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User Topic: how to deal with christmas gifts
Rabecca
♀ Member
Member # 41076
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out that some of the clothes my WS bought as gifts were not only wrapped by the OW but she helped him pick them out. We are not divorced yet and kids have not met her. I know I can't burn them like I want to but is it wrong to want to hand them back and tell him to return them? This woman is a part of his life not theirs and I don't think it is appropriate to be involving her with anything to do with them. Do I ha e to swallow my pride on this on and just grin and bear it?


D day August 13, 2013
Me: 29
WH: 28
Together 13 years married 7 years
3 kids (5,3,10 months)

Posts: 63 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Rabecca
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Afraid so..you may have to swallow your pride. Your STBX and OP may just be pushing your buttons and hoping for you to react. Look at it in a different light-He's already manipulating her into doing his responsibilities.


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 324 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
Rabecca
♀ Member
Member # 41076
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that if they defy the statistics she will be a part of their lives and there is nothing I can do.no get that and I have to accept that like it or not. It just feels like she is forcing herself into their lives one way or another. I think she is definitely trying to push my buttons. I think he is too foggy to realize how insulting it is to me for him to involve her at all at this point.


D day August 13, 2013
Me: 29
WH: 28
Together 13 years married 7 years
3 kids (5,3,10 months)

Posts: 63 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Rabecca
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there any way that the clothes can stay at his house and not be worn at yours?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9637 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your children will get lots of gifts from a lot of people and I know how insulting it is to you. You will get past this part.Imagine she is buying gifts for the children that you share with him in a special way. A little piece of you will always be slapping her in the face in the form of your children if she stays in the picture but you will always be the mother and the one your children will always come to. Show this OP what a great mom you are. She can never take your place no matter how many gifts she buys.


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 324 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
Rabecca
♀ Member
Member # 41076
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He comes to my house to be with kids. He can't take the kids to where he is staying right now so there is Jo point send I g them there. Right now I have them in a bag in the garage because I was so mad. I figured I was going to have to swallow my pride. It just taste very bitter. I want to be the better person but it is so flippin hard sometimes. I don't want my kids loving this woman just to have things fall apart between the two of them and their little hearts get broken. I honestly don't see them going for the long haul because my WS has not fixed his problems. He already is not fully honest with her.


D day August 13, 2013
Me: 29
WH: 28
Together 13 years married 7 years
3 kids (5,3,10 months)

Posts: 63 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Rabecca
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the good thing is the kids will grow out of those clothes pretty darn quick so if they enter the rotation you may have to wash them 8 times at the most by the time the season is over. I would just make sure they NEVER wear them when he comes to visit. If he asks, they are in the laundry. Don't even bring it up, it does not matter, just keep saying it. They are just clothes. If it is really driving you crazy, ask him for the receipt and go exchange them. Tell him they don't fit. No drama for him just keep writing here.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are a million ways to ruin clothes. I do it all the time by accident, so with a little effort you can get rid of the clothes for good reason. (spill bleach on them, wash white with darks that bleed, fall down in mud, spill red kool aid, ...)

If the clothes are a trigger then do this. If they are not a trigger then no reason to spoil good clothes.

I know it is insulting when your kids get gifts from the AP. I recall one year that all of DD's xmas gifts from X (I think he was WH then) where clearly from the country where OW lived so they clearly came from her. Talk about a ruining xmas for a BS What I did was put them in DD's room and never mentioned them and never asked if she wanted to play with them. I think she played with 1 of the toys once. That was it, because out of site out of mind when you are a kid.

Stay strong

((((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17628 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your kids don't need the clothes can you give them to charity? If that isn't possible I would have them as play clothes. With any luck they will have a growth spurt and won't fit for long.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

((Rabecca))


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids quickly forget what was given to them. If the clothes bother you, keep them in the laundry room. Eventually, I would sell them at a consignment store and use the money to buy the kids a treat or a toy which YOU give to them.

If WS asks tell him they are in the laundry.....you won't be lying.

Eventually this kind of stuff won't bother you anymore. But for right now, you need to take care of you, so you can take care of the kids.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Jan 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Rabecca)))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25264 | Registered: Aug 2011
naivegirl
♀ Member
Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did you find out she bought them and wrapped them? Did he tell you? If so, he did it to get under your skin and I wouldn't bite. I would just act like ti didn't bother me even if it did.


Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re


Posts: 1740 | Registered: Apr 2007
Rabecca
♀ Member
Member # 41076
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him. It was very obvious. They were wrapped differently and were full sets (including matching shoes, hair clips and tights for the girls). He is not that coordinated.


D day August 13, 2013
Me: 29
WH: 28
Together 13 years married 7 years
3 kids (5,3,10 months)

Posts: 63 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Rabecca
Mama58
♀ Member
Member # 41685
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thankfully, I've never been dealt this s#%t sandwich as my kids are grown. But this will continue, and it's a crappy thing but YOU can't control it.you only get to control you! And it sucks, but imagine the smile in her face when he tells her your reaction to these gifts, a hahaha moment for her, I imagine.Dont give them that, just quietly, one by one, make it all just disappear, and say nothing to him, as you know it will all get back to her, Good luck.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Ohio
Rabecca
♀ Member
Member # 41076
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I am choosing to be strong and not let them win. I swallowed down the pride and dressed the kids in the clothes. I will not let the clothes or those two bozos get the better of me. The idiot didn't get right sizes on some of them anyways so some of them probably will not get worn long.


D day August 13, 2013
Me: 29
WH: 28
Together 13 years married 7 years
3 kids (5,3,10 months)

Posts: 63 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Rabecca
Topic Posts: 15

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