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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: She still believes he is her "Twin Flame"
Getting to Happy
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Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But she doesn't get it. The affects on the kids and others.


She doesn't get it. We have been trying to tell you this in 22 pages of advice. Seriously.

I am glad that you are finding your anger. Anger is a useful tool. Maybe this can help with your self respect.

No offense to you Felco because I love how you love "Love". And that is beautiful. But aren't you tired of this fantasy flame bullshit. I think you should remind her that every day she is burning solo...he really only wanted to flick is bic. All the way from LA I can tell that this is selfish cray cray speak. No, really.

But I must say that any woman would love that you are so your children and to your WS, Ol' Flambe'Deux.

Continue your trek away from that insanity. God bless you and your kiddos.

Thinking of you and knowing that you are doing your best for all involved.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1144 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
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Member # 42321
Cool  Posted: 1:59 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read up to 10 pages of this post now... Man!!!! This is some hard core advice Felco. I'm still learning
Ike you Bro. And it's hard as f' dealing with this. But I'm putting some of this into practice and this group is right. Take care of yourself and your children. They don't deserve this bs soul mate pain your WW is putting you guys through. I'm going through almost the same thing... That soul mate, will always love him bull shit! Yet, he's still married and he's not getting a D... But my silly ass WW is still in that head up her ass fog. Time to move on and make her deal with the consequences of her choice.

Stay Strong Bro !!!!!

Me 41: BS
Her 29: WS
4 children between us
Together 6 yrs: Married 19 months
EA/PA 15 months
OP 51: married with 4 children, close in age to my wife.
D Day#1 3/13/13
D Day#2 9/28/13
NC Letter 2/17/14

Hardship is a pathway to peace...

Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: West Coast
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Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep embracing the anger, and keep attempting the 180. I know it's hard to keep your mouth shut when all you want to do is shake some sense into her, but I think if you can just stop yourself, and ignore, and see the response you get from that you will feel much stronger.

I have been switching the different types of "sleep aides". Nothing has kept me asleep. I sleep better at other people's houses

Hopefully when she is out of the house this will improve, but if you are seriously still struggling with it, and it sounds like you are please go see your Dr and talk with them about it. Most of the OTC sleep aids are actually antihistamines, and allow you to fall asleep quickly, but don't give you the benefit of staying asleep. There are many tried and true meds for sleep that don't cause hang over, and allow you to get good sleep. I would avoid the newer sleep aids like Ambien and Lunesta. They can cause some crazy side effects of sleep amnesia, and sleep walking, eating, and sex.

Talk about Xanax, Ativan, Restoril, Trazadone, and even Elavil. These all are old drugs that are used to help with sleep, many have a dual purpose the first two antianxiety meds, the last three are a form of antidepressant. Elavil is also used for migraine, IBS, and other stress related symptoms.

Stay strong, we got your back.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
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Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am finding some disgust for her. I am pissed for all the work that I have to do.

If you start wavering, remember this! She is pathetic right now. You are having to handle all the fallout. How unfair is that? But you know what--you can handle the logistics, and focusing on getting joint possessions sorted out will give you a clear exit path. Do what you need to do and ignore her as much as you can while doing it.

We're rooting for you.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
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Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This whole process sucks!
I slept better last night. I took 6mg of melatonin. I woke up several times but I think I got about 6hrs!!
Anytime I am near her she wants to talk. This am is about property division. She is all business, no emotions. Crazy!! How can someone be so cold!
She will be out next weekend, hopefully. This no remorse or emotions makes it really hard. Like she doesnt give a shit!
So, I am going to start packing my stuff, figuring out what I would like and not like.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Felco... your WW still in any contact with her BF? thinking they are...ya know, a lot of affairs do go underground.....

Have you talked to the OMs wife lately?


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
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Member # 41675
Sad  Posted: 11:53 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think they are by the way she says things but who knows. What can I do, if she is going to be with him then it will happen. She is moving and we are separated. I hope she is honest but I don't know who she is.
I stop talking to his wife. I don't think it will do any good.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Felco, I know your tired and beat down. I remember that feek=ling that all i want if to do is give up and sleep andn maybe I'll wake up from this bad dream.

Stay with it. You can do it. It is so hard, but get in that driver seat and drive this bus. If you don't, she will. You need to take this process to a place you want to go, not let her tow you along too who knows where.

Strength, man. You have far more than you realize. That fact you're not lying dead on the floor is proof you have the strength to carry on.

BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot

Posts: 658 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
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Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today, I am finding my acceptance that she truly believes/has those feelings for the OM. I cannot continue making sense out of nonsense. As much as I cannot understand it, those are her feelings and its her path. I am tired of fighting and being down. It is what is. I need to move towards my path with just me and the kids. I know she will be in my life so I will forgive her and be pleasant for the kids sake. I know there is a long road ahead with curves and bumps.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm confused.

If you two divorce, doesn't she lose her citizenship status here?


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6612 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
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Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is tricky. If we divorce I can petition for her citizenship or her work can. But I could also wait to divorce her after two years

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want you to know why I CAN'T be with you. He has my heart! It's nothing you did or he was trying to do.

You should have responded with “You can’t be with me because I’m finally seeing you for the immature, head up your ass, lalaland moron that you are, and I want nothing to do with you. THAT is why you can’t be with me.”

If she tries to say anything else, just glare at her and say “So, do you think he’ll fuck his wife today? Tomorrow maybe? You’re dead to him, and soon to me as well. I hope being his easy piece of ass was worth it.”

And then stop talking to her. No matter what she says, or how hard she tries to get you to engage, just ignore her.

You need to see her for the pathetic loser that she is – her boyfriend ditched her, and to make herself feel better she’s clinging to some stupid twin flame theory. She really is someone to be loathed.

The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
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Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all!
I had the best day yesterday thus far. I will be honest, I started to do online dating.
It has helped keep my mind off of her and the crazy things she does.
She is still all over thr place.
I am moving in a better direction, i did have some momments today but I swallowed them.
I have suffered long enough!!
I have MY POWER back and I am going to keep it.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Felco sweetie, dating is the worst thing you could be doing right now. If for no other reason, than because any woman who would date a man who is in your position isn't someone who is healthy.

Please trust me on this. I know your ego enjoys the boost of attention, especially after it's been clobbered like yours has, but you are in NO condition to be a partner to anyone. Please back away and get through your own pile of shit before you become someone else's.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1053 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
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Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will be honest, I started to do online dating.
You are not ready for this. Sorry to be blunt but the last thing you need for your healing is to date in any capacity. Time with friends and family...absolutely. Dating...bad idea. Please heed this advice from someone who has already been through D.

D final 8/2012

Posts: 4102 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
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Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, dating at this stage is not the best thing. Do not contaminate a new relationship with the toxic parts of your marriage. Get this relationship behind you

QUESTION TO CONSIDER: did it show you there may be a better life with your WS out on your life?

Posts: 161 | Registered: Mar 2007
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Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to pile on, especially when you are so excited about this step Felco, but...this is just a really bad misdirection. You need to focus on the situation you are in, not on distracting yourself from it. I know you wish you could just move on as your wife has...but that is not a healthy reaction. Yes, it sucks to hurt, to have to deal with the logistics of what's to come, but the way out really is through, not in avoiding everything by taking a total side detour.

Do something to invest in yourself instead--a class, time with friends, anything focusing you inward.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
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Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would divorce her pos ass and take the kids and deport her back to her country. Let her be a whore there away from your kids. She's a bitch and more. Get away from such shit fast my friend.

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member # 41675
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you all are saying but this has been the ONLY thing that has kept me from curling up in a ball of nuttiness. I am just chatting online. Everything else is moving forward with the sale of the house, D, she is noticing the distance and does not like it! I know I am in no place to start a new relationship but companionship, why not. It is all part of building confidence again and being ok with me

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, February 11th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Investigate some meet up groups in your area..These groups are inexpensive or free and center around hobbies or activities..You can make friends IRL and get an ego boost based on your achievment in whatever activity the group is based on...No pressure for dating

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1351 | Registered: Nov 2011
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