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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He managed to hurt all of my kids today!
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How talented.

My girls haven't seen him (months for 13, years for 22). When I picked up my son today he had already had "Santa" at the Dooosh's house.

Well, 13's love language is gifts. So she asks her brother what he got for Xmas at dad's house... And he doesn't really want to talk about it much. Says a few little things.

At my house he is opening our family gifts, and his big Santa gift is a tv (he is a big gamer). Well, don't cha know he got a tv at dads! He didn't even unwrap the whole thing before seeing the look on her (13) face, and he is mouthng "I feel bad.."

About his fucking Christmas present!! He tells her he will share it with her even. He now feels guilty for enjoying Christmas! And because he got gifts!!

Then 22 opens a new laptop-- and he says oh cool I got the same thing! Talks a little about his new laptop...

Well 13 just crumbled. :(

She was so hurt. She wanted to know where her presents from her dad were. Why doesn't he give her any when her brother gets a laptop and a tv and all the other stuff he told us!!?? Why doesn't he even care?? Then the angry tears come and she shut down. :(

Just shoot me now.

The worst part is that he doesn't. Even. Get. It. She is sooo far beyond angry with him and has no desire to even speak to him right now, but she is just a very hurt little girl who can only see that her dad - who used to be involved- has dropped her like a hot potato! Asshole.

I can't fix this for her. Or him. Both of my kids were sad. No matter what I do it won't make this better. I've tried. This is the worst. My sweet babies...

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 10:06 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bastard. Gimee a baseball bat or a broomstick. He needs a whack upside the head. I'm so sorry for your baby girl.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9650 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So trying to console my boy-- so he knows he can and should enjoy his gifts-- he says dad doesn't give her stuff because she doesn't like him and she won't go visit him.

Nice.

I've been saying all along that if HE is not in control, if someone doesn't play by HIS rules.. He will write you off. Just like his father did years ago.

Bunch of control freak narcissists!!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is hard not just on dds but also ds. We've been through this. Strength for you to support them.

Know that your unconditional love for them will be what makes them strong and whole.

Much love.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1294 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds deliberate. "u don't wanna come visit me, u get nothing" and if u were to call him on it he will probably say that he only gave ds presents that can only be used when he visits and since she doesn't visit there is no need to buy her anything. Passive aggressive and vindictive. Sounds familiar... u only get love if u behave "right".

Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh it's deliberate all right. He has done this since the beginning. When dd was uncomfortable staying overnight at his new place he decided he couldn't come see her at all- not for dinner, not even just for an ice cream. Nope.

It was either you come spend the night at my house or I cannot pick you up at all.

She got the message right quick. He's a dick. Period.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your XWH is playing a very destructive game and he has no idea yet that it works both ways, and in the end, he will lose. But, sadly, so will they, because they have to deal with the fact that their father is a manipulative asshole.

I'm so very sorry your girl had to deal with that, but she (or you) can't control his selfishness. I feel even more sorry for your boy, as he's been thrown in the middle of it.

I think you have no choice but to focus on the positive - however it conflicts - Christmas is about spending time with those we love and not about the gifts. You may have to have the conversation explaining that her father loves her but he is just so screwed up right now that he isn't handling things well.

I'm so sorry lady.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4515 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lord, I hate that guy, PR. Fiery white hot hate.

(((((PR's poor kids)))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25292 | Registered: Aug 2011
NotFixable
♀ Member
Member # 41608
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't even imagine a human being that cold and heartless. What a dickhead!


Me-BS
Him-WH
Married 13 years
DD #1 03/12
DD #2 11/20/13
Status: Separated and planning D
___________________________________

Nowhere left to go but up!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2013
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:50 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well hayl... what a dirtbag! Give your 13yo a huge (((((((((hug)))))))))) from me. Just tell her I'm an on-line friend who has 14 & 16yo girls who also got NOTHING from their dad. Sounds so familiar....my heart is breaking for her.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, PR. ((((((((Big hugs for 13)))))))

The sad thing is that it's so simple in the doosh's mind. So easy to cut a child out and then hurt her because she won't jump through his hoops.

FTG.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4619 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
GingerAle
♀ Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((PurpleRose and kids)))) I am so sorry. Thank goodness for you, their wonderful, loving mom.


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 410 | Registered: Nov 2011
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex would do this to my kids. If they got anything at all, it was some cheap toy from the Dollar Store. While they watched their step brother get tons of expensive toys. If he didn't have the kids on their birthday, they didn't get a party or gifts either.

One year my son told me, " It's okay, he knows he can always rely on me".

It made me sad for the kids that they have a piece of shit for a dad but proud that I was doing a good job.

He's probably only buying the other two kids expensive stuff as a way to buy the kids attention and trying to get them to come around.

Your poor DD though... he's a sorry piece of shit.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4775 | Registered: Feb 2008
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This breaks my heart. (((PurpleRose and kids)))


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 892 | Registered: Mar 2013
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. The younger two bananas haven't seen ex-asshat in months (long story, he told them both they weren't welcome at his house). He texted the 14 year old to say he had presents for them. They were trying to figure how/when to see him (he stood them up last time ) when their stepsister emailed them to say there were no presents for them... but she got an iPod touch.

They were far more hurt that he lied to them.

I totally get it.

(((PR and babies)))


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is just soooo sad! What a looser!
Lots of hugs to your daughter!

Hate him for you and your DD!


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 479 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wildbananas I'm sorry your bunch had that experience! What in the hell happened to these men to make them such complete assholes towards their own children??

I knew - or at least expected - that he was going to treat me like shit once this bullshit game of his came to light (it's how his mother and sister operate, so he's learned how to treat people from some real fine examples of bitch).

And even though this is exactly how his father treated him and his siblings once he divorced their mother... I honestly didn't see the Dooosh doing that. I should have realized he was unable to fight his genetics. He is absolutely just like them.

Sad for the kids who deal with Doooshbag fathers - and pray mine can learn how to deal with him in a way that allows them to be semi normal.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big man hurting children. He must be so proud of himself.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9642 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This makes me so sad. Thank goodness she has you.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
k8la
♀ Member
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Teach your sons to look after their little sister and protect her from the blatant cruel favoritism their father dishes out to manipulate them and wound her.

They each have a conscience and you've taught them well - that's why they feel bad to receive gifts that sell their souls out to receive at her expense - they see it.

Next step is to make it action. So that their sister knows she is valued and loved and cherished by the best people in her life. Help them figure out ways they can show their love for her.


Posts: 149 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

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