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User Topic: What does this even mean?
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Concerned  Posted: 4:22 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So its been 6 months since DD and my boyfriend and I are in R. He is convinced that If I cheat on him it will help fix things and help me move on faster. Is he out of his mind? I have tried explaining to him that it will only make me feel worse! I have tried explaining to him that it would not be the same as what he did. It would be out of revenge. I told him that I should not have to change who I am and become a monster like him, just so that he can feel better. I feel like he only wants me to do it so that he can feel like less of an asshole!

On another note, a(male) friend from high school recently reconnected with me on facebook and wanted to get together. I did not hide this in any way and showed my boyfriend most of our correspondence. I (not proud of this) used this to my advantage to make my boyfriend jealous, and boy did it ever work! The mere thought of me even going to dinner with this person made my boyfriend very upset.

Is it wrong that I sometimes I wish I could do it...cheat on him? I know I could never...and that it would solve nothing. But sometimes I just wish that I could make him feel as betrayed as I do...but then again, I love him deeply and the thought of causing him the same pain he has caused me is unimaginable...


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like he only wants me to do it so that he can feel like less of an asshole!

I think that is exactly why. Wow, what a piece of work!

I love him deeply and the thought of causing him the same pain he has caused me is unimaginable...

Don't you wish he would have felt that way too? It shouldn't take being betrayed to realize how much it did/would hurt the one you love.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and showed my boyfriend most of our correspondence

Most?

Which ones did you not show him, and why?

Making him jealous and using this friend is not productive for R. And it is unfair to the "friend".

Stay true to yourself and stop doing it.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cl131716 - YES! It still boggles my mind at how he could do what he did and its like I didn't exist! I think its true what they say about never knowing what you have till its gone...or you think its leaving...


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

karmahappens - I totally agree with you and have since stopped these actions. Its just that after everything he did, it felt good to feel like he actually cared, and to see him get jealous. But you are right, it is not good for R at all.

I feel like after the affair, its hard to accept the fact that he loves me. He is not good at expressing how he feels. Getting him to show jealousy was one way...


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, December 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like after the affair, its hard to accept the fact that he loves me. He is not good at expressing how he feels. Getting him to show jealousy was one way...

It takes a lot of work on their end to rebuild what they have broken. Feeling loved, it took a long time for me to feel it, really, deep in my heart feel it. It's hard.

But jealousy isn't love. Ask for what you need, make sure he is going to IC, doing the work he needs to do to recognize what in him is broken enough to let him cheat.

I hope you are in IC too, it's a 2 way street, this healing. It's long and slow, but so worth it.

I am glad you saw it for what it was and put a stop to it before you let it get out of control.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 6

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