo for a smooth and healthy pregnancy.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22581 | Registered: Aug 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, nik. I will relay the message to my DD.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8950 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A hearty congrats to your lovely daughter.

But I understand her angst. Being pregnant was scary and hard for me. Being a mother to little children was not my forte. I love my teens - and if THAT doesn't tell you how hard I found babies to be, I don't know what will!

The good news, is your daughter is bright and resilient. She'll make it work, because that's what her option is. Plus, she has great support from her parents!


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 5851 | Registered: Jan 2011
Runninggirl
♀ Member
Member # 9973
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, December 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I am totally missing the point of the post here, but all I could think of when reading it was how LUCKY your daughter is to have a mom like you.

I cannot even imagine how amazing it must be for her to have a close relationship like that with you :)

It's stressful now, but she has a good role model. I have a feeling it will all turn out just fine and in the long run wouldn't be able to picture it any other way.

Rg


Shock has worn off. Now the 'fun' begins.
After several years of solid R, (F)MOW
CHECKS IN in to say Hi~ H CHECKS OUT briefly and "forgets to tell me" because IT HADN'T gotten
physical this time. 4 months out again same MOW

Posts: 2852 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Valley
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SMS DD, Welcome to the 3 boys club

Sending strength and mojo to your DD. SMS, you are a great support to your DD - the hallmark of a great mom.

((((SMS & DD))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2502 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations on being a Grandma...again!

Posts: 5575 | Registered: Apr 2006
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the twins arrive, I will have 7 kids under 14.
I totally understand :P


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
PricklePatch
♀ Member
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow just wow. The title of your post is just wow.


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 243 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the previous poster who mentioned what a great relationship you must have with your DD. Good job, Sister.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1944 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unlike you I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. This hidden blessing will make its reasons known at some point.
While overwhelming right now in a year or so you all won't remember what life was like without him.

A word of caution and experience here. If they opt the Vasectomy route which I'm a huge proponent of due to it being much less invasive and much lower risk of complication and much cheaper. Please don't skip getting the all clear of swimmers test.

I have a friend with a 3rd child because they did. I also have a spouse that it took 3 times the normal amnt of times to get the all clear.

I hope this is an easy pregnancy, birth, and baby for her.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6558 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Audrina
♀ Member
Member # 31522
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious....what method of birth control was she using?


Me (betrayed): 35
Him:45


Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Canada
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Better yet her husband could get a vasectomy. Why are the birth control options all put on her. Let him get snipped. Its easier, and cheaper and he holds 50% responsibility of whether they keep having kids or not


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1529 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry everyone, I want to respond, but I can't at this time. I am feeling extremely ill. Hit by some kind of virus and can barely function and I am hosting Christmas!

I will get back to you all hopefully on Christmas night!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8950 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feel better

and Congrats!

At 45, I would actually love to have another baby...but those days are gone.

She will see the blessing he is and love him tons.

Maerry Christmas SMS


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3208 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 21
Pages: 1 · 2

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