SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I had a nice Christmas eve with my family. Now back home, and tears are flowing.

Will I ever be ready for a new relationship one day?

I feel ruined sometimes.

I cried several times today, and in fact have tears in my eyes right now. Tomorrow is going to be hard.

I cried today, its our anniversary.

Yesterday would have been our 18th anniversary.

I'm crying tonight too. We attended Mass tonight-a beautiful service with music and a touching message. FWH is trying, really trying to make this Christmas special. My children were excited and happy. Dinner was fun, with laughter and merriment. Yet, at the fringes of my mind is the thought of the A, what fWH was doing at this time last year. I feel oddly detached, enjoying the moments but apart. Everyone has now gone to sleep and I am awake and sad. Part of me wishes that I could go back and be happy in my ignorance but the wiser rational side of me knows that although the truth is devastating, it is my reality.

Spelljean, I hope and pray for us, and everyone here at SI, a brighter future. We are worthy of a healthy relationship, we deserve love and respect and we will not settle for anything less.

Merry Christmas.

[This message edited by meplusfour at 12:06 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

I've been crying or on the verge most of the day. Does this ever get easier?

Hugs to all of us!

(((Spelljean))) (((everyone)))

I've felt that way. Please remember that while we were hurt (major understatement) by infidelity, it doesn't define us. It doesn't take away all of your wonderful qualities, that someone out there will fall in love with. I think one day you will be ready for a new relationship. Only you will know when the time is right. Until then, I'm sending you strength, hope, and wishes for a brighter 2014.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:09 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

Yep.... Cried. Dammit

I'm spending Christmas alone, at a hotel for the first time ever.

Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to my 9 year old. That happened around 6pm. Check out the story on the Divorce forum if you need to.

I cried. And cried. And continued crying. I think I cried myself to sleep at around 3am. Woke up, cried some more.

I should be crying, but I'm feeling oddly the strongest post D-Day. Now I have plans, I'm looking at furniture online for my new place. I am feeling that I'm on my own for the first time, as my sig says, Master of my Fate, and Captain of my Soul.

It could just be that I'm all cried out for now. Or it could be the buzz of finally being on my own, nobody to really answer to, no more WW breathing down my neck slowing my recovery.

I set some clear boundaries. I'm going to see my kids on the 26th, at a specific hour. I'll be there one hour. I'll see everyone and give my children and my in-laws a big hug. I expect no food to be prepared for me, as I'm not going to eat there. I made business appointments both before and after, so I have hard stops, and distractions force me to not cry before or after. We'll see what happens the night of the 26th.

It's harsh, it's sad for my kids, and I'll likely be nicer next Christmas, but right now I truly need the NC and the boundaries. I can feel myself moving forward, don't want to slow down healing momentum. As jo2love says, I refuse to let it define me.

2014 will be better. Yours and mine. Definitely.

I had a massive panic attack this morning..full of tears, hyperventilation and vomiting (my specialty).

I did eventually get a grip...thank god no one was around to witness that mess except my poor mom, who I don't think has ever seen me going at full bore. She didn't know what to do but she was very sweet and understanding.

Bleh. I think it's slowly getting better.

Hang in there everyone.

It does get better and, even though it might not seem like it right now, we will all get through tonight and tomorrow.

Cry if you need to, yell if you want to, just keep going.

Thank you. I know it will get better. It has been so good lately.

Dang Christmas.

Felt a bit better after the cry. I know for many of us though, tears seem to bring on even more tears.

Thank you to SI. I was never steered in the wrong direction here..... everything the seasoned members told me would happen....did. Everything they said WH was up to...he absolutely was. Every time someone here made a prediction

of WHs next move....sure enough, he did it.

Basically without the people on these forums, I would have been been no doubt going back for more, and more torment.

So, I see the tears as healing and healthy and normal.

But....dang Christmas.

I've been in the verge of tears all day long. The only thing that kept the tears in was having to out on a happy face for my kids.

It's just nice to know that I'm not alone. I hope 2014 us a much better year for all of us.

It is hard to maintain when everyone around you is full of good cheer, busy with social events and living the life we once thought we had. Meanwhile, we feel like we have a huge hole where our hearts used to be and feel robbed of what our lives should have been.

Christmas(and New Year's and Easter and Fourth of July and Opening Day and Tuesday) end up hurting.

The good news is that I had a pretty good day last Tuesday and I am looking forward to more good Tuesdays in the future.

I've been crying on and off for a few days. I am an old timer, my DD was in 2005 and been divorced 4 years now. I miss my family unit,my family is across the pond, luckily my grown daughters are with me for Christmas. I have accepted that grief just grabs me sometimes and it is ok to cry and mourn. I've had losses over the past few years, divorce being just one of many. By the Grace of God I just keep moving forward. I have gained compassion, courage, and a whole new world has opened to me. I wish the same for all of you. FR

I've been in tears on & off for the past few days. My son is home from Uni & I am trying to maintain a brave face for him.

We are having a strange Christmas this year. We are going to have lunch at a pub. I thought as this will be our first Christmas on our own, it should be different.

Hoping that 2014 will be better than this one. Here's to the New. Year everyone

me.

He called me, "silly." That's what she called him all the time. I told him about the trigger. Also, I saw a picture of him in social media, he took a co-worker woman to a service organization. They just met there but he never said anything. I know I should just let things like this go but I don't. And now he thinks I'm spying on him.

He's withdrawn and won't say anything. My co-dependent self needs to detach again. We play these effing games all the time. I'm tired of it. Although I understand his hurt. When will it be enough already?

Yes I cried too so want holiday season to be over and get back so normality.

In limbo

Me too.

Roller coaster driven by Hades lately.

Happy Holidays everyone

I did this morning too, but not as bad as have in the past. I've just accepted that Christmas will hurt this year, but then it will be over and I'll be ok.

I'm looking forward to New Year's Eve and I can tell 2013 to fuck off.