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User Topic: "We"? had an affair?
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, December 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger is when you give in to Fear, Pain, or frustration.

No. Anger is a normal and natural emotion in and of itself.

It is not negative. It just is.

If you repress it, you may gain a (false) sense of mastery. It may make you feel like you are in control when, in fact, there are things you cannot control. Things that bother you very much--not just because they are awful things, but because you can't control them. So you control your anger--because you can.

But it won't last. The anger WILL come out. Maybe not today. Maybe not ten years from now. But it WILL come out. If nothing else, your body will manifest it.

It is not noble to deny anger. It's a big mistake.

You mention your children, and use them to explain why you don't express your anger. Consider it might be healthier for them to see that anger can be expressed, then let go--without catastrophic outcome.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8342 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
ptsdrecon
♂ Member
Member # 36031
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of you for reaching out.

I WILL revisit that anger question.

No, I don't hold her to the same standard in regards to my resolution. We had vows when we got married. The resolution is between me and God and is about Faith, Family and who I am in my relationship to God, my wife, and my kids. It's not about holding her accountable, it's about what I can do to be faithful to leading my family and loving them.

I do appreciate the help, and I am acting on it. Yesterday was a tough. I was honest and truthful and loving. There was some screaming...

It ended quietly. Now we'll see about actions.


Me BH (48)
Her FWW (39 + 1/2)
Married 12+
2 Angels 8 10
D-Day Feb 1 2012
6 month EA PA

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
crazycatlady
♀ Member
Member # 12849
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your ww is dead wrong. She cheated and she needs to come to terms with it. Which means, she must not play the victim card. Which also means she needs to stop pitying herself. Low self esteem is no excuse for an affair. She chose to do this.
In my honest opinion, you need to do the 180. Until she grows up and realizes what she did , and more importantly, how to address it as an adult, healing cannot take place.

You need to protect yourself and stop wanting to take care of her. This whole thing is backwards. After ten months and she is still the one being focused on...that's wrong. At that same time in our R, I blew up on my self pitying wh and told him it was all about me now. Pardon my language but I told him I didn't give a fuck about him and his hurts, that he had destroyed me. I saw the hurt in his eyes but also the resolve to see this through the right way and I must say, after that, it all became about my healing.
Good luck and start the 180. Also, you aren't her secret keeper. Nor are you her conscience. Let her stew.


Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"
D-Day: Nov 30, 2006
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
William Shakespeare

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Etherville
ptsdrecon
♂ Member
Member # 36031
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not ten months. Coming up on DD #2.

I can safely say that I have been patient.

Yesterday when she was upset I calmly told her "Don't run." when she wanted to. She didn't.

She tried to get me to hit her. I wasn't even angry... I told her no. This morning I explained to her that she was trying to control me. She called me selfish. I told her if I was I would have been long gone. NOT ONE PERSON has said, "Hang in there, stay married." The Bible and myself are the only ones. Even she has told me I should leave.

I don't hit. I don't get physical.

Hmmm. Breakthrough, maybe?

Thanks to those who are helping me through...


Me BH (48)
Her FWW (39 + 1/2)
Married 12+
2 Angels 8 10
D-Day Feb 1 2012
6 month EA PA

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm concerned that she "Slammed herself in the head".

Physically harming herself is not good. Is she in counseling? Her physical anger towards herself is alarming (to me).


Posts: 3308 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
ptsdrecon
♂ Member
Member # 36031
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's alarming to me!

No, she is not counseling. I encouraged it, and continue to do so.

I can't make her choices. We all know that.


Me BH (48)
Her FWW (39 + 1/2)
Married 12+
2 Angels 8 10
D-Day Feb 1 2012
6 month EA PA

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
crazycatlady
♀ Member
Member # 12849
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, December 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sounds unstable and manipulative, tread very carefully. I think I would talk to an attorney just in case.
It looks like she wants to make you responsible for any and all the problems and make you look the bad guy. Don't fall into it. Protect yourself.


Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"
D-Day: Nov 30, 2006
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
William Shakespeare

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Etherville
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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