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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: She still believes he is her "Twin Flame"
Felco
♂ Member
Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well here I am at work all alone...this makes my day so tough. All in my head. WW comes to me last night and wants to talk I said yes at first and then came back and said I am not up to talking tonight. She of course says why are you the one to decide when we talk or not?
I said thats not the case I just don't feel like it.
Then she comes to me this morning while I am getting ready for work and throws out her question. I really don't want to engage. She is too much. Her I don't give a shit attitude and walking around like life is normal ugh....Bitch.
She is looking at places this week so hopefully she will be out soon. It will be interesting to see who will help her move and hook up her tv, take out the trash, fix things, take care of all her stuff.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Felco. I am starting to see some anger. That's good use that to fin strength to not engage in her craziness. Use that to tell yourself you deserve much more and it's time to demand it.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8243 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Felco,

Her moving out will result ultimately in an enormous difference in your feelings. It is crucial that she goes. I'm not saying that your fate will echo mine, but it took extended physical separation for me to gain a clear, dispassionate perspective on our relationship and the magnitude of her moral crime against our family. It was not immediate, but took many months of excruciating ups and downs, but I finally arrived a point at which I could decisively act. Don't worry that you keep "falling down" here and there. With physical separation likely will come terrible emotional withdrawal, but it is truly the only way out, whatever decision YOU arrive at.

Stay strong. You can do this.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She of course says why are you the one to decide when we talk or not?

It takes two to have a conversation. Obviously if she didn't want to talk it would work the same way. Duh.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2941 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Felco
♂ Member
Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feelin it today. I have that pit feeling in my stomach. I am having a difficult time shaking it. Maybe due to the lack of sleep. I would think after 8 weeks I would be past these feelings but nope I am on the ride from hell. I thought i knew the one i love but she is gone. She is still holding onto him and the Twin Flames shit.
Thankfully you all are here.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more you disengage and detach from her the more sane you will feel.

The sooner she moves out the better because its easier to detach when you dont see them every day.

She wants to run down the rabbit hole and live in crazy town with her twin flame Seriously man. That term makes me want to retch.

Anyway. DO NOT FOLLOW HER DOWN THAT RABBIT HOLE. If she wants to live in crazy town. Fine. Let her shack up with 20 twin flames. Who cares. Shes out of her fringing mind. Let her worry about hooking up the tele and taking out the garbage. THATS HER PROBLEM. NOT YOURS.

Stay strong brother. Stay detached.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3431 | Registered: Sep 2007
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Felco,
Saw this this am, thought you might need a quote for your day...
"Practice using fear to your advantage. Donít let it paralyze you; let it motivate you instead. Because being scared isnít the problem; letting it stop you is."

Keep moving forward and protecting yourself. Please see a lawyer ASAP.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1890 | Registered: Nov 2010
Felco
♂ Member
Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the positive advice. I am struggling right now. I think it is sinking in that she is truly done. I think I am getting depressed. Not sleeping well at all. I took 6 mg of melatonin last night and slept a gain maybe 3-4 hrs. So for three days I have slept 9-10hrs. I am trying to do all the positive thinking, using the techniques.
She found a place and will be out soon. She is being nice and is willing to pay me and says she does not want me to struggle financially. So, she is trying to be kind and fair. I really need to detach and let her go but it is sooooo difficult.
I can't function even mundane tasks are hard.
Well, thanks for listening.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there, Felco. Just take it a moment at a time. Be kind to yourself. I know it hurts like hell. It does. And it will continue for many ups and downs. But you will survive and you will get stronger.

(((((Felco))))))


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 657 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you seen a doctor? You can get ambien or something similar to treat the short term insomnia and not stay awake all night.

As for how 'nice' she is being--let's not get carried away. This may be the result of her guilt, and it's better than if she were making things hard, but I'm not inclined to give any credit.

Hang in there.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4089 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The next time she says something like "why are you the one that gets to decide when we talk?" Say " Because we are done, and I have nothing to say to you. If you have something to say to me, you'll wait until I'm ready to hear it."

I know it sounds cruel, but you need her to see you aren't playing, and that in your mind she is out. Out of the home, the marriage, and the family she destroyed.

Watch her 'great mood' change when she realizes you're not about to be her lap dog.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1888 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there. Until she is willing to give up her fantasy of her twin flame, there is nothing you can do to save your M. Since she is willing to move out, let her. Start to imagine your life without her. Get out to a gym, join a club, find a friend and go see some movies, take the kids to the movies and on hikes, get involved in your community, habitat for humanity, etc. anything but dating. Start to find outlets so loneliness doesn't drowned you. Keep moving forward. Right now that movement is away from her. This is your new normal, and your future.

If she finally wakes up, then she can catch up and pursue you. If that never happens you will be down the road already for recovery. You can do it. Look forward, not backwards. Hard to do, but practice and it will become easier. Don't dwell on what was, decide what will be. Try to identify your current blessings, cling to them, rejoice in them. It will get easier.

[This message edited by momentintime at 12:20 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2941 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And as long as she is being "nice" and helpful, out of guilt, you should take full advantage of that. Try getting more property and custody from her and sell her on the idea that it will help her chances with Mr. Twin flame. Then get with your lawyer and draw up those terms as fast as possible and file it.

As nutty as she sounds, you want your kids to have as little time as possible in her presence and witness to her insanity to come.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 449 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
StillPositive
♂ New Member
Member # 42321
What?  Posted: 1:50 AM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read the first 2 pages of this post.... OMG everyone here is soooo right. You all were talking to me directly... Just started my 180 on Saturday. And it's taking some work not texting or calling my WW... Cause she still texts the OM!!!! And it's driving me f'n nuts! So it's 180 time and this is long over due! Gotta get myself back together and go back to the strong man I was before I found out and my whole world was just crushed!!! Haven't finished reading all the pages... But stay strong Felco and you'll be alright.


Me 41: BS
Her 29: WS
4 children between us
Together 6 yrs: Married 19 months
EA/PA 15 months
OP 51: married with 4 children, close in age to my wife.
D Day#1 3/13/13
D Day#2 9/28/13
NC Letter 2/17/14

Hardship is a pathway to peace...


Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: West Coast
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Felco, how are you holding up? I hope the 180 is helping you to detach my friend.

Take Care of you and your babies.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Felco
♂ Member
Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was a lot that happened yesterday emotionally. She was a bitch about some finances and custody stuff. Then she came to her senses and apologized. I think she is realizing that her little plan is not working. Then as I am getting ready for bed she comes to me and says, I want you to know why I CAN'T be with you. He has my heart! It's nothing you did or he was trying to do. She again is on the Twin Flame thing.
How can she be saying the same thing this whole time?
I am finding some disgust for her. I am pissed for all the work that I have to do. Sell the house, move, divide stuff, divorce stuff. But she doesn't get it. The affects on the kids and others.
Bitch

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When she was 'explaining' all this, how did you react?

In a situation like that, it's best to let her speak, keep a neutral expression and when she whineds down, asked if she's finished. Then just say good night or some other polite dismissal and disengage.

You're not interested in her explanation. Since your feeling don't matter to her, then her feeling don't matter to you. Let her see nothing but calm strength from here on out.

[This message edited by Twitchy at 9:13 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 622 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little off topic but be careful not to overdo the melatonin.

I've read it can cause problems for some if they even take it every night. So it's better to skip some days in between? Also it causes some people to have vivid dreams.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Felco
♂ Member
Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I responded to her, that is why we are divorcing! I have a HUGE problem at times to keep my mouth shut.
I have been switching the different types of "sleep aides". Nothing has kept me asleep. I sleep better at other people's houses.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want you to know why I CAN'T be with you. He has my heart! It's nothing you did or he was trying to do. She again is on the Twin Flame thing.
Translation - I'm going to ride this like the Titanic to the bottom of the ocean rather than admit I was wrong about any of this or admit that my "Twin Flame" used me for NSA sex and went crawling (apparently with remorse) back to his BW as soon as we were busted.

"He has my heart!" Oh, really? Geez. Did he put a check next to "Yes" on the "Do you like me?" note she passed him in class too?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3735 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
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