[This message edited by karmahappens at 6:38 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]
Add that to worrying about whether he's thinking about OW, if she's having a nice Christmas, if he feels like he's only here for the kids. Yeah, this has been a rough Christmas.
The first one is the worst, but you made it through.
One day at a time. It's really all you can do to start. Hopefully your WS will continue to support your efforts to heal.
Merry Christmas. Here's to a happier 2014 and continued healing.
Thanks to everyone for sharing your Christmas!
I am so thankful for you all.
Here's to hoping 2014 is better, happier and healthier than ever.
..good riddance to 2013... it sucked
This year, one of our son's and his family made it in to visit. Our daughter made it over. While they couldn't stay long (squeezing in two families, lots of miles in a few short days) it was so nice to have them. It was so nice to have stockings full, a tree full and cooking for everyone. It was a wonderful day to spend with family. My husband helped, was actively involved and even did the dishes after dinner!
It has been the least painful in the last 4 years. I still miss my Mom, but her sweet memories were with me today. It does get better.
Our boys woke us just after 8am. They were just so purely happy! My oldest won't believe much longer so I made sure to look at him a lot today. There was church too with beautiful music and thenMom's family came over. Lots of laughs, the odd family gripe and plenty of turkey!
I prayed for all of you my Surv Infid friends. What a tremendous support you have been. I pray as the year ends and another begins we find more happiness within. I didn't mean to rhyme that.
Gave my H a card acknowleding this new wonderful self he is working on. He got choked up. I know he is grateful to be here w my crazy family.
His card to me ended w "in you I have found my greatest blessing". Oh! I also got diamond earrings!
Karma after a 16 hour shift I hope you are enjoying some down time. Thank you so much for your encouragment this year.
Peace to you all
I'm finally in bed after a very long day. First Christmas since dday, almost 7 mos ago. The day went very well for the most part. So fun to watch DS open presents this year as he's starting to get it. Had a lovely day with the in-laws but a bit of outside family stuff brought it down. In-laws offered to keep DS for the night and I was so tired I agreed. Now I'm missing him terribly.
Then we went to a friend's open house and my mood took a dive. First a really bad trigger song came on, then I noticed WH was getting very tipsy (I get uncomfortable around him when he's drinking and I'm not), then two friends who know about the A tried to talk me into doing some activities on NYE. I told them I wouldn't be up for it bc that's the day WH and OW first had sex. Basically they tried to convince me not to "wallow". This is when I realized I have NOBODY in my life who truly gets what I'm going through. I feel so alone.
[This message edited by AML04 at 10:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]
[This message edited by morethantrying at 11:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]
This is when I realized I have NOBODY in my life who truly gets what I'm going through. I feel so alone.
I get it AML and so do many others. Lean on us.
LA, glad you checked in, glad all went well. Here's to a kick-ass 2014!
..good riddance to 2013... it sucked
This year he knocked it out of the park. So many thoughtful, useful, fun, sexy gifts. He has taken to making notes when I mention things I need, so I have to be careful! The cutuest thing was that we both got each other a photo from one of our triathlons--the same one, where we were together at the finish. He was a big help all day with cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids (yes they're adult--new Xbox), but still requested time out to take a candlelit bath with me.
Happy New Year to all!
Since he was always so selfish in the past he was never good at gifts, and most holiday preparations fell on me.
This was us in the past too ^^ all on my lap. H does so much now "with" me. I forget how I used to run around crazy at the holidays, I don't know how people do it all alone, and I don't know why it was ok for me to always make things perfect for everyone else.
It's time we make things perfect for us, long over-due and so welcomed!
I can't believe it took an A for us to get here, it seems so obvious now, making the right choices,, doing what's good for us as a team and family. How could we have been so blind before? Still amazes me. My life is the easiest (emotionally) it has ever been.The struggles you come across in life are handled differently, from an emotionally healthy place and it just makes it easier to cope with.
Who woulda thought....
Happy New Year Cat!
I am sorry that you feel so alone . Trauma from adultery simply can't be understood by those who have never experienced it.
I am at my sister-in -laws house over Christmas. Her husbands advice to me...,"you just gotta love her. You have two young daughters."
Ignorance......I am do grateful he is ignorant to this. He cares and is doing what he can to be supportive....so are your friends. I know you know that. I also know it doesn't help ease the pain. It's almost like a child telling you " it's okay, you can find another house to live in" after your home burns down. There is some truth in that.....but that doesn't change the fact that you lost pictures that can't be replaced, have to decide if you will rebuild in same neighborhood, deal with insurance, find temporary lodging, etc....
I am blessed to have a real life friend (lives two states away) that I can call anytime. He is ignorant to adultery too.... But he loves me and comforts me as best he can. Honestly, even our fWS are a little ignorant to the pain they caused......so even when another couple experiences adultery.....only one can really relate to us.
Still.....SI is a uniquely valuable resource.
Post often....we got your back.
I don't trigger much anymore, but this past weekend I was really down. My FWH has been wonderful, which is almost part of the problem--I feel such outpourings of love for him, but then sometimes I look at him and think, how could this wonderful man have done such a reprehensible thing? And for so long? Who is he, anyway? I just wanted to go away by myself and spend Christmas alone. But my step-daughter (SD) was set to arrive Monday, and my younger daughter, husband, and son on Thursday (today!). So I just had to soldier on.
We went to church Christmas Eve for lessons and carols--a lovely service, and it helped make me feel some of the spirit of Christmas. The sermon really hit home, too, and I found myself holding back tears. SD sat between FWH and me, and I kept trying (unsuccessfully) to catch his eye to see if he was feeling it, too. (None of our daughters know what we've been going through.)
I got up early on Christmas morning and sat alone with the presents and the twinkling tree, just sipping coffee and contemplating. I made some cranberry muffins for breakfast. Then FWH and SD got up, we had breakfast and opened presents, and the joy began to return. Big time! It wasn't just the presents (which were beautiful, and well-chosen), but much more the feeling as we chatted and exclaimed over the gifts and talked about all kinds of things. The cold that I had been feeling just melted away in the warmth of the moment.
And this morning I am once again up early, sipping my coffee, looking at the twinkling tree, and thinking about the day with enthusiasm. I can see that the weekend was one of those plunges down the roller coaster, but now I'm back up.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
Hubby spoiled me with gifts - and me him. We had good days together with the kids. I feel something is missing though - some sort of disconnection with hubby. I asked him about it a couple times but he says he's alright. Will talk about it in MC?
I feel like I'm living a "less than" life. Not exactly sure why but I suppose it's that neither of us are in with both feet.
I'm sure I'm overanalyzing this but hubby got me loads of candy. He says he wants to fatten me up. He knows being fit is very important to me. Why would he do this? I'll give it all away.
4 kiddos in lower 20's
“He has no idea how beautiful the ordinary becomes once it disappears."
[This message edited by AML04 at 7:37 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]