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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Christmas #3 since Dday
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The good thing is I no longer feel like Christmas is about XWH. But yet I still don't feel like I own it again.

I've had the hardest time getting into the Christmas spirit, I only started wrapping the gifts I had yesterday, and spent much of yesterday buying gifts last minute. I didn't even do cards this year, which is so not like me.

I sold our marital home 16 months ago, and now I'm missing my house. My kids are missing our house - they are 19 and 21 - we were in that house for 10 years. This just doesn't feel like home, especially at Christmas. I really miss my kitchen, and my mantle that I would decorate every year with lights. And my tree right next to my mantle.

DD21 and I went to church tonight with an old church friend and her family at their new church. (I haven't felt comfortable at our old church where my kids were baptized in 2003 and later confirmed, and XWH and I were married in 2004). It was nice but didn't feel right.

Now I'm still up at 1:15 am on Christmas and I'm still not feeling it. Maybe I'm just tired and need to go to bed. But I feel like I'm ruining my kids' Christmas because I'm so not into it.

[This message edited by persevere at 1:23 AM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And the three of us will open presents in the morning and then go to my mother's for Christmas dinner - which is always awkward because my mom and I have always had a "difficult" relationship at best - it's always very weird and awkward, even for the kids. Ugh...where is Calgon when I need it?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

awwww, (((hugs)))

I hope dinner is quick and painless and less awkward than usual.

I found a little bit of Christmas spirit today with music and asking the kids to recall favorite moments from Christmases past. It was interesting to see what they remembered. And for some reason, the music hit the right spot today. I have struggled to find Christmas this year too.

Bring on 2014!!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 5:01 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Persevere))) Even though we move on from our xwh's they still changed so much of our lives. I hope you find some Christmas spirit and will be surrounded by love and jou despite the awkwardness with your mom. (((Hugs)))


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it's that the Christmas spirit is in transition and you're ready for a change. Maybe something is telling you to trade in the old traditions for something different.

For next year, find ways to volunteer with the kids rather than doing so many gifts.

No mantle to decorate? That's ok. Do something with live greens as a centerpiece for the table or on the kitchen counter.

Dinner at your moms is awkward but you are obligated to go - do something with just you and the kids before and/or after. Go to the movies - I've done that on Christmas day and it's great. Have a big brunch all together. Take a ride later to some neighborhood you've never been and check out all the lights with big mugs of coffee and cookies.

Rent a bunch of movies and have a big old movie night after dinner.

Maybe even plan a weekend trip right after Christmas starting next year.

I guess the point is that Christmas can change too. You've settled into this new life without exWH, you have a new home - maybe its time to settle into some new Christmas routines that are all your own.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2835 | Registered: Jan 2011
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Persevere)))

Merry Christmas. May today bring you the joy and that you are missing.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52572 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((persevere))) This is the 1st year since d-day that I've really enjoyed Christmas. Maybe it's because I've finally healed enough, but maybe it's because my expectations are lower. It's certainly a lot less stressful than it used to be.

I haven't done the full-out decorating that I used to since d-day. Hell, last year I didn't put the tree up until Christmas Eve, and if it hadn't been a pre-lit tree, there wouldn't have been any decorations on it. This year, the tree made it up a couple weeks ago, and I put some actual decorations on it. I even had the thought about doing the outside lights, but it was more of the "I wish I had thought to do that earlier." But it tells me that I'll most likely be ready next year to do that again.

I hate to say it, but I think it's that dreaded word time. Things do get better, but there's only so much we can handle at any given time.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((persevere))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25696 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everyone for the support. I was whining a bit lol. It's a process and I will get there.

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((persevere)))

It's Christmas #3 for me too. Hope there are moments of happiness for you today. Concentrate on those little moments...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Persevere))

Just push through it. I'm leaving soon to go to my sister's house and be surrounded by a bunch of people that all have someone in their lives.

And then come home to a quiet house......well quiet, except for the dull roar of 4 corgis.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry that you are having a hard time finding your way right now. It is horrible to have the places that were your comfort zone tainted by the actions of the X.

I know you will find new traditions. I have working on been reclaiming some of the places that became painful and dark after dday. I have learned to remember my joy. Not always successfully but sometimes I can cut him out of the picture, put him a box somewhere and enjoy my connections with a place/memory/tradition etc.

Hope you had had a better day than you anticipated!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1665 | Registered: Mar 2004
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awww, persevere. I hope you're feeling better. Holidays alone are difficult, but they pass--and life goes on

Last year camping on the beach in Galveston was better than working this year, but it's over now, and there's a whole new year ahead.

Someday, we'll be able to spend some time together again. I'm looking forward to it.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20273 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Persevere

(((hugs)))

Just want to let you know that this is my third Christmas since dday also.

I am still not healed enough to enjoy it yet either. You are not alone. And I agree with others, we must start new traditions.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Number three here, too, but totally different for me. Every one has been unique, each with its own character and flavor, each in a different place, just as I am with my healing. Each one satisfying for different reasons. I have been nomadic.

I need to write a post when I have time because my whole situation is also quite unique. I have been in the same places you have in healing, but from different perspectives. I know and feel the things people write about here, but..... different.

Anyway, hugs, my friends. Look forward to next year. It's still that dreaded 4-letter word: time.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2380 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all - SadinAZ - always miss you my friend and I would welcome any opportunity to fix that.
Williesmom- it's tough being the single one, but I have to admit I'm enjoying the time alone this evening (young adult kids had their own plans tonight) - there's something to be said for the calm after the Christmas storm.
MustSurvive - you're right - working on some new traditions, and it wasn't a bad day at all
thebighurt - I'm interested in hearing more about your experience and perspective.

As we all know, this isn't an easy road, but it is what it is, and the support we provide each other means more than I can say. Thank you all for being there and just understanding. I love you all and wish you all a peaceful holiday season.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 16

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